My boyfriend knows i want to have a child w/ him, he says we are too young. I am 18.?

Question

Well i am 18 he is 20 going on 21, by the end of this year i will be a sophmore in college, i know i am ready and i really want a baby. I see girls younger than I and i think "y can't i?" I see everyone with their big bellies and so happy, and i just get so jealous because they have everything i want. I don't know what to do, i've wanted a baby for a while now and i know im not going to be happy until i have a baby. How do i convince my boyfriend that we are ready? Help somone!!

Answer 1

you can't convince anyone to be ready for a baby, they have to decide they're ready on their own. i'm 34 and still not ready and my husband has been begging for 9 years now. he'll be ready when he's ready. furthermore, you can't pin all your hopes for happiness on a baby. if you can't be happy on your own, how can a baby fix all that for you? find your own happiness and then have a kid when both you and the boyfriend are on board.

Answer 2

You are being extremely irresponsible to even consider having a baby at 18 just to make yourself happy - especially when you don't have a willing partner. You have no idea what you would be getting yourself into. I have wanted children since I was very young, too, but am so glad I had the opportunity to grow up and experience life for myself before I got married and had kids. Raising children is not a game, is not glamorous, and is NOT about YOU! You should talk to other moms, especially young moms, before you make any decisions. Enjoy YOUR life as it is now. Once you are a mom, you are a mom for the rest of your life and your life is no longer your own.

Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom (I have a 2.5 year old and am due in 3 weeks with my second), but it is one of the most challenging (and not always in good ways) things I have ever done - and I didn't start until I was 30.

Think about the human being you think you need to be pregnant with right now and the type of life you could provide for it at 18. Someone else said "it's your life" but that really isn't true. You don't have the right to bring someone into this world because you think it will make you happy. You need to be responsible and unselfish enough to think about the life of your unborn child.

Lastly...relax. You have plenty of time.

Answer 3

Finish college, get a good job, get married if that is what the 2 of you want. You are still very young and have plenty of time. Those girls "younger than you" and "so happy" are probably drop outs living off the gov't or were lucky enough to score a rich man. You need to start the little ones off with a strong foundation. I wish I had waited to be more financially stable till I had mine. I was making $7/hr when I had my first and hubby was not making much more than that either. The second time around I had just lost a job(the company shut down) and did not get one for over 2 years due to pregnancy and various post partum issues. I had to pack up hubby and family and move back with mom. That was very depressing, being in my 30's. I've been through the welfare and food stamp system, I've had a club collect food so we could eat. Its is no fun. I managed to go back to college and get a good job, and things are ok now. Still living paycheck to paycheck, but those checks are much bigger now.

I guess I just want u to be sure your finances are in order. I regret that my kids had to go through all they did. You are already in college, which is great. It will be difficult if not impossible to finish if you have a kid now. The best u guys can do for your kids is give them a good start. I know u are eager, but you are still very young. I did everything in the wrong order: kids, marriage, good job. If you reverse that, you'll do much better and that is how it should be.

Answer 4

My dear, you don't "convince" your boyfriend to be ready. If he is not ready, then you would be sorry to push him to have a baby. You can't MAKE someone be ready. And at the young ages of 18 and 20/21, I suspect even you aren't ready. There must be something you are missing in your life that you think you will get from a child. Attention? Being needed? Unconditional love? I don't know what it is, but I would recommend you talk to someone. There is NOTHING wrong with talking to someone, and nothing wrong with wanting to be a wife and a mother some day. Honestly, I think all girls start planning their weddings and their children before they are even 5. That's because we know that is what we were meant to do when God created us! But no one should have a child until they are truly ready - not just emotionally, but physically, financially, etc. You should have a proper home, enough money to not have to worry about how you are going to afford diapers, formula, wipes, baby food, etc. I suggest you take a step back. Wait to finish school. Establish yourself in a career and let him do the same. And then, when you are ready, get married. After all of that, and you are settled, then you can start planning your family. Believe me, you will be glad you waited, and it will be a blessing to your future baby too. Praying for you and your BF - God bless!

Answer 5

All i can do is plead with you to wait!!! I just had a baby at age 26 and am so glad I waited this long. I think of all the things I was able to do before my son came along - the parties, the vacations, the lazy Sunday afternoons. When a baby comes along, that stuff is out of the question, at least for a few years. I see this younger girls with children and I feel so bad for them that they will never be able to experience the fun and excitement of being in your 20s with nothing holding you back. ALso, what you don't see with these women and their big bellies, is the weight gain, the puffiness, the sleepless nights, the constant worry that your baby is going to be okay, the jealousy you feel of your friends when they go out and and go on vacation and you can't join them because you're pregnant or you have a newborn. Think it over again sweetie!!!

Answer 6

Your story sounds soooo farmiliar. I was 20 years old when I decided I wanted a baby and would do anything to have one. Luckily when I "accidentally" became pregnant my boyfriend (now husband) was very supportive. I'm now 22 years old with a 1 year old son. It seems like it would be easy, but it isn't all fun and games. I was a full time student and had a part time job for 38 weeks of my pregnancy (through morning sickness, and back pain, swollen ankles, etc) I was there everyday. It was VERY demanding. My son was finally born the week of finals, on a tuesday, and 3 days later on friday I had a state exam I had to take that day so i sucked it up and went. Since then I've went back to school part time (med school), I work part time opposite my husband, and take care of our son the rest of the time. Not to mention I cook, clean, do the laundry, grocery shopping and any other household chores that need to be done. A child will change your life completely. I would honestly recommend thinking it over. . . making sure you have everything in order to give your child the best life possible because he/she is ALL that matter in the end.

Answer 7

I have two children, ages 13 and 10. I am a stay-at-home mother with a hard-working husband who makes a good living. Let me tell you, to be a good mother is still extremely tiring and difficult! Your boyfriend is right. Please complete your education, get a good job, get married and make sure your relationship is on solid ground before considering becoming parents. Once you have kids, there is no looking back - you have awesome responsibilities. It takes a lot more money than you think it does to raise a child, not to mention ALL YOUR TIME. Are you willing to give up going out on all dates for many years? Babysitters alone cost $10 an hour average, and sometimes you cannot find one to save your life. You did not indicate that either you or your boyfriend are independently wealthy. Children are the biggest blessing in the world - I don't blame you for wanting a child, it is natural. But please, think about the welfare of your child. I cannot stress enough - PLEASE GET MARRIED BEFORE YOU HAVE CHILDREN. Single mothers have the hardest job in the world, and all children deserve a full time father. Living together is not the same. Ask those younger single mothers what their lives are like now. You are 18 - not 38, there is plenty of time.

Answer 8

please wait. I know how you feel, I've been "ready" for a baby since I was 17. Now that I am 26 and am newly married, I realize that being "ready" isn't just a feeling. Its about having a stable dad for baby, a stable safe home, finishing college so I can earn a stable income and not have to compromise my time with baby while studying and going to class, having a good health ins. policy that will cover you and your pregnancy, and having the money to up your plan to a family plan. Do you have any money in savings? Have you thought any of these things through? Please do. The years will go by fast. Start setting yourself up now and it won't be long before you truly feel ready! The longer you wait, the more you'll have to offer your kids and the better the mom you'll be!

Answer 9

I felt like you when I was your age. I kept saying how much I wanted to have a baby and I think a lot of it has to do with horomones telling you that message. Try to ignore it for just a little while longer. I am now 23 and ready to have a baby. But I'm not currently pregnant. Have a little more fun before trying. Enjoy your late teens to early 20's first. Because there will be times that you wish you had that freedom. I know that thought keeps lingering, but keep fighting it. I did and I am glad that I did wait. Because now I have a good job and my boyfriend and I own a house!

Answer 10

Honestly, if I were you, I would wait to have children until you are done with college. Education should be priority, especially since having a baby while going through college is even more expensive then paying for college alone. You're only 18 yrs old, you should atleast enjoy the last 2 years of your teens without a baby and go out and have some fun. Once you're pregnant it's not good to go out and party and what not. Then when you have the child it's even harder. My advice is wait a couple more years because you're only this young ONCE!

Answer 11

Girl you are not ready. I got married at 21 and my husband was 20 and we had 2 kids right off the bat. Its a ton of work, no sleep, a lot of money also. My husband recently left me because he wasn't ready for children and now I am taking care of them by myself. Wait til you get your education because once the baby comes there will hardly be time for it. You could do night classes, but it will add more stress to him having to take care of the child while you are gone. Get some savings up, get married or at least commited to each other completly, and wait til he is ready. He is a good guy by telling you to wait and i bet if you talked to these girls that are younger they would tell you the same thing. You both still have a lot of growing up to do and I dont want you to end up like me where you grow up and take responsiblilty and he doesn't and you end up alone. Really think about this big time.