What would u do in this marriage situation?

Question

I met this guy when I was young. We dated and got married and were together for 6 years. After the drug scene with us I left him and now we are both clean and sober. We are still married but we haven't seen one another for 5 years. No kids. We still love each other. His mom doesn't agree with us wanting to get back together. What would u do? Please help.

Answer 1

Well there are TWO questions that you need to ask yourself:

What was the REASON for the two of you getting involved in the whole "drug scene" to begin with (was it b/c of unhappiness in the relationship or just b/c the two of you were young and "experimenting")?

AND

If you DID get back together is there even a CHANCE that one or both of you would "regress" back into your old ways and would it be an "excelerator" forcing either of you BACK into your "drug seeking" ways??

If you dont like the answers that you HONESTLY know in your heart to be true to either of these questions then I would NOT get back in the relationship!! Unfortunately, sometimes LOVE is NOT enough (sad but true!) You can LOVE someone with ALL your heart and soul and yet still KNOW that the person you are in love with is simply NOT GOOD for you or your well being!! Since you HAVE been apart already for 5 years, is it really worth going back and quite possibly having the "temptation" to go back into "old ways!?"

As far as the mother is concerned... truthfully, she should NOT even be an ISSUE AT ALL!! She is his mom... not his "keeper!" You are both now grown, mature and hopefully responsible adults who are quite able to make your OWN decisions w/out the help of "mommy!" Also, if the man you are speaking of has an issue w/ the fact his mom doesnt approve and THAT is the reason he isnt sure about YOU... then you are BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM! What grown woman in her right mind really wants a "mommy's boy" when he, himself, is supposed to be a grown man!?!

It is ultimately up to what your heart, soul and MIND feels and thinks is right for YOU and your well-being (hopefully all three will "agree" w/ each other! LOL)! ONLY YOU can answer this question (and I truly hope that you are honest with yourself and think LONG and hard about it before jumping into ANYTHING!)

Good luck in making this hard decision and good luck in love!! Take care and GOD BLESS!

Answer 2

I you are saying you have been together for 6 years and have not seen each other for 5 years I take you two are not very very young. I think whatever you too decide must be what goes. If you can't get back together because you are not strong financially, then that is something you need to talk about, plan and do, you will be more proud of your situation verse waiting to get the blessing and the furniture from his parents...

I think once his family sees you two are working on your situation and serious about getting back together, then what God brought together a man can not separate...in all religions...

Good luck... Must make sure both of you are sober and encourage each other to stay that way...life is way too short to waste it like that...

Answer 3

His mom may think that it will be harder for you two stay 'clean and sober' together. And why not? What you don't mention is that she probably witnessed a lot of trouble when you two were doing drugs together and thought that your addictions fed off each other. I'm sure that, like alcoholics, druggies can bond and overlook a lot of other things going on in their lives and marriages. You two already know that. What seems funny to me is that you are still married and looking for approval from his mother if you get back together. She may very well be right.
Your addiction might have given you a hard life. It's just as bad for a parent to see a child who's addicted squander their life and for her, you were part of that.

Answer 4

I would not even consider it, a reformed alcoholic avoids prior drinking friends. its your life, your choice, just remember you have to live with them.

Here is some information that may be helpful:

Years of research have shown that most long-term marriages have some very common factors and that the failure of any two or more of this factors in high probability will cause an end to the marriage. (Long term –is defined as a marriage of more than 20 years)

1.Both parties married at age 25 or older.
2.Religious compatible (example: Jews + Hindu just do not work)
3.Common goals (someone likes a simple life, not chasing material wealth or career and some that is very goal minded for gaining as much material wealth as possible, together they do not make a lasting marriage. Another example, a conflict over having children).
4.Social economical compatible (poor + rich only works in the movies)
5.Financial responsible (debt is the number one cause of divorce)
6.Open Communications (agree that it is OK not to agree, tell each other your most hidden secrets, keeping the secrets from everyone, no name calling, and etc)
7.Both parties are very much alike (opposite may attract, but they do not make for a lasting marriage)
8.Sexual compatible (variety in sexual act + partner that finds some acts repulsive, does not make a lasting marriage

Answer 5

Well the fact that you are still married says something. Either you couldn't afford a divorce or you still have hope. If you both are clean and willing to give it a chance God bless it! If you think being together will only make you backslide into drugs and all that mayhem I would think again. Maybe check into some sort of marriage counseling. It couldn't hurt. I wish you the best. Marriage is something to be taken seriously, no matter what anyone else says.

Answer 6

I guess my concern here is, why would his mothers opinion matter so much that you would need advice about the situation. Most adults, ready for a committed relationship would accept that one of their parents has an opinion but that wouldn't have any real baring on their relationship.

So, the fact that this makes you hesitate makes me wonder if you are ready. Can the two of you be together AND clean and sober? Is it too soon to know?

ONLY you two know for sure, and if you don't, is it worth the risk to your sobriety to find out?

Remember, what you two loved about each other is clouded in a haze of drugs.

Answer 7

If you both were into drugs 5 years ago and are now clean. You need to realize that you are different people now. Before you jump into being together, get to know one another again. Treat it like you just met and find out what kind of person he is now. You may find that he is not what you want at all. And maybe he will be. What I'm trying to say is that in 5 years both of you have grown. Make sure you grew in the same direction before you leap in.

Answer 8

If you're both truly committed to staying clean, then make a pact between each other that you will not sneak, lie, or try to get back into the same old scene. You must be competely honest with each other. About everything. Neither of you can ever look back. Life is a forward process. Stay committed to sobriety first, then each other. Then and only then can it work. Good luck to you both.

Answer 9

Hi... try a trial dating period for a few months... go out, have fun, etc (like everything is new). Get to know each other again like this was the first time. That will have you two under normal situations, give others time to adjust (the mom) and help you decide whether this is really what you want or you if are trying to relive the good ol' days. Just to be sure.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

Wow, after not seeing each other for 5 years, I would suggest (if you wanted to) starting a dating relationship again to see if you two are still compatible. Don't jump right back into things like nothing has changed, for I am sure you both have changed in many ways.

If you are able to work it out then great, if not you should both move on.