Marriage plus an affair....?

Question

Wife, 27, begins affair with husband's friend (both friend & husband are 33) of over 20 years while still living at home and then moves into her own apartment. Affair is very serious, lasts almost 6 months. Completely emotional, physical, etc. Wife is ready to leave husband for friend. Then 5 weeks ago, at the 11th hour decides to go back to husband and try to save the marriage. Both seem "sincere" about trying to fix this. She's in counseling, he's in counseling, but they're not in counseling together yet.Tells husband of affair but makes up a fake person that she had affair with. Doesn't want husband to know it's his friend. Family and her friends are willing to go along with cover-up. They're spending lots of time together, but he has stopped talking to his friends and she still talks to the friend twice a week on the phone. I have 2 questions.....
1. Will the marriage survive?
2. Will he find out who it really is, even if he's not actively pursuing it.

Her 4 best friends know, her mom, dad and 2 brothers know, none of HIS other friends know although they all suspect she had an affair. His family has no idea either.

Answer 1

1. No, the marriage won't survive.
2. Yes, he will find out who this other man is even if he is not actively trying to find out.

Answer 2

1. The marriage will not survive. She is trying to revive a relationship based on deceit and lies. There is no firm foundation for anything lasting. She also is not ready to let go of the friend, so she will start up the affair again when she is under emotional stress.
2. He will find out. He already knows. He just hasn't had the courage to bring the truth out in the open. It would mean perhaps saying good-bye to both his wife and his friend. She also lacks this courage to discuss the truth openly.

They need to be in counseling together. They need to have the strength to bring out all the truths and resolve all their issues. They need the strength to say good-bye if that is their final choice. It is the lack of courage to face life on their own that keeps them weakly clinging to one another.

Answer 3

No, this marriage will not survive if she continues to talk to this friend of the husband's. And yes, I think he was surly find out about who this man is because eventually, the wife is going to feel guilty and give in. Then she'll be too late because she had a chance to let him know from the get go, but she and her family choose not to tell him the truth. I just can't see this marriage surviving. But good luck...

Answer 4

The marriage will only survive if you end communication with thissupposed friend NOW!. I think you have to tell your husband who the affair was with, would you rather have him hear it from a stranger or even this friend of his. He will find out one day then there is going to be a whole pile of crap hitting the fan. I think if he knows he will be able to tell his now ex. friend to get the heck out of his life and he will be out of yours as well. If you want this marriage of yours to work stop communicating with other guys even if they are friends or your husbands because it appears you are just a whore that can't stay faithful.

I think it wise that both of them are in counselling and I hope someday they will be going as a couple.

If you are this supposed friend just stay the F away from other men's wives.

Answer 5

Eventually he'll find out. No secret ever really stays a secret. It could survive but that betrayal of trust (not telling about the friend) coupled with the other bretrayal (affair) may be too much for the husband to handle. She should come out with it one time and deal with it from the get go.

Answer 6

okay first she needs to quit lying other wise no the marriage will not survive. You can't have a marriage without honesty and she's already broken the first rule with cheating and lying. So if she really really wants to make this work then she needs to be very honest with him. Also yes, all secrets come out eventually and if he finds out that she not only has been lying and cheating and she and her family are covering it up he will be more hurt, angry and upset. She made this mess, now it is time to face the music and be honest about everything!

Answer 7

Tell your husband you slept with his best friend and sign the divorce papers. Liars have a funny way of GETTING CAUGHT. Don't wait until ten years down the road when you have children and the friend tells your husband. Besides, if you two are really in love the affair wouldn't have happened anyway no matter what you two were dealing with. You don't love him enough to be with him. He doesn't deserve this and neither do you. Tell him and get divorced, that's the best thing.

Answer 8

The marriage should not survive. That man should get the hell away from those idiots only interested in sex. He should know that this sex object that he married (can't call her a wife) and these creatures (can't call them friends) are playing him with such disrespect and as the biggest fool.

Well I hope for his sake, he gets a divorce and I hope to God, THERE ARE NO CHILDREN INVOLVED!

Answer 9

My guess is the marriage is about over. Will he find out that his wife betrayed him with his best friend. Most likely someone will feel the need to tell him or he will find out himself by accident. It is sad to see 3 lives destroyed.

Answer 10

No your marraige will not survive, if you are in counseling and still cannot be completely honest then you are doomed.

Your only hope is to come completely clean and get into couples counseling.

1. No
2.Yes