I feel in love with a married man.... I want to stop seeing him because I know it's NOT RIGHT, but NO I cant stop because I am truly and deeply in love.
Note: he loves me too, but has NO intentions on leaving his wife
What should I do????
2007-05-19 02:22:05 · 43 answers · asked by SugaryCherries07 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The old saying..."if a had a nickel for how many times I've heard this....." It is a sad situation for sure. It would be easy to say the negative for this but as you know it's not that cut and dry.
My heart goes out to you.... how long have you been seeing this gentleman? Are there kids involved? Do you and he have any together? I am more concerned about your view of yourself. Did you know that he was married when you started the relationship or did the sex come then the information. The realms of psychology states that women that find themselves in these type of relationships are prone to repeat them. I ask myself why and the only answer that befalls me is that at some point in your life your self worth was diminished and you deemed it necessary to find a safety net. People think that it's simple and that you have the capability of being a homewrecker. But he has told you that he loves you and his wife and the family/life that he and his wife have created. That may or may not be true and to be honest is of no consequence because he's not changing anything. He has the best side of this situation. If you tell his wife he can promise that he made a mistake and ....loves only her and .... would never leave her" She too has a commitment to their relationship and maybe children, so she forgives. Then you and he fight about your calling her, and.... of course you "let it go" cause your are sooooooo in love. The only person that's being hurt in this relationship is
Y-O-U
Do you love you?????
Is your love so deep in this man that you don't realize that this relationship is hurting you every minute you allow it to continue? There's something missing in you that allows you to believe you deserve so little when you have so much to give. I strongly suggest that you speak with a therapist or your clergy.... Self worth and self esteem as well as self respect will enable you to do what you feel "in love" unable to do.
It amazes me how we as women that are supposedly so "emotional" seem to not show any love for ourselves especially in a love relationship. Do you believe that he is tormenting over the right and wrong of this? I doubt you are the first extra-marital relationship he has had. Please love yourself enough to get the help you need to walk away from this self destructive relationship. Sometimes we can be our ownself's worst buddy. You can let him go..... you just have to believe that. It's not about that you don't love him anymore... you just realized you love someone else enough to walk away....... YOU!!!
2007-05-19 02:55:34 · answer #1 · answered by Bubbles 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Step back a moment; though you are in love, ask yourself one question. If you were married to him, how would you feel if you found out he had a girlfriend? If he truly loves you, why won't he leave his wife? If you got together, how do you know you can trust him? Sadly, relationships like this only benefit one person--the man. He has his cake at home (despite what they tell you), and he can have his ice cream on the side (you). You are worth more than this; take the time to ask yourself why being the "other woman" is enough. If anything happened to him, what are your options? Your rights? If you have a child by him, other than child support, what is the long-term outlook for your relationship? It sometimes seems easy to date married men, but you destroy a part of yourself, are with a man that is not in your best interest, and the "relationship" is empty and dishonest. You are worth more than that. Talk to a therapist and find out why you are are accepting less than the best in your life. Break off the relationship. Will it hurt? Probably. But you are worth SOOO much more than this. Good luck and God bless.
2007-05-19 02:30:30 · answer #2 · answered by Judy W 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How young are you? I hope you are listening to yourself asking such questions...I know you can do better than just thinking that it was ALL WRONG yet not doing anything like flushing the AFFAIR to drain right this minute...It will NEVER ever...WORK..I hope that this man do not have KIDS...because if he does, you should END that right now and i mean now! Please think straight and think of his family that you are trying to ruin, put yourself into his wife's shoes and imagine how you would feel. It HURTS isn't? It HURTS a lot! Could you bear the faces of his kids and wife crying out for HIM when he is not around? I'm sure you can find someone who deserves YOU more because I know you have all the LOVE you can give..but...give it to someone who can LOVE you back completely...You said it yourself that he cannot leave his wife, so don't waste your time...Imagine if your parents got separated because of a third party, would you be hurt for yourself and most especially for your MOM?...It really is hard for now, but, it is better to feel that, when you look back after ending this, you will be happier and you will be able to smile and say "It's Over and you're movin' on!" Don't forget to pray too... I am sure he must have told you that he loves you a lot of times, that you are better than his wife, promised you this and that..and so many things...but please, give yourself a break...if all what he told you are true, do you think he would say that he couldn't give up his family for you? Tonight, look at yourself in mirror, cry all you want...reflect... but most of all imagine yourself being FREE and moving on...I will assure you, you'll be more contended and happier....God will help you through this...i promise you...
2007-05-19 02:52:46 · answer #3 · answered by Jude B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually you can stop, its a matter of taking action and doing so, block the phone calls, emails and don't allow him to come over and see you. Stand up and know that this guy is in lust with you not in love. Ask yourself is it the excitement that keeps you involved or just the fact that you can send him home to his wife when you get done with him. I bet he says everything you want to hear and you say everything he wants to hear. Let me guess, he is not happy at home and his wife doesn't understand, she is selfish, blah, blah, blah; classical lines. You gotta know that you are more than this. Its not your place to play 2nd to a wife he never intended to leave in the 1st place. I'm sure he sees you as a pick-me-up whenever life at home is not going well...You gotta stop seeing this guy for your sake. Who is to say that the wife don't know about you already and she is waiting for that perfect moment to attack you....she would have every right, you are dipping into her kool-aid. Love will make you do crazy things and you don't know if the wife is crazy like that...You gotta pick your battles, let this man go...If he ain't no good to his wife, how do you think he will be good to you? Love yourself and hope you make the right decision!!!
2007-05-19 02:36:08 · answer #4 · answered by Lil_MissVal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't ignore the test forever, obviously. If you're actually late by two weeks, go get one at a drugstore. And like you said, you didn't do this all alone, not only does he have a right to know, but he has a responsibility to know as well. Still there's nothing to know until you find out for sure. If it was me, I'd tell my sister, a friend or my mother and get the test over with. You can't hide from this now, You can't move forward till you know,, One step at a time.
2016-05-17 09:24:43 · answer #5 · answered by isabel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can stop right now that relationship,if you think about this real fact: He does not love you at all,he only want to have sex with you and that is all about.Why? because he never has the idea; or even think, to leave his wife,because he really love her indeed.Thousands of women are going in the same trap around the world;when a married man tell them: I love you,but I can not leave my wife,because bla,bla,bla. Please think well,and clear,and think not only in this wrong relationship,but think in your future life.After you finish with him,he will have another lady like you,and he will says to her,the same he told to you.There are thousands of men like this men around planet earth.You deserve to have the best future for you,dating a man without compromises and not a real liar.But at the end is all up to you.This is a honest advice from a yahoo's member.Good luck,think good and well.God bless you every day in your life,and give you strength and wisdom to solve this tough situation.
2007-05-19 02:47:04 · answer #6 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you should ask yourself if you are willing to publicly acknowledge your situation. If you are not then maybe you are not so truly and deeply in love. If you are willing to wear a pin on button that says "I sleep with a married man" when you are in public then continue what you are doing. If you are not willing to do this then tell yourself that every time you see him you have to wear the button the next day.
2007-05-19 02:32:26 · answer #7 · answered by don n 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
look, you should put an end to it or go freaking tell his wife. She has every right to know what is going on. I bet she loves him too and if he REALLY loves you then he needs to leave her. If he really loved you then he would leave her, and he wouldn't have gotten you and his wife into this horrible situation. How would you feel if your husband was screwing someone else, and telling them they love them and then going home and pretending that they are in love with you? and she will find out about it. We always do find out. And for someone that has been emotionally raped because of my husband having an affair let me tell you that it freaking hurts worse than anything i can describe here. So if you have any dignity i'd tell mr. loser that is lying to you about being in love to get his extra thrill before he goes home and has more sex with his wife, who he is probably saying the same thing to her to take a ******* leap into a deep lake! Remember sweety, if he loved you, really loved you he would leave his wife. He don't love anyone but himself!
2007-05-19 02:31:22 · answer #8 · answered by wilfeistykitten2003 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know this is a difficult situation for you, but you have to end this relationship. Because what you're not considering is that this man betrayed the trust of someone whom he vowed to be with for life. Even if he leaves his wife, what will prevent him from betraying you. I know that's a harsh reality but in general a man who cheats on his wife is not a trustworthy individual. He has to live a lie, and honesty is the foundation for any intimate relationship between any man or woman.
2007-05-19 03:52:29 · answer #9 · answered by roughruggedraw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you even start seeing him in the first place? Of course this man isn't going to leave his wife for you, he has it made a nice loving wife at home and a mistress on the side. And him saying he loves you is a bunch of bull,,, i don't feel for you at all, you knew it was wrong and you went out with him anyway.
2007-05-19 02:34:18 · answer #10 · answered by sweetemtation_123 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋