he's under a lot of pressure and it's seriously reflecting on our relationship. I'm trying to be there for him, but it's not easy to deal with "I don't feel anything" ... I know it has nothing to do with me, but it's tough, and I have no more energy ... and I feel that, if I break, it's all going to go down, and I can't let that happen. With all the problems he's having, the last thing I want is to become one of them, but I feel lonely, my self confidence has almost disappeared, and I just don't know what to do any more!
2007-05-19 08:06:21 · 19 answers · asked by tricky 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Have you tried to speak to him and tell him about what and how you feel? Or if you did, isn’t he concerned about you? Or whenever you’ve seen him sad and miserable, have you ever tried to simply tell him “I love you” and then kiss him? And if you did so, was his reaction the same? No one can just “don’t feel anything”. If you tried so hard and got so far, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. It’s only that he needs time and you don’t have the patience to wait for him. You can try at least one of these things (if didn’t tried them until now): you can try to simply tell him that you love him and then kiss him and make him forget his problems at least for a short while, or even better, you can try to take a vacation together and go somewhere without phones, internet and all that so that you could leave all those problems behind and be just the 2 of you. If don’t have the money for that, you can at least plan a day for you and him without any problem. A short escape would help the both of you: it would help him to forget all his problems for a while and it would bring you some tenderness, tenderness that you seem to need very much. If all this don’t or didn’t work, then the only solution left is time. Time solves them all, you know what they say. Sorry if I couldn’t help you.
2007-05-19 08:30:25 · answer #1 · answered by tb_guesswho 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing that you need to do, is to earnestly evaluate whether or not he is doing what needs to be done to eliminate the pressure. If it has nothing to do with you, he has to take an active role in relieving the pressure and not just acknowledge that it exists, while continuing to live in misery. If it's a job situation (like mine) change jobs, create a non-profit or go to school. If its previous relationship issues, you need to give him the time (and space) to make decisions and to take action. (Do not allow yourself to be dragged into his past; you must always look and move forward). If the pressure is coming from an emotional issue (bitterness, anger, an emotional hurt or wound) he needs some counseling. You, young lady, need to adopt the principle: "When helping you starts hurting me, I am in over my head." To allow anyone to kill your self confidence, speaks to your need to recognize and reaffirm your self worth and the importance of your value. The fact that he "doesn't feel anything," is a glaring red flag that he needs some help. (He may be depressed). Dealing with male emotions is a delicate process; and when he reaches a place where his hot woman, good food and great sex can no longer reach him, he (and you) need help to get thru that. I am not a certified counselor (yet) but I have lots of counseling and relationship experience, and recognize certain signs when I see and hear them. If he is not willing to reach for help, you need to remove yourself from the situation and focus on your own recovery. Two broken things never made anything whole .
2007-05-19 15:34:32 · answer #2 · answered by TheDiva 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first you need to pluck yourself out of his depression.
You need to get time for yourself, where you are the only item on your list of priorities. Do fun things, on your own or with other friends. Make plans, don't just let the fun happen all the time, or too often we end up doing housework. Housework MAY NOT be used for allotted priority fun time ;)
When you've gone out and had some laughs, it;ll be easier for you to get back there and perhaps drag him, kicking and screaming, there too.
Dealing with depression is really hard, especially when it's not your own. There are support groups available in most urban areas for families or sufferers. You might find great relief there, or at the very least a list of resources and treatment option advice.
GL, I'll be thinking of you.
2007-05-19 15:14:50 · answer #3 · answered by alisongiggles 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you should know that pain and suffering is always there not to break you--but to nourish you and help you grow. He must deal with his pain and use it to his advantage. You cannot take the pain from him--because it is meant FOR him. I know sometimes you wish you could sacrifice yourself, but you must know that you have your own pain that you will have to face.
All you can to is counsel him--nothing more. You are not God, and you cannot make him do something he doesn't want to do. He has to stand up on his own and deal with his problems( whatever they are).
You are a good person for trying to help him. But you cannot become Jesus and sacrifice yourself on the cross. Everyone must carry their own and move forward. He has to grow spiritually, let him grow from his pain.
I hope this helps. But if he goes crazy on you, then maybe a slap to the face will help.lol.
2007-05-19 16:15:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand totaly what your going through ;you are the back bone of the relationship ;and it all gets too much sometimes ;take some you time;tell him you know things are tough at the moment but you are being as patient as you can be;but you expect things to improve or else good luck
2007-05-19 15:14:29 · answer #5 · answered by christinebarrow@btinternet.com 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
either he's really, really bad at cheating or you need to be more supportive of him. maybe you two should take some time off, see if he comes back around. if you feel as though you're part of the problem, then there's some communication issues you two need to work out ...
2007-05-19 15:10:51 · answer #6 · answered by collard greens with hash browns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um okay here goes the cheering up attempt: just say the word "diarrhea" to a stranger. That always makes me feel warm and fuzzy in side--giggle.
2007-05-19 15:10:35 · answer #7 · answered by Vicki B 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, you need to sit down and talk to him, its not fair that it's hurting you too. Why don't you see a cousillor for what ever is happening, go together, show support that way.
2007-05-19 15:10:39 · answer #8 · answered by Monkey Dancer 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I believe the best thing you could do for yourself would be to get busy with something interesting to you. It will help take your mind off the current situation.
~
2007-05-19 15:10:26 · answer #9 · answered by fitzovich 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you love him alot thats all and if he loved you he would under stand how it is affecting you and try to make him self feel better for the sake of you not saying that he doesn't care about you he probably does i...i...i don't know how to explain i am on house arrest .i'm14
2007-05-19 15:10:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋