My 14 year old???

Question

My 14 year old is making me nuts! She is doing well in school but at home she is just evil to everyone. She mantains an 85 average in 8th grade which I know is a hard grade, which I praise her for. But she is just nasty to everyone in the household. Except when she wants anything or I am taking her out. She rolls her eyes and rocks her head back and forth. We just moved to a new house in a different town, so I gave her some leeway knowing that adjusting is hard and now she is worst than ever! What can I do?

Answer 1

14 is a tough age. This is when I think many parents start to become leniant on their discipline because they thing that their children are ready to handle more responsibility, but I really don't think most kids are ready for the parents to stop being strict yet. I would lay out very clear household rules for behavior, attitude, family participation (meals, chores, church, etc), and leisure time (how much time can she spend on computer, tv, games, etc.) and also VERY clear and specific consequences for any kind of infraction of those rules. Then the hard part--you have to deliver the consequence, the same way, EVERY time.

For example, I would set a rule that every time she rolls her eyes, or makes whomever is talking to her feel as though they're being disrespected, she loses the priviledge of using the computer for the next 24 hours. If she slams the door to her bedroom, the door comes off of its hinge for 1 week. If she verbally snaps at someone in the family, she loses phone priviledges for 3 days. If she is caught either committing the same "crime" again during that punishment period, or goes against the assigned consequence, the time period is doubled with each new infraction.

Write your rules down, and post them (after a family meeting) in a common place. Then, when she gives attitude, immediately site the rules and the consequence. This takes you out of the position of "bad guy"--you're just following the rules like everyone else. Of course, it would also be helpful if anytime you have to give a consequence, you sat down with your daughter and gave her suggestions as to how she could have handled her frustration, annoyance, etc. differently to avoid the trouble again.

14 is a tough age. Good luck!

Answer 2

Do not give her any more leeway. Be firm and straight with her. Communicate your expectations and the consequences of not meeting them. If she does not meet your expectations, take action the first time. Do not hesitate, remind her that the rules were already explained and that she made the decision to be punished when she broke the rules. She is at a difficult age but you can mitigate the effects of it by being as straight as possible with her. You are the mother, you should be in control. Help her enjoy herself when shes doing right, and do not feed into the negative, just shut it down and take action. You are at the point now that if you do not cut the crap short when it starts, that it will only get even worse as you have seen. Use as few words when disciplining her, just say exactly what you mean. "Go to your room now", "Stop talking right now". Do not get emotional or loud with her, never scream or argue with her. You are then feeding directly into her. You lose the fight when you lose your cool, the person who wins is the one who stays the calmest. Try bringing the tone of your voice down from the high pitch to a lower firmer pitch. For some reason children respond better when being disciplined to low pitched voices. Which is why dad can sometimes just says two words and call all the nonsense to a halt. The child is not afraid of the punishment any more than with mom, they just respond to low pitches better. I've been shown some information that suggests this through a program that I work with my students, I'm not an expert on it but it does seem very relevant.
Hope I helped.

Answer 3

I don't have any kids of my own but I have been around a lot of teenagers and they all seem to go through a phase similar to that.

1. I know it sounds cheesy but when she asks you for something (like a cd, dvd, clothing) you could tell her that she can have it if she pays for the item with her own money. If she's too young to get a job (14 may be to young) you could have her do things around the house at minimum wage. Set up a chart with certain chores that she is supposed to do each day or each week. Whenever you get paid you can pay her for the work. Set her up a checking and/or savings account and deposit the money she earns into the account. Let her keep a percentage of what she makes to spend on whatever she wants.

2. Find out what kind of activities are going on in the community and get her involved - church youth group, scouts, 4-H, volunteering of some kind, taekwondo/karate, etc.

Answer 4

i am around that age so i understand the way shes acting. Maybe shes just feeling a little misunderstood, and feeling like she wants attention. She's probably really missing her friends too, its really hard to make new friends and start off new. Just have a talk with her and figure out what you need to do to help her be happier. And if she's still rude... consequences do work...wether us teens like it or not. But have a talk with her. It helps give you an idea of whats going on in her life thats making her act this way, and it helps her understand you care.

Answer 5

Don't give her what she wants, when she is being nice like that. If you give in because she is being nice then, it teaches her that she can be as rude as she pleases, and people will just forget it, and she will still get things. And it is hard moving to another town, but there is no excuse for being rude to your parents. Tell her shes not allowed to go out, or do anything until she learns respect. She can't be nice only when it benefits her. Talk to her nicely, don't fuss or get scolding-ish, because that will just get her more upset. Try to focus on her good aspects, "Honey, I love it when we go out together, and we have such a good time, and you're really pleasant to be with." then, when she is rude, tell her then, "You're being rude, and I would appreciate it if you would act more respectful." If she still does not tell she is not allowed to do anything until she behaves.

Answer 6

the first thing that comes to my mind is that she is having trouble in school with an indivivdual or a certain group of individuals, because when teenagers feel sad/depressed the usual reaction is to project this emotion in the form of anger or hostility towards anyone else. Have a talk with her and see if she is having problems making friends, or is being bullied at school. if however, she responds no, then talk with teachers, other school officials to see if they have noticed any problems. hope this helps

Answer 7

you probably feel like nothing will change her right?
well take it from me. when i was 14, almost 4 years ago, i was similar. the reason that i acted this way is because i thought my friends were my family. i even remember telling my mom that i hated my family and considered my friends my family because they were there for me.

well, it ended up that i got into a huge arguement with one of my friends and everyone took her side and stopped talking to me. it was at that moment that i realized my family mattered most. suxks to say, but u just have to be patient with her and eventually she will make a realization.

Answer 8

put ur foot down she thinks ur playing with her and u wont be ruff prove her wrong and also if that don't work embarrass her a little also u can take every thing out of her room so its empty and let her see how it feels 2 have nothing and how other feels that are less fortunate!!!!!

Answer 9

she is going through teen years my brother is 14 and he is always the same my mom cant do anything about it (atleast she has good grades)

Answer 10

Talk to a child counselor