Divorced men only...sincere answers only please. Is it me or is it fear of commitment?? Part 1?

Question

My boyfriend is 49 he is divorced 7 years, from a 21 year marriage. He's a spirtiual man, very spiritual. I am as well...though we don't share the same religion, we have common beliefs. He doesn't have set priorities, but work seems to come first, and his hospice clients. He's pushed me aside for work at times, and that has gotten to me. Usually he's kind, sensitive, and understanding...he acknowledges my feelings and tries to make it up to me. It was just a month ago that he invited me to his Friend ( of 20 years) Mike's BBQ party, and there I met all his friends for the first time. Everything was fantastic...my boyfriend and I were both so happy, he was making plans on trying to get a house and sell his condo..he told me he was thinking about us going away for a weekend which was a surprize to me. But anyway, the next day as I was leaving on the bus to go home (45 mins away) I told him that we hit 10 months...he seemed "wowed" by it, and gave me a sincere squeeze (while in his arms)

Part 2....
Again, everything seemed perfect. That week he was suppose to come down to my place and stay over...but he cancelled that because his meeting in the city got cancelled. So then the next week he was suppose to come down..and he called me the day of, and told me he had to take reign cheque for another day because his hospice client (the one that he is trying to buy the house off of) called and left messages for him about the house and the figures they were going over. So he wanted to go see him instead. I thought he was just making excuses and I started getting upset. He then told me that he was thinking, and feels responsible for turning my life upside down because so much has changed. I asked him what he was doing, and why he was calling me at work telling me this. He said " You trust god, and I trust God, if we're suppose to be a couple then we will be" I started getting worked up...and told him that we are not doing this over the phone..we will talk in person....

part 3...
I went home, and called him, and gave him hell...I was so mad, and so upset, that he could just push me aside like that. Anyway, I end up saying things like " if you don't want to be with me, then don't, you and I both know you have no real intentions here, and it's always about how you feel, what you want, when you want it, how you want it...you don't think of me, you just push me aside like I mean nothing" I was just so upset and frustraited. I emailed him 2 days later apologizing for getting upset. That it was just my fears that got to me. I told him that I love him, and that I don't want to let him go, that we can work through anything, but he has to tell me when he needs space, instead of waiting for me to put it together... I told him to not make decisions without me that will affect me, and that all I ask is that he talks to me more...so that we both understand each other...and avoid miscommunication...

Part 4
He emailed me back, thanked me for my message, and said that he hopes to understand correctly, and that we both make the best choices..then he said we will talk more in person. He called me 6 days later, and asked me how I was, what I've been doing, how work is, and he told me how he was doing, he said he meant to call me earlier but he was busy, and that we should get together, cause no day isn't a good day. I told him I was just letting him have his space, to do his thing, and he said "yes and the same for you too" he told me he was going to pick up the key to the house to go look at it the next day, cause he's been contemplating his life-style and all that. He said that we would talk more, and I have not heard from him since. It's been 18 days. No call, no email, no text message. What am I to do?? He has always been a man of his word, when he said he was going to call he calls, when he says we'll get together..we do. What happened?? Did he just stop loving me, or get scared?

Part 5
I know this was a long question, but I don't know what to be thinking! This is not like him at all....we're talking about someone who is highly respected, excellent reputation, has a heart of gold, and is liked by everyone. He's a genuine man...emotional too..he doesn't act like stone. But this is a part of him I haven't seen before, and it's like it came out of no where! He's said I'm the only one he feels safe with, and at peace with..and the only one he's ever had a spiritual connection with. Does he no longer feel these things?? I mean...what happened? What made him run off? We had fights before...not yelling as screaming...never any of those...but just upsets...I know I said some things that were very accusitory...but I was just hurt..and upset. PLEASE...I don't want to lose him...what should I do?

Part 5
I know this was a long question, but I don't know what to be thinking! This is not like him at all....we're talking about someone who is highly respected, excellent reputation, has a heart of gold, and is liked by everyone. He's a genuine man...emotional too..he doesn't act like stone. But this is a part of him I haven't seen before, and it's like it came out of no where! He's said I'm the only one he feels safe with, and at peace with..and the only one he's ever had a spiritual connection with. Does he no longer feel these things?? I mean...what happened? What made him run off? We had fights before...not yelling as screaming...never any of those...but just upsets...I know I said some things that were very accusitory...but I was just hurt..and upset. PLEASE...I don't want to lose him...what should I do? I haven't called him, text him, emailed him or anything. I've been giving him his space...do I continue to?

Answer 1

email him what you've written here!

He needs to know you do care, and then let him answer. If he doesn't I would guess he is done.

Answer 2

If it wasn't for the fact that he's been married for 21 years and now is on his own, I would say that he found someone else. I do believe that he has purchased the house and now have 2nd thoughts about living together. Then you go and blow your stack and maybe that's what the ex use to behave like. If it's been 18 days since you lst spoke with him, it's pretty much over. Or he is involved with someone else. If I was you, I would take a day off and give him a surprise visit, but be prepared for what you might see or what he might say.

Answer 3

Give him time if you love him. Unless you have been hurt you dont have a clue what he is dealing with. sure they all say move on but he must be sure of himself to push him is to push him away. show him you are their for him not for you only and no more outburst thats the last ing memory of his last wife her bitching and complaining . You know what his job consist of can you handle it if not you might want to bow out . Give Love a CHANCE.

Answer 4

Maybe he is having second thoughts. The distance in your relationship may make it hard to really focus on you as a couple.

Answer 5

this guy obviously does not feel the same way that you do. don't humiliate yourself by clinging. break it and move on. there are many more people out there to meet. good luck!!

Answer 6

he just wants to focus on work because he fears to love again...