How would this make you feel?

Question

I'm pregnant, which i'm really very happy about. Me and my fiance, who is nigerian are due to get married in a few months. he really would love a boy, which I'd be happy about too but I would love a girl also. I have 4 kids already from a previous relationship. The thing is the other day my partner said in discussing the 'baby'...in relation to a boy...'my baby' as in his baby...I said what do you mean he said well if its a boy its my baby if its a girl its yours...I said jokingly well I'll remind you of that when your little boy needs feeding, nappy changing etc, then reminded him whatever the baby is it will be ours. This got me thinking though and I questioned him this morning about having another child...I said...If we have a girl would you want to have another baby and try once more for a boy...definate yes....I then said so if we have a boy and I would like to try for a girl...could we..He said he wouldn't want to...he thinks because I have 2 girls already I'm greedy..wot u think

I'm not on benefits I've always worked, I studied while raising my four kids who are now 10+ have a PhD and run my own business thanks. For the five years prior i've worked FT in education and PT in my own business.

My 4 kids from my past relationship are emotionally and phsically well cared for they live between me and my ex, getting the best of both worlds, having as it is 2 stable families. As my ex has a new partner also who they are very close to too. If my children were young I would not at 36 consider more children, but as they are 10-14 i now consider it a perfect time to have children with my new partner. My partner is the most caring and loving man and treats me good, but does have the 'nigerian' mentality that men are superior, although he does realise that he has met his match with me. His attitude sometimes does lead to debate, which he finds hard to sometimes understand my point of view on, but he does listen and he does try to understand, which is why i know things will work out, but by no meand will it be easy. Thanks for all advice

Answer 1

its a guy thing. and i hate that. and if you point it out "he'll be right"

GAH.


I think its selfish of him. and he's making it sound like he wouldn't love the child unless its a boy. my husband would want a boy too but he would still love it if it was a girl and if it was a boy we would still have more. I just think it was kind of selfish and rude. and he has no idea how much that kind of thing bothers a pregnant women. i mean we're already emotional enough with all these hormones

Answer 2

You know what? i the last little while Im really seeing how difficult relationships can be, always trying to make considerations for the other person, always compromising, or not! I think compromise is a really important thing within a relationship, if you dont have that and you always have to go along with what someone else wants or they always follow you, whats the point?. I wouldnt be very happy in yur situation, and I would sit down and talk to him about this, I would tell him hoiw you feel because otherwise you will stress yourself out and this could be harmful to you and the baby. I think everyone has a selfish streak but I think this is a little nasty you should love a child whatever its sex!

Answer 3

maybe he meant it in the way that your 4 other kids aren't his and this baby would be his. the only thing that disturbs me about your story is .... well ... no offense ... how many babies doesn he expect you to pop out. 5 is enough. we don't live in our grandparents days.
Well what you need to think ... is he going to appreciate having a daughter? if you decide this is your last child ... will he respect you and your decision? Why is a boy so important? Boys and Girls equally give you a hard time as teenagers. are you ready to be with someone like this ... married?

Answer 4

Be careful. If this relationship were to turn sour I think you could expect him to see your son as his sole property. Does he have citizinship? You would hate to see him take off to Nigeria with the baby and leave you with no rights. How strong is your relationship? Sounds like you 2 are on a different wave length. In a relationship that is the one thing you should be in agreement about. If you get an ultrasound showing a girl he may request an abortion.

Answer 5

I think you'll both love the baby no matter whether it's a boy or girl.

What concerns me is the way you talk about keep trying for more kids although you already have 4 (well, nearly 5) - you have to think about caring for the ones you have, both physically and emotionally.

Answer 6

I agree, it sounds like a culture thing but it sounds like it could cause problems if you have a girl.He should be pleased whatever you have and it doesnt sound like he would be.I think you two really need to sit down and talk properly about this before the baby comes or you might find yourself in a mess.Good luck x

Answer 7

Steady hon! you are racing into another persons culture without thinking! I know your pregnant, but please stop and think of the long term consequences. Over there in Nigeria, the man is obeyed at all times! So be careful as to what your getting yourself into! Have a good day.

Answer 8

He is like this just now, but if you do have a little girl he will change his mind. I take it he is not a parent yet? All men think they want a boy to teach stuff to and have manly chats with!!

Good luck xx

Answer 9

Its a guy thing, my hubby still tells me our daughter is mine (unless she is sleeping) and our son is his (unless he needs something). Baby 3 is a boy so now he has 2 to potty train :).

Not that he will, but when Alexander wants something I "remind" daddy that he is HIS child.

Answer 10

does he have kids? maybe he wants a boy because of his culture in nigeria the boys are the men of the house and maybe he wants to know that if he wasnt around his boy would be there in place