Has anyone else had a marriage like mine? What should I do?

Question

My wife goes through severe mood swings. This is what I get from her on a daily basis (Angry 25%, Critical 25%, Happy 25%, Depressed 25%). I always agree with her and let her have her way to keep peace in the relationship. She is the boss. It's the only way I can live in peace. But it's warring me down and now I, once a happy individual, am now very unhappy and depressed all the time. What should I do?

Answer 1

I think your wife is unhappy with herself, she seems to be lonely and takes it out on you, I am guessing she doesn't have any friends or many real friends, doesn't get out much and Relies on you to much for attention and when things aren’t going well with anything seems to like to take everything out on you then feels guilty for being a *****, so then feels depressed, I think you need to get counselling together and alone and get her a hobby or a job so she meets new people and has some self worth and confidence and makes new friends…
Things take time so you will just have to try and hang in there and hopefully things improve… over time

Answer 2

I can relate to that. Some women are like that, control freaks. And some even want to rule the roost. I don't know what you're going to do in the future. Do you know what has been bothering her so she would fly off the handle? Sometimes I heard it can be hormonal eg. thyroid problems can manifest itself in this. Often if you have children, the problems are magnified a hundred times. If you do not support them, eg. give your time in caring for kids, do some housework, some of the chores at home or not earn enough money and financial problems creep in, then this creates added stress and fatigue is one of the things that make a wife really angry. I would say, analyse the situation and find out what the root of the problems are. Also, some women if they are insecure can be jealous, and also very controlling. Examine your relationship carefully. Are you also the type that has many ex girlfriends ringing? Or do you flirt around with women from the office? Anything a woman can get jealous easily. So it all depends on the home front and all little things add up. You can improve things by helping out from time to time and also, maybe have a little break or a short holiday away from the home to ease things a little.

Answer 3

REVISED (hit submit by accident the first time)

I'm wondering if it's behavioral (drama queen, spoiled...) or if it's something clinical, such as bi-polar disorder, depression or something of that nature. Is she on medication for anything that may be causing these swings? Could she have a hidden drug or alcohol addiction? Has she always been like this, or is it recent (could it be partially hormonal)? Does she realize what she's doing and the effect it has on you? Please see a counselor yourself, to keep you sane and manage your stress. He or she very well may recommend that you stop letting her be the boss as it's not truly keeping the peace. You're letting someone out of control be in control. You may need to stand up for yourself and her, or at least insist on getting her to a doctor. Or barring a medical reason, to couples' therapy.

Hope this helps and good luck to you. I honestly don't see how you can deal with that on a daily basis. It's got to be wearing her down too, to go through such swings. And your children, if you have them, are not learning very functional behavior and must be walking on eggshells as well. (I grew up with a father with unpredictable mood swings, and by the time I was born my mother was a depressed shell of a woman and we kids all had ulcers before adulthood from the chronic tension.)

Answer 4

Is your wife clinically depressed or going through any physical hormonal issues? If yes than address very carefully. In either scenario though I suggest you take her out and calmly explain how you feel and make sure you let her know that your concerns are for her as well, and how could you help her etc. My husband and I are happier now that we are more open in calming invornments. We use to internalize our feelings and then have major blow outs that lead days of misery and hurt. Once we tried the help each other approach, it seems that things are better. Marriage as any other relationship will have its disagreements. The better friends you are, the better Husband and Wife you are. Good luck!

Answer 5

Try marriage counseling, it might help if a third party points out that she is being unreasonable. Women tend to have a hard time taking criticism directly. Is she depressed going through menopause. A number or medical conditions both physical and psycological can effect a woman's mood. If this is a new thing I would call your fammily Doctor for some advice.

Answer 6

Sounds like your Mrs. is suffering from Bi-polar disorder.
Very common ,especially amongst women.I prefer to seek the
counsel of a natropathic doctor or an herbalist.psychiatric
drugs are hit/miss and have some nasty side effects.
This is a difficult illness that takes toll on the sufferer and her
family.Remmember ,she's not crazy,irrational or any of that.
Bi-polar disorder is a legitamate illness a physical one.
your sound like a patient,loving husband.Approach this
calmly and you both will be the better for it.

Answer 7

It sounds like your relationship is deteriorating. She is probably unhappy with the way things are and lashing out at you. I think you need marriage counseling. It sounds stupid but there are "pros" who have seen these things before. I think you should do something about this since you are unhappy and depressed. It bothered you enough to ask about it online. If you have identified a problem, shouldn't you try to fix it?

Answer 8

I'm sorry to say this... Get out!
I went through a similar marriage and spent 18 1/2 years doing the same thing. She ended up cheating on me and that was the last straw! I'm now 43 and somehow have to learn how to start over! I wish I had followed my heart years ago and ended it then.

Answer 9

Women, myself included have mood swings..1 week during the month we have pms, the next week we have our period, so if were lucky we have two good weeks out of every month, except during those two weeks we also (as well as the other two weeks) we have to deal with cooking cleaning, children bills etc. so forgive us for being moody. In your defense however your wife may suffer from depression or be bipolar, only a shrink can diagnose that. I know I use to suffer from depression which made my reg mood swings amplified. I actually thought my husband may have wrote the question, lol but he never gives in. He left me because of the mood swings, i went on Lexapro, I feel better..Im not so quick to blow up anymore. Im still moody but alot better. He came back..we still have problems, like i said he never gives in and does not feel he has to try at all to make the relationship work, he feels he doesnt need to change. Its all me, which is why we still have problems. its not all me. Ask yourself what it is she is bitching about, and see if you play any part in that. Like if she bitches about you leaving dirty dishes in the sink for her to wash, wash your dishes..thats one less thing she has to complain about. good luck

Answer 10

I agree w/ mrssandr... I am in a similar relationship and I am the wife, and I am probably described the same way as your wife. if I am not your wife. And alot of my problem comes from 16 yrs of giving in to everything that everyone else wants and being told to wait for what I want. My husband is the control freak and what he wants takes precedence.

I hear the same thing from him, I am wearing him down, and it seems like he doesn't realize that he is wearing me down too. He is perfect in his eyes and doesn't need to change... I have heard "if you don't like it leave" so many times that I sometimes think that is exactly what he wants me to do.

so try putting yourself in her shoes and taking on her responsibilities, and giving her everything she wants and put her needs in front of yours once in a while, and see if that doesn't help