i am married and we decided to have a child she went behind my back and?

Question

me and her are married im 29yrs old we wanted another child , she got pregnant and then went to her mothers and had a abortion behind my back and lied and said it was a miscarriage...i can't get over it i love her but it makes me sick ...we been separated for almost a year should i just file divorce and get this over with?

ok there is more...i also found out she had done this once before...we talked about having a baby and SHE wanted it as much as i did..and i didn't send her to her mothers she went to visit...thanks for your answers

Answer 1

i guess you should just get it over with since its almost a year and move along. for her to lie and get a abortion that is something that is most unforgiving. she doesnt consider your relationship anymore.

Answer 2

Something about her behavior was wrong. I would think and believe that she may have been pregnant with another mans child and that is why she aborted it! A married woman that is suppose to be in love with her husband and wanted to have a second child just does not do such a thing without reason. I feel she was lying and hidding something more than she will ever come forward and tell you. You both have been separated for a year now .....if marriage counseling cannot mend this and you cannot get over things and it all makes you sick .....then the best thing for you would be to file for a divorce. After this amount of time you must make the choice to forgive her or move on with your life sweetie. Good luck.

Answer 3

This is a very tough circumstance, I'd like to say that although I am a Pro Choice , I also believe that there should be a law protecting the fathers of the still fetus from being aborted who wants to keep the baby even when the mothers don't want to. I mean, it is a women body but it should be both persons involved in the decision, even more if they're married. So I understand the way you feel, now having said that....if you think you can't forgive your wife and you'll never get over it you should file for a divorce, I'm sure your wife had a very good reason why she did that....but when you're married you're in a team, and it's a two people decision, she acted on a very selfish way.

Answer 4

Sounds like you need to get divorced. There is no trust in your marriage. In most states a married women cannot even get her tubes tied unless her husband agrees to. And your wife had an abortion, File the papers, Did you ever think that the kid may not have been yours? or she got an medical problem? whatever she should trust you to tell you why she does not want to have a baby... Too many lies, what else does she lie about... I'm a women trust me there is not real reason to this unless she trying to hide something or is just pain nasty.

Answer 5

Only if you think you can't get over this. And since we do not know the future, the best thing for you to do is to forgive her for what she has done.

I know what she done was wrong. She should not have had an abortion and lie to you about it being a miscarriage. Have you thought about the reason why she would lie to you? is she afraid of voicing her opinion of having other children or on any other major issue she may have in the marriage?

Before you do something that you may regret later, the two of you will have to get serious about your marriage and respect the vows that you made to one another.

Answer 6

It sounds like YOU were the one who wanted another child. It doesn't sound like she really wanted another one. Or were you separated at the time she had the abortion?

I just have a feeling there is more to this story than what you're sharing.

Contrary to the opinion of some people, most women do not lightly decide to terminate a pregnancy. Have you actually discussed this with her and asked her why?

I think you need to mutually decide on the next step. If you both want to stay together, then you both definitely need counseling. If one of you wants out, you may as well get the ball rolling.

Answer 7

Dont divorce yet. Communication is so essential. Talk to her, try to understand why she couldnt have the baby. Does she not feel like she can handle another baby?

I am sure if you two are married, you do / did love each other. Having a kid is a huge thing, and dont get angry cos she aborted it... you and her need to sort out your relationship.

Just dont get angry at her and she will talk more easily, try to be understanding while also getting across how you felt.

Answer 8

Well for starters you guys being seperated? its sad for you both im sure.. and making a decision like that wasnt a easy one im sure for her... but leads me to the next thing.. why? something obviously wrong with your guys marriage.... maybe she didnt want any ties with you.. not saying that i think thats a good reason to have an abortion, as i disagree with it!!! but its done and over with now, so only thing left, is why? why did she do it? got to be a reason why she didnt want to share a child with you... i would def move on if you want kids and she doesnt... being a parent is a wonderful thing... hope i dont sound mean about it... im just trying to look at both sides... im sure your sad, and its not easy... she should of spoke to you about it before making a decision.. its selfish if your a good man.. :)

Answer 9

Technically the only reason for getting a divorce (I'm speaking MORALLY) is if your wife has been unfaithful.

However, she has murdered your unborn child. You might want to separate from her and if she cheats on you, which she probably will, then consider getting a divorce. If you go this route, you might want to do what you can to prevent some liberal activist judge in the divorce court from twisting things around.

Answer 10

I wonder what would make a person want to bring a life into this world (or at least act like they did) then terminate the pregnancy once it occurs.

Unless you can understand the why - and not an excuse she has made up but really why how can you ever trust her again?

Answer 11

You"re in a tough situation.I certainly feel for you both.Chances are you"re good people. You said you loved her well,if it"s conditional love than you"ll most likely leave her But if your love is unconditional you"ll need to fight against your anger fear and disappointment. Marriage comes with challenges ,this one is yours..In my life and marriage of 20 years i learned that is better to understand than to be understood.Embrace your wife, make her feel safe ,and secure, let her know you truly love her.Gently find out why she went behind your back, I can bet it was out of fear.Really listen to her.Try to feel her pain and make a commitment to be willing to help heal each other.All of these suggestions require you to demonstrate being a man of higher thinking.It is difficult but well worth it if you truly love her.I am a former member of the us army special forces and often had to be mentally tough in marriage before my wife passed away cause i truly adored her. good luck don"t forget to Pray it works wonders.