I would never normally do this, but.. can I have your brutally honest opinion?

Question

I have to introduce myself metaphorically for a creative writing class. This is a rough draft.. let me know what you really think. Thanks!


I am the rain. Some see me as dreary and depressing. I lurk in the dark clouds and collect in puddles. I laugh when a car splashes me onto you while you innocently stand on the street. I cause bad hair days and make you smell like a wet dog. Some see me as a blessing. I give life, I bring hope, and I even bring laughter. Sometimes I inspire song and sometimes I wash away the bad. I, even though I have no distinguishable flavor, am the most sour, yet the most sweet. Love me or hate me, you cannot live without me.

HA! I just realized.. and had to slap myself on the forehead... it should be the sourest and the sweetest. Most sour and most sweet is improper.

If you are interested.. here is an updated version (I have taken some advice from you guys..)

I am the rain. Some see me as dreary and depressing. I lurk in the dark clouds and collect in puddles. I laugh when a car splashes me onto you while you innocently stand on the street, leaving you to smell of wet dog. Some see me as a blessing. I give life, I bring hope, and I even bring laughter. Sometimes I inspire song and sometimes I wash away the impure. Although I lack distinguishable flavor, I am the sourest, yet the sweetest. Love me or hate me, you cannot live without me.

Answer 1

I think it's great! In the next to the last sentence, lose the "I" that you start with, it isn't needed and messes with the flow of the sentence a little. Other than that, excellent.

Answer 2

I really love this. If I were your teacher I'd give you an A for sure. Just an opinion -- I don't care for the wet dog part. I know you added it for your second draft, but it just seems a bit silly for an otherwise very evocative metaphor. Have you considered a career in writing?

Answer 3

I quite love Owen James! My fiance and that i've got Owen on our record! that's going to be Owen Tyler regardless of the undeniable fact that! I quite love Lilian and replaced into going to apply it besides the undeniable fact that it did no longer sound precise with my daughters first call so we desperate on purely Lily which i could no longer be happier because of the fact anybody compliments on her call, besides, I on the different hand do in comparison to Juliet in any respect! there is not any longer something amazing approximately it to me. i've got in no way enjoyed it, in no way will. With one among these captivating first call (Lilian) why no longer use a purely as captivating center call? BQ: Owen: - keep the midsection call James. If I had to %. a different one, it may be Michael because of the fact this is the only different call on the record i will remotely stand. Lilian: - quite could pass with Claire being my first decision and if no longer that then quite Elizabeth or Emily! i do no longer take care of Alice or Frances in any respect... too old and unappealing to me. value: Owen James: 10/10 Lilian Juliet: 5/10 <--- purely using midsection call decision.

Answer 4

I love it! Leave out the bad hair day,it doesn't belong in your great paper.

Answer 5

very nice - completes the assignment perfectly - should be an easy A.

Answer 6

Zesty.

Answer 7

Bravo!

Answer 8

I love it! Very intriguing. Almost poetic. No, not almost. Very poetic. A+!

Answer 9

Wow, that's so eloquent! I think it's beautiful! You get a star for this one!!!

Answer 10

I totally dig it