we have 2 kids been together for 7 years and my kids and i will be worse off money wise when i go i know what i need to do i just want ideas on how to make it less messy because every time i try to go he turns very nasty to me and the kids?
2007-05-19 05:56:31 · 10 answers · asked by Danielle C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi Danielle,
If you have really made up your mind to leave this situation, then thats half the battle already....you didn't give alot of detail as to how he has stopped you from leaving so far...you don't need his permission to leave, and if you need help leaving you can call the police to standby while you move out...at the same time, you can request a restraining order and a trespass warning for your new address...either of these will have him put in jail if he comes near you...or, if he is violent to you again before you are able to leave, be sure to call the police when its safe to do so and have him arrested...then you can move while he is in jail...Hope this helps!
2007-05-19 06:14:46 · answer #1 · answered by Dokdouglas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take off when he is at work leave him a note not saying where you have gone but tell him if he wants to talk to the kids he can call them. Get a lawyer involved right away and file for full custody no kid should be raised by someone that has a violent tendency. You need to get out this is not a answer this is an order get the F out before he kills you and the kids.
God Bless and Best Wishes.
2007-05-19 13:01:43 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u cant leave without telling were the kids are at least now here in Canada u cant he needs to know were the kids are but i don't think in a violent situation u can really leave without a mess however i think its true u should call a shelter just for the first days or so and they might even help you out ...i must say i am glad you have made the right decision for you and your kids best of luck ...big hugs to you and your kids
2007-05-19 13:05:41 · answer #3 · answered by silly lilly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have already committed to the idea of leaving, and if that is so, let me suggest this.
I don't think you can leave without it being a mess. Your husband is likely to be angry over it, particularly if he is the controling type. I think you have to brace yourself for that reality. If for some reason, he wanted you to leave and is happy about it, all the better.
What you have to tell youself is that if you are considering leaving, your life is already a mess. The only way out of it is to leave, even if that makes things messier in the short term. As previous people have suggested, surround yourself with supports (shelters, family, friends, etc). It will be difficult to start a new life, but if you stay with it, it will be worth it in the end.
2007-05-19 13:09:03 · answer #4 · answered by Pythagoras 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
god, sounds like my sister. first you need to devise a plan. girlfriends, coworkers, family- help? ok. now start getting stuff together to move. clothes, blankets and some money, if you work. start hiding this somewhere. do not break pattern. go and get a protective order by police. do not let him know. and then --i know a piece of paper may not do much, but. try to find a place on the state border. somwhere where he knows you will not go. many people will help yoou if they see your being abused. thrift shops can be cheap too. buy some benadryl. slip 100mg in him before you decide to leave the night before, dye your hair, and make sure you have your kids records, wear clothes that aren't you. opt for doing what you don't do, and trust me i won't lie.. he may come after you, which means you got to get a custody lawyer- pro bono and in your city hall. file first and make sure you can prove your case with abuse. good luck. take the kids and go by bus and go at night when he is gone or sleeping.
2007-05-19 13:06:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Really, there is no way to avoid a mess and no right time to leave. Once you have enough money or a safe place to move with the kids, you need to leave. Once you leave, you need to file for a restraining order to protect you and the kids. Next, you need to file for support for the kids. Don't feel bad for him, and put yourself or the kids into a dangerous situation.
2007-05-19 14:25:33 · answer #6 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just leave when he is gone. take friends or family to get your things. This is what friends and family are for. I have told my sister anytime she needs me, I will be there, and I'm sure most brothers are the same, if you don't have any brothers, get some friends. Most guys won't do anything if other people are around. Just mention that you and your friends won't blink before calling 911 if he starts anything. good luck to you.
2007-05-19 13:06:42 · answer #7 · answered by crash27_m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to make your kids your number one concern in your life. if he is a threat to you and your kids, then that is a sign to get the hell out. you don't have to tell him where you are going. would you rather have money or your kids. if you saty there you might loose your kids to the state or worse the three of you might die if the the abuse is that bad get out while you can and get help. there are plenty of resourses out there for women and children.
2007-05-19 15:56:44 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you must leave. You cannot stay with an abusive husband for your sake and the children. You can go to Legal Aid beforehand and they help abused spouses get a divorce.
2007-05-19 14:21:22 · answer #9 · answered by shandy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
contact a shelter but your going to have to be serious and not sabotage the whole thing. The shelter will help you get a new life.
2007-05-19 13:02:05 · answer #10 · answered by wishingstar5555 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋