Am a 19 year, going to graduate H.S and bound for college gay male. In the spanish culture its wrong to be gay.Its 2007, And my mom does not accept my sexuality. She thinks am the biggest failure even though am the first bound to college. My mom is very old (75) and may not have all the time to live but when ever we make a truce, it never last. All ways fighting about who i am and who am i with.She streeses me out to the point of depression where am a shame of what i become.i love my boyfriend.She states that she does not care about my sexuality but she insults me and my boyfriend calling us dirty, discusting, and failure. I dont know what to do to keep living with her but we keep clashing every time. i have times when i want to move out and erase her out of my life.Is this the best thing before one of us gets hurt?
2007-05-19 15:04:50 · 9 answers · asked by opus018 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Go away from him. Move out from his sight. Live alone yourself.
jtm
2007-05-19 15:09:00 · answer #1 · answered by Jesus M 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you do have a dilemma!
I hate to say it, but at 75, your mom probably won't be around to give you a hard time too much longer. It sounds to me like you don't really want to move out at this point, but rather, want her to approve of your lifestyle choice. Not likely!
So, if you wanna stay, you MUST appease her to keep the peace - and to keep mom from stroking out. Would it REALLY be all that difficult for you to refrain from homosexual activity under her roof, as long as she's still alive?! Remember, in HER day, what you do was considered shameful and disgusting by just about everyone. I know you might think this is an unreasonable sacrifice on your part, but it is not. It's called respect.
As long as you live with mom, you and your boyfriend should meet elsewhere. DON'T rub her nose in it!!!
2007-05-19 23:12:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your current actions are just enabling her behaviour. She needs to break the habit. You need to stop enabling the habit. So change your ways.
I suggest going to your local PFLAG http://www.pflag.org and asking if someone would mind talking to your mother for you(if your mother will listen). Ask for someone her age, so that they can connect on that level. Then see if that other person can set her straight about homosexuality.
It's funny actually, your mom is 75. I have 2 white neighbours, on either side. One is in her 60s, and the other is in his 80s. Neither of them care. I was actually sort of surprised by this, being that they're white and older, I just expected a different reaction, but they didn't care. It goes to show that people's ages and cultures aren't an excuse to be closed minded.
Also, your mom might be taking other frustrations out on you. If she has pain somewhere for instance, physical or mental. She may be using these arguments to take out her general frustrations.
But one thing's clear, she's at anger. The stages are anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. She has to move through them, but they don't have to be in order, and some people keep looping.
She's having trouble coping, and your current behaviour isn't helping, so you may need some time out.
But you also need to see if there's a way to educate her on homosexuality, so she'll stop seeing it as the one bad thing in an otherwise great son.
One last thing, she may be afraid of losing you, to homosexuality, or to school. She may be putting you down in an attempt to keep you with her. Just a thought.
2007-05-19 22:57:12 · answer #3 · answered by Luis 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You sound very selfish." How can i live with a person who does not accept me for who i am"?
It seems mom is still living with you. She hasn't tossed your butt out of the house. I think your mom is being more tolerant than you give her credit for. And you are not accepting her for who she is!
She stresses YOU out!? What about her stress, and she is 75! It is well documented that parents who learn their kid is gay get depressed and stressed out.
For the kids who expect more than their moms can deliver...
A mother does not give up having her own set of feelings because she brings a child into the world. You are not going to change or control another person's feelings whether you are the parent or the child. Your mom is who she is just as you are who you are. You live the life you want to and she will feel & react the way she wants to. Nothing may change but she does have her own honest feelings and reactions as you do. She does not love you any less nor should you love her any less.
Tolerance means allowing another person their feelings whether you agree with them or not. Sometimes people expect to much. Expecting mom to accept your homosexuality 100% to make you happier is as unrealistic as your mom expecting you to change to striaght to make her happy.
Somewhere people assume that it is an unwritten law that a mom has to acceppt & support everything a child does. Sorry, but moms are people with their own feelings, opinions and reactions.
I feel sad for your mom that you could not have the respect for her or the maturity to not tell her you have sex with other boys. You said yourself she is 75 and may not have a lot of time left.
Stop being so selfish and think of other people for a change.
Regardless of your relationship with you mom now...you will miss her when she is gone.
2007-05-19 23:24:45 · answer #4 · answered by invisable_id 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, at 75 I doubt that your mother is going to change. I think that for your own sanity you need to get away from the situation. It is your life..and you are responsible for your own happiness. If your mother cannot accept that--then that is truly sad. But homosexuality appears to be her problem --not yours. Stay with your boyfriend...love is hard to come by in this world sometimes...Your mother shouldn't discard her love so easily..or maybe she just doesn't realize that she is really alienating/losing her son. Live your life on your terms.
2007-05-19 22:45:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you're college bound, I think you had better make sure your living on campus and not commuting from your mother's house. Try to get inot a school that's far away from where you're living now.
2007-05-20 01:06:38 · answer #6 · answered by hectik340013 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well..i kno about da spanish culture.im mexican..but culture has nothin 2 do wit it...well in my opinion no mother wuld like 2 kno dat their son/daughter iz gay/lesbian..etc. itz probly time 4 u 2 move out n start ur new life w/ ur bf..jst dnt lose contact w/ ur mom many ppl i kno stopped talkin 2 their parentz n lt8r on they regret it
2007-05-19 22:22:22 · answer #7 · answered by kvr3n b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, your mother sounds really harsh. I feel bad for you living in a home like that. I haven't came out to my mother yet but I really hope that she doesn't act like that. Don't be ashamed about who you are. How does your boyfriend feel about what your mother says to you?? If you need someone to talk to, you can e-mail me.
2007-05-19 22:09:39 · answer #8 · answered by dudeboy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems there is no dad in this story. That could be why you are close to your boyfriend
2007-05-20 00:00:44 · answer #9 · answered by maildad 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋