how can i keep my mouth shut?

Question

meeting MILaw for 1st time after 9 years of marriage... she wasnt a very good mom and denied her children a very different life which would have been better for all of them has never apologized for all the self inflicted crap and for the failure to protect... she is self centered and does the poor me routine so how am i gonna keep my mouth shut?

mom was in and out of picture i wouldnt say she raised the man i love

Answer 1

This isn't about you. It is about him. If you proceed to rip her a new one it will not change the past, will not get you any brownie points and will make your hubbie feel that he has to be in the middle of a fight that he may not want.
If he has issues let him bring them up. Let him fight his fight. If he feels the need for a confrontation he is a big boy and I'm sure he can handle it on his own. Be there to support him. That is it. He may have come to terms with his childhood and the fact that some people just are the way they are and just wants to see her.
You can feel the way you feel. You can grit your teeth. You can excuse yourself if it gets to be too much. But stay out of it. You only have to deal with her for a little bit and then she will not be there for years again.

Answer 2

Look at it this way. If she wasn't a crappy mother, then he wouldn't be ther person he is today. I'm not saying you should give her a big hug and say thanks for being such a selfish *****, but at the same time, it's not like you spend loads of time with her either. Just get through it and move on, for your husbands sake.
I empathize. My mother in law was totally an unfit mother. His story is too long, but short of it is she would rather do cocaine, than have a relationship with her kids. He was kicked out when he was 15 and raised by her ex boyfriend (not his father - he was a sorry excuse for a parent too). She has been clean for 10 years now. To hear her talk she was a great loving caring mom and anything negative that happened wasn't her fault. We are only around her every few months and when she calls and my husband isn't home, I just don't answer the phone. She is a big phony and I can't stand it, but at the same time, it is his past with his mom and I have no right to cause a ruckus about it. I just smile and get through it and go home and forget it until the next time we see her.

Answer 3

Force yourself. Grin and bear it. Do you have another choice? Just smile, and make lite conversation. It will only be for a couple of hours. You can do it. Talk about anything but the past.

If you have kids, talk about them. Tread lightly. It will be over before you know it. What is really bothering you is the anxiety before meeting her. Once you see her it will all dissolve.

Then most probably it will take another several years before you have to go through this routine again.

Answer 4

No matter what she did or how she did it, She is still his mother. If it were not for her he would not be here. She could of had an abortion or put him up for adoption. You have no idea what she has gone through. People handle things differently and you have to know that people do only what they know how to do. Some don't have the skills to learn better or the drive to know better. Do what your husband asks you too and nothing more. Try to be the bridge that will put these too back together again. I know it is hard to listen to how your loved one has had a heart break over and over, however he needs to let go and deal with her and accept the past for what it is. No one can change this woman.

Answer 5

You just keep it shut. That is your husbands place to pick a bone with her about that. Ask your husband what he expects of you during this meeting and respect his wishes. If he is bringing her to meet you now, he might be looking for some kind of relationship with her and you going in there blasteing her would hinder that attempt. Leave the door open for her, be polite and welcoming. If she steps on your toes at all, then you may want to say something to her, but if not, keep it smooth and simple.

Answer 6

You have to-it isn't your place to say anything to your MILaw. Whatever she may have done or not done is something her children need to come to grips with. They need to either accept that she didn't do everything right and they have a choice to either forgive her and accept that they cannot change the past or forget about her if they cannot forgive her. Yes children are a product more of nurture than nature, but that is not an excuse to not to do the right thing now that they are adults themselves. They cannot change the past they can only have a better future but they have to want it and then do something about it. GL

Answer 7

are u sure your mil and mine are not the same? ha! I can only tell you what happened to me...I opened my mouth, and now my love of my life and i are broke up. Sometimes you have to just grin and bear it. At the very least, let your spouse know how you feel. If he really loves you and respects you, he will try to find a way to allow you to express your feelings. but be very careful. Mommy can be very sneaky.

Answer 8

The generation gap .Perhaps your way of doing things can be one among the reasons,which make her behave such.Due to her age ,her ideology is very difficult to change.She has reached the age to be understood .Don't make her understand, that will grow her furious.Tomorrow will be as such.Sow the good seed so as to reap the good fu ture.

Answer 9

Just keep smiling and knowing in the back of your head what kind of person she is. The kids all made it though it so just let it be. Just because you are meeting her now doesn't mean she is going to be in your life forever now. Get though the meeting and be done with it.

Answer 10

Let the past be the past. If the woman is of any substance, she knows what she did was wrong and probably feels guilty. It would be hard to not say anything, but you need to try to because what would it accomplish anyway?