Thought's on this short poem written by me?

Question

Watch where you walk.
Watch where you walk;
those gaps in the floor will swallow you.
Watch how you talk.
Watch how you talk;
wreched lies and panic
are flourishing.

Answer 1

You show a good deal of promise but your missive is not finished. Where are you going with it? You can follow a pedestrian image so far and the story begins to suffer. Your story, as I see it is about being cautious about where you go and who hears your ideas. Will they be stolen, lost given away or just left laying around to die?

What you have offered is well written and the repeating of phrases shows lack of confidence that reader did not hear or understand you. Believe me we hear and enjoy what you have written there is just not enough.

You have a natural flare with words, you need a little more study in the technical side of writing poetry. I would like to see more of it and looking forward to your next project. Keep up the good work!

Answer 2

I do like it. I might add "up" to "swallow you," and shouldn't wreched be wretched?