My husband and I are thinking about trying to work things out?

Question

My husband and I have been seperated for 3 months. Just recently in the past week I decided that I wasn't happy with the guy I was seeing, and he the same thing happened with him and the girl he was dating.

I told him that I needed to talk to him, and we decided that we wanted to work things out and prevent a divorce because we still both loved one another.

Now, where do we start? I told him I think we should go to counseling, but what else can we do to help mend our relationship together?

Answer 1

Talk about the things that caused you to fall away and figure out why they became an issue, then put them behind you and leave them in the past. Do little things to please each other. Learn to compromise and never raise your voice at each other when you disagree ~ and never go to bed angry. Be the first to say I'm sorry no matter who started it.

What makes him happy? A home cooked meal? Then make him his favorite dish and invite him over. Does he like to go to ballgames? Buy him tickets and the two of you go on a date. If he is working in the yard, go out and work beside him and he should help you inside as well.

But he should also do things that he knows you like to do. If you both give 100% of yourself and think of the other person regularly and what to do to make their life easier and happier, you will reap your reward and be happy, too. Never keep a scorecard on who has done what ~ that's for elementary school thinkers.

And go to church together and study the Bible and pray together. Get involved in some of the works at church and make friends and do things with them. You will have a good foundation to work with which will make you both stronger as God continues to bless you.

I do wish you two well and am so glad to hear that you are working on things. Keeping you in prayer :)

Answer 2

If you believe in God that will be key.
God is for your marriage so , one thing you know for sure in this situation is , God is on your side.
Pray and ask for direction on how to be the best wife that you can be. Don't worry about making him a good husband, that will take care of itself when you take care of your part.
Often times people see marriage as 50/50. The truth is
when we are trying for 50 we often fall short and give 40 while the other gives 60. Or resent the other in the times
we have to give 70%. I say marriage is 100%/100%.
If both are giving there all and not keeping score , it works
out better for both. Even if one fails at some point its less
devastating.



My husband and I were seperated for a year. I thought all
was lost. I too tried the start of a new relationship and
could never totally get my husband out of my mind. I am
thankful for that now. God placed that in us to cleve to our
own husbands. The hard part for us was the letting go of
the past two years. But we made a choice together. We
would not talk about past , we would start fresh. Dwelling
on the past only keeps us down. Look forward.

One thing that has helped us greatly is a book called
the five love languages. We had already realized that
the inlove feeling of floating on clouds was gone but this
book helped us understand our choice to love each other.

Answer 3

Start off by doing what you first suggested and go to marriage counseling. Stop dating and seeing other people. Recommit to the friendship and communicate with respect and kindness and you and him spend some nice quality time together to talk and hold hands and do a lot of hugging. Leave it at that for a little while and plan a weekend for just the two of you to get away together......go into a different world. get a nice hotel room with a jacuzzi and some lotion and slowly spend your time with each other. Go out to dinner and peacfully put things in order . aif you both have questions about the other people that you were seeing discuss this in counseling and leave it there. Rebuild and renew one step at a time and understand where you both have been and where you both never want to go again. You both can do this if you really and truely love each other. When you both are on the same road stay focused at all the things ahead of you and don't allow anything to side track you. Best wishes and good luck on your future sweetie.

Answer 4

Figure out what caused the break in the first place. If you have things that upset you, write a list.

When the two of you talk, LISTEN to what the other one has to say. Try to decide what it is that is causing the friction.

One example...do you want to clean off the table and do the dishes immediately after the meal and he wants to sit and chat and drink a cup of coffee with you? Which is more important?

Does he want to stay home for the holidays and you want to go to each relatives' house? Maybe an answer is to stay home one year and go to their houses the next year. My opinion is that once you have children, stay home and ask the others to come over. It's easier on the kids.

Emotion should not be a part of your conversation. Deal with facts. If your feelings were hurt, tell him and tell him why.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Make A Few Changes...I Don't Know Your Routine But...Try To Do Things Together..Simple Things Are The Most Fun...Rearrange The Furniture......Watch T.V. Together...Turn Off Puter...lol

Answer 6

Start with the counselor to work out any bad feelings and such thn take it one day at a time. Dont expect to star from where you left off as you have to get rid of the problems first that seperated you two. Wish you all the best in working things out

Answer 7

Don't rush it... use the counselling and try just dating each other without the sex to start of with, personally I find that sex clouds the issues that need to be dealt with. Try to clarify why it was that you parted in the first place and go from there.

Answer 8

Take it slow, go out on dates together, be his girlfriend again. Then take it to a counselor.

Answer 9

That;s the best place to start!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Luck with everything!