Should I call my husband?

Question

My husband walked out 4 days ago saying he loves me but he's not in love with me and he's gone to his sister's house. Should I leave him alone or call him to come back. He seems very angry and I can't get him to communicate and tell me what's wrong. We went to counselling once but he wouldn't return cause he didn't like that the counsellor told him he had to learn to be a husband and not put his friends and work first.
What should I do? I want him back and I want us to get help. We've been married 4 years and have had no sex life for about 12 months as he says he's just no interested and makes excuses that he thinks I don't want him?

Answer 1

You deserve an explanation as to why he's not in love with you anymore. But it seems right now he doesn't want to talk to you--- when he calms down -- he'll come home for one reason or another. I would wait to talk to him then.

Answer 2

You can call him and see what he has to say or if even he will talk with you, for the most part if he wasn't interested in sex with you for a year, I would say he has either found someone else or just doesn't want to be with you. Some men like the chase, even though he is your husband, and some find it to not appealing at all. What you need to decide is this the way you want to live the rest of your life with him some day again up and leaving a 4 year marriage. It seems by what you have wrote he has taken everything and everyone over you in this marriage. Could it be you are missing what could have been?

Answer 3

If you don't really respect him, nag him, or try to control or manipulate him, then he will stop "communicating". Communication is a silly term that is misused by women all the time to describe what happens when men withdraw from partners because they are fed up with nagging, manipulation, and being bossed around.

So ask yourself a few things here: are you a flexible giver? Both partners need to be flexible and giving. Do you treat each other with respect? Without mutual respect, you aren't "compatible". Are you honest and assertive and confident? Without integrity and confidence, you lose respect and trust. Are you bossy and controlling or nagging? If you don't respect your partner, they will leave you eventually.

Ideally, you date long enough to know that the person you marry is flexible, giving, confident, has good self-control and a positive attitude. Without these things, all relationships breakdown (whether or not the people in them stay married or not). 90% of all human "communication" is non-verbal, and tone and inflection are at least 50% of all verbal communication. If you are controlling, manipulative, etc... believe it or not, you are communicating... that you don't respect your partner.

So here you are: you marriage has broken down, and your partner's interest level in you is very low. Can it be fixed? Almost never. Can you learn from this and become a better person? Yes, you can. You can only fix yourself.

BTW, you are getting some ridiculous, highly-subjective answers (one person even said you may have to leave him, but... he's already left you, so how's that supposed to happen?). We all make mistakes, we all have failed in relationships at some point in our lives. What's important at this point is that you learn from your mistakes so that you don't make them again (and you and he both made mistakes in this relationship, or it wouldn't be broken right now). Learn from your mistakes, and then forgive yourself and forgive him for the mistakes you two made, and then you can let it go.

Answer 4

Please don't call him; he needs to sort some things out. I think you should go to the counselor alone. It is obvious that your husband has some serious issues that you can't fix. It's time you worked on yourself. If he says "I'm not in love with you," you can't make him love you. Besides, you are worth more than a man having a tantrum, because that's what this is. He may also have found another relationship, because the lack of sex seems very suspicious. I would recommend that you get your life together; take classes, find work. If he sees you getting your life together--without him--he will either work to get things back on track with you, or your will be stronger without him. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 5

Sweetie...I've been where you are! Let me give you some advice I wish someone would have given me (this happened to me a year ago) DON'T CALL. He's already left, it's the hardest thing in the world to accept, but you HAVE to accept that it really is over. I know you have a million questions you want to ask him, but you aren't going to get those answers, and if he DID give you answers, they wouldn't be the REAL answers. This will be one of the hardest things you will go through, but you CAN make it through it. You are stronger than you think. Once you start to put YOUR life first, instead of the life you had with your husband (which you valued more than he did), then you will find that you are on the road to moving on. And you DO have to move on, I know you don't want to, but you HAVE to. You can make it through this, but DON'T call him. He clearly doesn't want to talk about ANYTHING. I know you want him back, but it's not going to happen, he wants to move on. You are hanging on to the "dream" of what your marriage can be, instead of what it really is. I wish you SO MUCH luck, hang in there..you are strong and you will come out of this a much better person.

Answer 6

Call your sister-in-law and see if she has any ideas on what is going on with him. 12 months of no sex sounds kind of strange. But if he's been stressed too much, that could be why he's not been interested. I would at least try talking to him, but it kind of sounds like he's already given up on your marriage. It might just be time to let it go and get on with your life. I would at least call and try to get some answers. Good luck!

Answer 7

Nobody enjoys rejection. BUT....when your partner loses interest in you and the relationship, IT IS OVER! It happens. There are no guarantee's in life. There is an old saying...you can't beat a dead horse. It is time for you to begin a new life without him. You start by seeing a divorce lawyer. There are new adventures waiting for you to explore.(& plenty of good sex) You go girl.

Answer 8

Just pray and tell him you want and love him,if that's how you feel.He needs to make the marriage a priority it sounds like.He may not have the tools and not be willing to seek help.I know this is so hard on you,but if he wants to be reckless with your heart,you will have continuous heart ache.I know it sounds like we are married to the same man,and I have been married for 4 years as well.You are not alone,I would continue to be true to what you have in your heart for him,just realize he may not be the best for your life.You will be in my prayers as I pray for my own marriage.Be blessed and know God loves you and he is for your marriage,but your husband needs to be as well.

Answer 9

you need to call him and have some heart-to-heart talks about what is going on. Either you both decide that you are committed to the relationship and making it work or part company. nothing in between will work. It's one way or the other NOW!

Answer 10

Call him!!!! Do everything to try and work it out, try different counselors, seek guidance from a pastor, communicate openly and honestly. But at least give it all you've got before you divorce. Best wishes to you.