my husband's friend got a girl pregnant. she already has one kid and says she cant have another one. he really really wants the baby and is against abortion. he wants her to keep the baby and give it to him to take care of. he is really trying everything to get this girl to not get an abortion. he is trying to find better jobs and everything to prove to her that he will be responsible for it and she never has to have anything to do with the baby if she doesnt want to. she still is going to get an abortion. she says "if i carry a baby for 9 months then im going to want to keep it. i cant have another baby now so i have to get an abortion." that just doesnt make since to me but anyways is there anything at all he can do? what do you think about this situation? what would you do?
2007-05-19 19:42:27 · 35 answers · asked by omama 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
There isn't much he can do...
i don't understand her reasoning either...apparently that child is only worth something to her when it's outside her womb. no one 'has' to have an abortion, that's like saying...i have to have a lobotomy.
i would suggest that your husband's friend seek counseling, he is definitely going to grieve this child being terminated, and thus i am more worried about HIS emotional state than the gf.
i can't stomach the though of having an abortion already being a mother to 3 children, but i guess some ppl can separate themselves from the reality of it better than i. *which i find sad*.
that is also something she will have to deal w/when her other child is older.
my husband's mother aborted a pregnancy when my husband was about 10 yrs old because she was under a lot of stress emotionally after her finance was killed in a car accident. she regrets her 'choice'.
my husband didn't find out till he was an adult, but he grieved for his sibling...and went through all kinds of emotions about it...including wondering IF his mother's life wasn't 'just so' when she was pregnant with him, would HE have been aborted to? (my husband is an only child, and wishes like crazy he had had a sibling)
i think that gf will have some questions to answer from her other child when they are older.
that's the thing about abortion. it might be one woman's choice, but it's not just the woman that abortion effects. i think women should think about that.
raising a child is hard, yes...but i NEVER regret keeping my 'unplanned' child. "I love you mommy" is the sweetest thing on earth to hear.
abortion is FOREVER. sure you might have a child later on, but you will never get back the first one.
to Tina:
that is not so...
five states have laws prohibiting abortion in the THIRD trimester, not 2nd. those states are: FL, GA, IA, SC and VA.
2nd trimester abortion laws are in litigation, but there is not a nationwide ban on them.
in most states a woman has the legal right to terminate her pregancy up to the day of her delivery...
sad, but true. i am all for 'human rights' and the rights of the mother are important yes, but there SHOULD be some rights granted to an in utero child that IF they were born could survive birth. some babies born at 19-20 weeks even have survived!
2007-05-19 21:29:01 · answer #1 · answered by ☆MWφM☆ 7 · 2⤊ 3⤋
No offense to you or your husband, but this other woman is only human. There are these things called rights. She has the right to make a choice. Roe vs Wade - She has the right to choose an abortion or to keep the baby.
Honestly If the two of you want the baby you can let her know that you would be interested in adopting the baby, and that would mean some cost to the two of you as a couple, anything from paying all the doctor bills, to paying her to keep herself healthy,possibly housing, food, pregnacy clothes and so on.
Honestly you and your husband could have your own baby and respect this womans wishes and don't bother her if she has already given the two of you her answer.
How would you feel if someone kept bothering you over something you decided to do in your life.
You may not understand how she could make a choice like this, but I am sure that there are a lot of people that can't understand why you and your husband make certain choices in your lives.
I know that some people will read this and they maybe pro-life. but We are all human and we have RIGHTS. So maybe he just needs to leave well enough alone.
It isn't any different from your husband bothering her about this, then if you were going to a clinic and people are standing around you yelling that what you are doing in your life and your choices as a human are wrong and so on.
I hope the two of you can create a baby with one another. If I were you I would be wondering if the reason my husband is putting up such a fight is because it is accually his and not his friends.
What would I do in this situation- I would be questioning my husband as to why he is so bent out of shape for this one girl being prego, maybe there is something he is leaving out. like the baby might be his. Then I would look this girl straight in the eye, and tell her one thing "If she needs anything even a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to, that I am only a phone call away" then I would leave her alone. Seriously if I were in that girls position the two of you would be freaking me out and I would cut off all communication with the two of you. There is a fine line between being friends and asking for her child, to harrassment and stalking.
2007-05-27 17:56:58 · answer #2 · answered by Not a Daddys Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm pro choice as well (which is weird I am Muslim and pregnant) but your right it is an upsetting story. I have not heard of anything that he could do but I dont since it is her body and their not married. Even if someone told her not to she could easily go and do it somewhere and say something else happened you know. It is sad that she wants to do it when he wants the baby so bad bc so many girls wish their men would act this way. But sometimes things happen for the best and work out that way.
2007-05-19 20:27:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she's right.
(And you're right, too -- this is upsetting.)
She should not have the baby for him. She's the one who has to go through the pregnancy, and the risks associated with it, and the delivery. And she has to explain the situation to people the whole time, and deal with their comments and judgments.
And what about her kids? They will feel attached too. And how will they feel in the grocery store when someone says "Well it looks like someone is having a little brother or sister!" People say stuff like that all the time.
I feel bad for this man, but if he really wants a child he can wait until he finds a real life-time partner, or adopt one as a single parent.
She never should have gotten pregnant -- that was a mistake (or accident) that they both have a role in.
But compounding one mistake with another mistake always makes things worse.
2007-05-27 05:16:32 · answer #4 · answered by who me? 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough situation...with really no right answer. I really feel for the father because he literally has no rights in this situation. If the mother does not think she is able to have another child and believes it is alright to have an abortion than I can somewhat understand why she would not want to carry the baby and then give birth. Having had a child, she is well aware that there is a relationship that is formed before the child is actually born and to abandon the child after its birth would be far harder than terminating the pregnancy now. Either way it appears as though she is thinking of her best interests and not the interests of anyone else including the father and the unborn baby. It is her body however, so she has the right to decide what happens to it.
2007-05-19 19:50:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
depending on where he lives, there may be laws that can help. I would see a lawyer and find out what my rights are as this is also his child. If she says she would want to keep the baby after having carried it then she probably has some feelings for children that could be further developed by more contact with other babies. I'm a single father of 2 and wouldn't trade it for anything. Children WILL change your life for the better. I hope everthing works out.
2007-05-19 20:04:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't know if this is the best idea or if it's even a good idea at all, but I know it would make me have second thoughts. If you go to google.com and type in abortion under "images", it will give you all kinds of pictures of what actually happens to the embryo during the abortion. I want to warn you though, almost all of the pictures that it brings up can be disturbing. Maybe if she was more educated on abortion and what actually goes on and that it DOES harm the unborn, maybe she would have second thoughts.
2007-05-27 15:36:19 · answer #7 · answered by Chrissy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a womans choice so bottom line if she wants a termination it's her choice.... HOWEVER
I beleive if she is far enough gone that she would require a partial birth abortion (ie over 20wks gestation) he might be able to apply to the courts as a child advocate for the right for the child to be born. (that is in australia)
As many babies born premi at 23wks gestation are surviving, so the line between when it's pregnancy termination & infantcide is getting blurry.
I have seen men devastated because their partners have terminated a much wanted & loved child. Be a strong friend for him as this is a life changing event for him whichever way she goes.
2007-05-19 19:50:44 · answer #8 · answered by Sharon P 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am also pro choice. I believe that a woman is the true decision maker in these situations. Unfortunately for a man, he doesn't have the ability to carry a child and has to live with the woman's decision. If she doesn't want to have a child with this man there really isn't anything he can do to make her have it. I feel sorry for him, but understand her view.
2007-05-25 09:34:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Unfortunately because of the ways the laws are in this country....a father has no rights to make her carry the baby to term. There was a court case that went on for ages about this very thing and the judge ruled she had a right to an abortion even against her ex's will. He can only continue to encourage her to go to term with the pregnancy but cannot force her. It's sad to think that a baby's life and value is tied up on whether or not it's convenient for either parent or whether or not the child is wanted. How sad but that's how it is in this day and age in this country. The sad fact is that almost half of all pregnancies since Roe/Wade have been aborted in this country and the vast majority have done so out of convenience. I feel for all those Fathers out there that have no say in whether or not their child lives. Many must mourn that loss so deeply. I commend your friend for being courageous and making himself available to raise that child even if it turns out the poor thing is aborted.
2007-05-19 20:43:04 · answer #10 · answered by sheepinarowboat 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋