Scenario: Elderly parents (83/84), financially secure though not well off, failing health, living in own home. Only surviving child is 52, has chronic illness, lives 850 miles away with new husband, starting new life. Moving to city where her parents live is only possible if done without her husband.
Parents think she should come live with them until they pass on and take care of them. (Mother is mentally ill, father is alcoloic, both were abusive parents, but always helped daughter financially).
What are your thoughts?
2007-05-19 08:29:54 · 14 answers · asked by bobo 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
Well, it's obviously not feasible to move in with them.
However, that does not mean the child has no responsibilities.
There are senior programs in every community that the daughter can find out information about on line.
Many cities have senior centers with activities and help for older people, and programs like meals on wheels are invaluable and might make the parents feel cared for.
Regardless of their problems, the daughter has responsibility to do the best she can for them within her limitations.
2007-05-21 18:00:28 · answer #1 · answered by maxmom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
there are many elder resouces out there. Companies like eldercare locator or a place for mom are free services that will help you find care for your parents if they are doing ok at home maybe a caregiver 3 days a week. YOu can alos hire a geriatic manger usually social worker who specializes in these areas. When the time comes they can help you find a personal care home, assisted living or nursing home. check on your parents when you can. If you have to move them closer to u but having them in there own area with people who know this preferrable. Let them take care of themselves as long as they can Remember that no one knows your circumstances but you so don;t let others make you feel bad simply do the best you can and ensure that your parents are safe and take care of.
2007-05-22 12:48:46 · answer #2 · answered by thelmashirley 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do I ever understand the dilemma!!
In most countries people revere the elderly and take care of them.
Would they be able to live with her? Probably not if they are like you say.
They definitely need someone to check in on them on a regular basis. Would they be willing to sell their home and get a small place near her?
You asked so I feel that as the only child she has a certain responsibility to help make their lives easier. At least try to make it where they don't live so far apart.
2007-05-19 17:24:31 · answer #3 · answered by gabeymac♥ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately most people do not plan for their aging years, and so these kinds of problems occur. There are a lot of options available:
assisted living facility
home health care aide
senior day care
I'm sure there are more but these are what come to mind right now. You can contact your local senior center for more information, or the senior center in your parent's city. Most states in the USA have a Commission on Aging. Check out your state's website. You can also google "senior citizen's services", "eldercare".
2007-05-22 11:06:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I feel so much empathy for your situation. It is ok to tell him you are waiting for his doctors guidance. If it is possible to transfer him to a facility very near you, visit often and try to find time to bring him to your home for a meal now and then. You may even consider moving him to your home while employing someone to help him with his personal needs, cheaper than a facility. Even moving him into a nearby apartment and employ a live in person who is competent and needs this kind of job which would provide a home while being an assistant and companion for your dad. Just possibilities. I wish you well, it is very tough when you have these sort of decisions.
2016-05-17 14:38:03 · answer #5 · answered by maribeth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The daughter should concentrate on her new life with her husband. It sounds to me like her parents have been like that for a long time and are going stay like that with or without the daughter. She is obligated to her husband first.
Maybe they should sell and move to be close to her so that she can keep an eye on them, but she is not obligated to put them first before her husband.
2007-05-19 15:20:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depending on what state they live in...there are programs that help the elderly live independently for as long as possible. Asking you to move in and take care of them is too much, even if you were their power of attorney. If they get worse call APS and let the state handle it. It is not your responsibility.
2007-05-19 13:56:07 · answer #7 · answered by Berdie 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think that even if they had been wonderful parents it is very selfish of them to ask her to leave her husband and move back to take care of them. If they are not able to care for themselves, there are assisted living places, not necessarily a nursing home.
2007-05-21 02:57:19 · answer #8 · answered by Classy Granny 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The child is NOT responsible to take care of the parents.
The parents are still of sound mind. They can begin looking into care for themselves. They are adults.
The child can send encouraging letters if she feels guilty. That's it.
2007-05-24 09:42:30 · answer #9 · answered by Tina Goody-Two-Shoes 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am 73 years old, my children have no responsibility for me or my wife. Parents are always responsible for and should help their children whenever possible, after all it is the parents 'fault' that children are born
2007-05-19 09:20:09 · answer #10 · answered by kif 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋