Marriage problems: I need all WIVES to help me on this one..?

Question

I have been married for over 5 years.

My husand does so much that irritates the **** out of me.He NEVER listens to me, He gives me so much attitude like I think a typical man does? When he gets in his moods, he treats me like ****.

I am having a debate here with my b/f?

I am telling her that most men are the same, there are wives out there who won't tolerate this type of behavior. After a while it wears down the relationship and the crazy part of it all, is my husband is sorry ALWAYS when I have had enough of his crap.

I am in my middle twenties and I just can't see myself in this vicious circle for yeas and years to come. I will eventually end up becoming this bitter old hag. I am not the type to ignore for I will drive myself crazy.

How do you tolerate your husand's worst habits? Whatever they may be?

FYI: we have no chldren together, so the everyday stress of "Parenting" currently does not exsist in our home? We have also tried counseling time and time again.

JUST TO BE FAIR: my husband does not go to clubs, hang out with the men, is not a drinker, smoker or a slacker.

But if I hear to suck it up and deal with it, I am going to scream and punch a hole in the wall.!!!!!! Help?!!!!!

Yes I do love him but am no longer in love with him at this point in time. I was too young and think that's the mistake I made...

Answer 1

Honey you are angry that things have not worked out as planned. If you are having all these thoughts and he is ticking you off to this point, you have to think long and hard and have a long hard chat with someone you trust. It sounds like you are growing apart. One of you are moving ahead and the other is still in high school mentally. One should be able to accept the other for who and what they are. I am a slob and my husband is an old navy seal. I go to work and my husband is retired and takes care of our boys. I accept him for who and what he is and he does the same for me. That is marriage. You marry one for that reason, not for what they can become. If you married this man for what he could become and not for who he is then you need to leave now. You are not being fair to him or yourself.

Answer 2

We are only hearing your side of the story so that makes it more difficult to give an answer that doesn't cover both sides. My first thought was ~ when you have a problem with him, how do you approach him? Are you accusatory and negative all the time so that he feels more like your child instead of your husband?

You both need to go to a minister for counseling so you can learn what God expects from both of you in the marriage. My husband and I married later in life and he was a bachelor for a LONG time. There are things he does that aggravate me but I know I aggravate him at times, too.

Both parties need to give 100% of themselves to make a marriage work.
Never keep a scorecard of who has done what.
Work together to do jobs around the house, inside and out
Always say I love you when you part
Do little spontaneous things to romance the other and surprise them with cards or small, inexpensive gifts to let the other know how special they are to you
Read and pray together every day and gain strength from God to get through each day
Learn to compromise
Say you're sorry so bad feelings don't fester (even if you didn't start it)

Sure hoping you two can sit down and work this out and really glad you don't have children that will get drug through the mud if you can't solve all this.

We have been married almost 4 years and we have never had an argument. I am retired on disability but he still works outside the home and there is so much I'd like to do around the house but can't and he never complains. There have been times he has been stressed and has cut me short but I won't respond because I won't argue after being brought up in a family like that. He always comes to me and apologizes and I have done that when I thought I had hurt or upset him over something. I learned so much from the Bible about marriage, things I never learned at home or from others in my family where everyone nagged or bickered or physically fought rather than act like adults.

Good luck to you ~ keeping you in prayer

Answer 3

I will agree with you. A man's attitude can kill even the best love. My new husband gets in some moods, and I get in an even worse mood to pay him back, which is childish and such a waste of time. I can also relate to feeling like a bitter old hag; that is exactly how I feel when he does this to me. I just constantly aggravate him if he aggravates me. I wouldn't recommend this to everyone, though. I wouldn't leave him or divorce yet, but I would sure talk to him and give him a much needed ultimatum.

Answer 4

If you are in your mid 20's and don't see yourself as married to him in later years, now is the time to think about getting a divorce. Go talk to a divorce lawyer next week and get your rights in your state. Since you have no children with him, it can be a clean break. You shouldn't have to live like this with a husband that doesn't respect you. After you have seen the lawyer, sit down with him and talk with him. Tell him how you feel. If he laughs and doesn't respect your thoughts and feelings, you don't have any choice but to divorce him. You are young and don't have the responsibility of kids, so now is the time. Don't wait until your 40's. And be sure you never date any guy that when he gets in a mood treats you badly. I think your husband has always treated you this way. You just thought it would get better and instead it got worse.

Answer 5

well I have been married for ten years and by no means it is easy. when things go wrong it is always a 2 way street. everyone has flaws men and woman alike. learning to deal with those flaws is very hard. if communication is not there then a marriage will not last. talk to him and tell of how close you are to leaving and try to fix. since there are no kids involved the seperation wont be as hard. If you are totally unhappy then get out. no need to be miserable. but i think every realtionship is fixable if thats what you really want. after all you married him in the first place.

Answer 6

Okay... read this carefully, seriously:
He does not appreciate you the way you need to be appreciated. Not really. Men get tired of constant 'nagging' from their wives, but when it comes down to it, it's called compromise. It sounds like he doesn't do that. And on top of it, he puts you down? F**k that! I'm serious. Divorce him. You'll go through a time when it'll seem scary (if you're not already there), but I promise, it'll be best in the end. I'm basing this off the fact that you seem done now anyway. It's time to just get it over with. You'll go through a phase where you'll feel completely undesirable too, and then all the sudden you'll have more guys than you know what to do with.
How do I know? I was married, and when my ex-husband was deployed overseas, he cheated with a female soldier, then despite trying to make it work (on my end) he decided to leave me for an ex-girlfriend after he got home. They are now married, and I'm extactic to be rid of him and happy that I didn't let it go on too long! In between all this stuff, he refused to compromise with his schedule (I worked 1st, he worked 3rd, and when he was off, he "had to stay on his schedule" , so he'd sleep all day). He never helped around the house. He was "tired" all the time. Sh*t like that. Tip of the ice berg though. I'm now in a wonderful relationship with another man that shows me he appreciates me. He cleans, does laundry, provides, is a great father, tells me I'm beautiful (even notices when I get my hair cut and compliments me), helps my father around his house, etc.
And you know what the clincher is?? When I got married to my ex, no one in the world could have ever told me that it wasn't gonna last forever. To me, I had met the most perfect man in the world. Now I know the difference, and it was all worth it! Don't settle! Good luck sweetie!

Answer 7

Go ahead and do what you really want to do. Leave. Maybe the fact that you're not In Love with him, is causing you to stay mad at him. The great thing is... you didn't have kids with each other. If he is as you say he is and there's no drinking, drugs or friends invovled, then that makes it bad. I say that because most of the time one or all of these things cause a person to have nasty ways and if he's like this sober, then his personality is just jacked up. If you went for help time after time then you need to think about what's best for the both of you. maybe you get on his nerves too.

Answer 8

You have got to sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel. That you NEED to see results or you feel like separation might be an option atleast for a little while. I've been married 5 1/2 years and still feel like I have a college roommate living with me. His coming home from work and sitting on the crapper for a 1/2 hour annoys me. Then he sits on the computer for who knows how long, he eats and sleeps. I then have to clean up after his sorry old self and I don't feel a stitch of appreciation from him. We're going to counselling....finally. I feel like you do too...I just want out but then I think of how great its gonna be when we work this out together and figure it out. He's so great with the baby and our daughter and he's pretty hot too. Write down all of your husband's strengths and start praising him every time he does something for you...even something as little as taking out the trash or pumping gas for you. You'll start seeing results in his behavior towards you. Obviously, men will always have their weeknesses and I always wonder why no one ever told me about his disgusting hacking before we were married but I was too blinded by love anyway and would've married him anyway. Hang in there....I feel you have to do everything humanly possible to make it work before you get divorced...you have to "earn" your way out if that makes any sense. Just think of it this way, don't you want other people to want what the 2 of you have? (your relationship)...its well worth the work. Good luck...I'll be praying for you 2.

Answer 9

Sometimes when people are married young they grow apart. You have matured now and changed who you are. Doesn't sound like you are compatible anymore. Since you already tried counseling I would just make a clean break of it.

Sometimes saying sorry is just not enough. You are young and can start fresh. Don't look for a man right away. Take your time and enjoy being single. If you married young you probably haven't had the chance to explore your needs.

Answer 10

He shouldn't treat you like ****. It sounds like he doesn't really communicate with you very much about why his moods change like that. If it makes you that angry, I would either see a professional or just leave because you don't deserve to get treated like ****. I mean there might be a source to why he does what he does and if you love him, you should love his flaws too but not if it angers you the way that it does. You really have 3 options if you want it to work out to where you are happy. The two I have said...or just deal with it. But the 3rd one is pretty much ridiculous. Good Luck