Ladies who had and abortion answer this?

Question

my wife had an abortion and 2 days after it we had a big fight about how i wasn't taking care of her. she up and left. she's cold, angry, and is moving on really fast. she's moving out next weekend and already has a new place. Did your marriage fail after an abortion? did you place the blame on your husband? did you leave then realize that you need him after the anger subsided or could you never return to the scene of the crime (ie your marriage with your husband)

Answer 1

I sympathize with you. My husband and I had an abortion, I wanted the baby he didn't, timing wasn't right, and I do not believe in abortion. But I knew if I had the baby I would not give it up for adoption. Yes I blamed my husband for awhile, especially when it seemed he just went on with life and I couldn't get passed it. We had plenty of arguments,and to this day I think of the baby and how old he/she would be. You just never get over it, but the pain goes away and is replaced with regret. Can I ask why you two had an abortion? She is angry and hurt and feels something is missing right now. Give her alittle time, then try to talk to her, see if she would consider counseling, both for her and then for your marriage. Let her grieve alittle,that's part of the healing process, let her know you are there for her and how you felt about the abortion. My husband was in the room with me when I had it done, he started to cry too, it was to late for us to change our mind but it will never happen again. That happened 6 years ago, we have been married for 6 and a half years and now have a 2 year old little boy. Life goes on she might need some help to get on with hers. Good Luck, if you love her don't totally give up yet.

Answer 2

I hate the judgemental people. I guess I have more questions than answers for you. Was your wife trying to get pregnant? Had you discussed children prior to this pregnancy? Was it a decision you both made to abort, or were you pushing for it? It seems as though she has a lot of resentment and anger toward you, which is leading me to think that she may have wanted this child after all. She may just need some space and time to sort out her feelings about it and you. I can tell you that it is not easy at all to have an abortion, and it does take a serious emotional toll on a woman. Without knowing all the facts, I'd say be patient and supportive until she is able to talk about her feelings. She's running away right now.

Answer 3

Maybe this was just the excuse she was looking for to finally end the relationship. My r/ship didn't fail after because it was already on the rocks. Yes i left and no sorry i didn't go back, but every circumstance is different. I didn't blame my boyfriend but i didn't want another child to him at all. When a woman goes through this thing it's a loss inside and you never get over it and to ease the hurt it is sometimes easier to blame the bloke. maybe this is whats happening in your life. I hope if you both do still love each other a bit of time and patience will heal and you will join up again. I certainly don't claim to have the answer i can only give you what went on in my head and life at the time. Hope this helps some. Blessed be both of you.

Answer 4

Either its hormones or this is just an excuse she is using to leave you. I mean she found a new place really quickly - had she been looking awhile? She may have wanted out of the marriage for a long time (hence not wanting the child) and now this was just the catalyst she needed. I had an abortion as did several people I know and none of us went insane or even rearranged the furniture as a result.

Answer 5

There are alot of missing parts here for me .
1. How old are you guys?
2. How long have you been married?
3. Did she have an abortion after you were married?
4. If so , as a married couple what was the reason ?
I am sorry to ask I just cant rap my mind around why a
married couple would have an abortion.


I have not had an abortion but I had a best friend who put one of her children up for adoption. She thought about it long
and hard and made her own choice to do it. One night after
she gave the baby up, she was in a deep sleep next to her
boyfriend (the dad of the baby) when her Father came into
the room screaming her name , trying to wake her up
because she was beating the snot out of her boyfriend
while she was still asleep. After they finally woke her she
cried and cried while curling up in a fetal position. Saying
how she hated her boyfriend and she hated herself. IT WAS
VERY HARD ON HER. The boyfriend and her were never
the same and even though it was her choice, its the age
old idea that the man should be the stronger one and take
care of things. If he had just stood up (in her mind) she
would not have failed and made this choice. They broke up
and both moved on to other relationships.

The only hope a couple has for something so huge and tradgic is God. Pray for her and yourself. Ask God to heal
these deep wounds. Ask God to forgive .

Answer 6

My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years and we stayed together through an abortion. It was tough because I did blame him at time but had no real reason to. He just really didn't understand what I was going through and he expressed things differently. There were times I wanted to leave but we learned to talk about it and with work things have been good. That was over a year ago.

Answer 7

Why did she have the abortion? Did you make her have it? If you forced her to do something she didn't want to then she's upset and now feeling guilty. You should have discussed this before the abortion.
And you probably weren't taking care of her.. it's a major operation and she's feeling sad and sore. You should be waiting on her hand and foot. Get after her, buy her flowers, and show her you really really care and love her.

Answer 8

abortion does really mess you up. i had one when i was 17 (i was with my husband but not yet married) and i didn't really truly feel like i wanted to loose that baby, but he did. so i had the abortion. i blamed it on him for years. i called him a baby killer even though it was me who made the final decision. maybe thats how she feels. maybe way in the back of her mind she wanted to have the baby, but didn't want to have it with someone who didn't want that kind of life with her. it's important for you to take SOME blame if you took part in the decision. let her know that you're hurting and grieving too (because to her she just lost a child) and that you love her and want to help her through this process. it took me 5 years, and having a baby for me to get over it. my husband was supportive through all of that time, and that's a big reason why we are still together because i did want to leave after aborting my baby. i wish you luck because it's a long and difficult recovery.

Answer 9

Any marriage would fall apart after such a crime. If your married and don't want to have a child together and you have children with other people then it's a sign the marriage isn't going to work and things will never be the same. Time to move on and don't forget your condoms!!!

Answer 10

you and she need post abortion counseling asap. Go to a crisis pregnancy center for help; they are run by Christians and would most likely have tried to talk you out of the abortion but now that it is over; they will still help you, without condemnation...and it will likely be life changing for you and your wife....

This is one of the side effects of abortion they don't bother to tell you; it is common....no you did not take care of her. But you can reconcile it -- it is not too late. My prayers are with you.