WHY is swinging "gross"?

Question

A cheater creates a sexual triangle (or more) of multiple sex partners and he or she is called on their negative behaviour...as they should be...but bring up the notion of swinging - where all parties are consenting adults - and invariably someone calls it "gross". I don't get this. Why is sex outside of marriage considered "understandable" when a person is cheating, yet when they do the same thing consensually, and it's considered slimy and disgusting. And its not just the prospect of STDs. It's the idea of more than two people being present that somehow evokes this sense of disgust. And I don't understand it. Can you explain why sex with another person is "gross" when your own partner is present, but NOT gross if it's one on one or if it's cheating?

Answer 1

I see that nobody is answering the question you asked (although sunshinemee came pretty darn close), which is to answer why swinging is gross *compared* to cheating. The people saying swinging is gross because of the potential to contract a disease are raising a true point, but a point that's irrelevant to your question, because cheating carries just as much disease risk as swinging. A few people have hinted around why swinging seems to be considered to be worse, but nobody here has even really attempted a head-on explanation. So, I'll try.

This is a tough concept to get your mind around, but here's what I think it is: cheating is considered wrong by everyone, including those who are doing it. Cheaters aren't going around saying, "I chose this lifestyle because I like it, and the person I'm doing it with is a fellow consenting adult, so that means it's all right." No, cheaters are sneaking and ashamed, and wear the stigma of their misdeeds like badges of guilt. On the other hand, swingers, while hesitant to let just anybody know what they're doing, are not the least bit apologetic for what they're doing. They think they have a right to swing if all parties are in agreement.

In other words, cheaters tend to accept that they are running afoul of societal norms, and so society treats them like children who have misbehaved, but who know they have misbehaved: with leniency. Swingers do not care that they are running afoul of societal norms, so society treats them like unrepentant, willfully misbehaving children: with severity.

People are more accepting of people they perceive to be doing wrong who admit that they're doing wrong (cheaters) than people who don't admit that they're doing wrong (swingers).

(Of course, swingers would contend that a fair assessment of what they're doing would make it clear that what they're doing really is NOT wrong at all, but that's another whole subject!)

Later edit: After reading some of your blog on your 360, I have to ask -- you didn't really think you'd get anything approaching a thoughtful response here, did you?

Answer 2

Swingers act like they have found the secret to a happy marriage but what most refuse to openly admit online or anywhere is that it never works out because eventually one person wants to be normal again or one person screws someone on the side which some how offends someone else! If you are opening every intimate door with other people (which isn't all about sex but let's face it a big part) then eventually someone will either fall for someone else or lose respect for the one they say they love. Every swinger couple I have ever met got divorced due to one of these reasons. Is there the minority who lasts? Of course. Even today among half divorces, there are those who remain monogamous to their partner until they die. Swinging to me, is both people too scared to commit to self control but unfortunately it always catches up to you because it'll never be enough.

Answer 3

You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) by Dead or Alive LOL Some others include... Spin the Black Circle by Pearl Jam Spin Spin Spin by Jim Croce Spinout by Elvis Presley Spinning Wheel by Blood, Sweat, & Tears World Spins Madly On by The Weepies It Don't Mean a Thing (If It Ain't Got That Swing) by Duke Ellington Sultans of Swing by Dire Straits Strawberry Swing by Coldplay Wild Honey by U2 ("In the days, when we were swinging from trees...") Salome by U2 ("Won't you swing down low?") BA - No sticky stars, here. (I starred your question.) BA1 - I've seen Swingers. I haven't seen it in awhile, but from I remember, it's fun especially if you like swing music and dancing. The story is okay, but kind of sad. I haven't seen Spun. BA2 - It works well for some people, but it's not for everyone. I think it's ok as long as it's between consenting adults. What others decide do in their relationships should be up to them.

Answer 4

It's gross either way. Swingers aren't going to see it gross but maybe the chick they bring into the bedroom has a big nasty herpe on her crotch tell me that isn't gross. It is alot about std's. Those that are players either sleeping around on their partner or doing it in front of them are playing the game called pick a disease never know who has what these days and no condoms don't 100% protect against some std's and lots of people don't bother to even think about none of that and especially swingers because it's not gross it's a beautiful thing screwing multiple people give me a break.

Answer 5

They're both pretty damn bad

But swinging is worse in a way because if you both know about it, and condoning it, then you are saying that that's acceptable behaviour.

You can't "swing" behind someone's back, its consenual on both sides and you both want to do it.

Cheating is a betrayal

Swinging is... saying that cheating isn't wrong, and sex shouldn't be confined to one partner in life... which I think is a much more serious breach of marriage then cheating is.

Ie you could kill someone, or you could kill someone and morally it'd be okay.

Maybe a bit of an extreme example, but its just the idea that cheating can have a moral justification that gets me.

Answer 6

I think cheating is "gross" and I think "swinging" is gross! Why the F should you be married if you want to have relations with other people??? This open relationship B.S. is just that!
If you want to F whomever you want, DON'T GET MARRIED! You cannot change the meaning of the word marriage to suit your needs any more than you can change the word stop! There are some that consider sex outside of marriage unacceptable, STILL! No matter who is involved!!! You marry someone, you are with that one person for life! That is what marriage is! How it became acceptable to cheat, or have three ways is not a sign of the times, it's negligence! It's ineptitude at it's worst! We wonder why they call us infedels!!!

Answer 7

I think what "grosses" me out about swinging is that so many of the times it's people you know....friends, neighbors, whatever. My husband and I actually got a "swinging" request from friends of the family (and we are NOT into that at all) and I couldn't look at them the same after. I guess for me, if I wanted to have sex with other people, it wouldn't be right to be married or in a serious relationship because that's not what relationships are about.

And, like someone said in this thread...it's not how we in America are raised to be. Most people in America are super-religious (or at least they suddenly are when talking about this type of subject) and well, prudish. In other parts of the world this type of thing might be okay. But because it's so pervasive in our culture that it's not okay, it sets up relationships to fail when they do something like this.

Answer 8

Any sex act that is done with someone other than your spouse is considered to be an act of adultery and for the single person, an act of fornication. It is the abuse of ones own body by joining it with another who is not committed to a caring and responsible future of dealing with the physical and emotional consequences of the act of sexual intercourse. That is why it is "gross", disgusting and mindless and it makes no difference who is present or absent if there is a sexual union with anyone else except ones own husband or wife.

Answer 9

It's just an opinion. I think it boils down to what people are comfortable with. I think the subject of swinging makes many people uncomfortable and anything that strays outside of what society tells us is the appropriate way to act also makes people uncomfortable. It is also very based in people religious beliefs. If you have no moral and religious opinions against it and the other people don't as well it seems like it should be fine and who cares what others think. In some countries it's normal to have many wives. It just has to do with the way our society is set up.

Answer 10

Describing ANYTHING as gross implies an opinion. I love Corn Beef and Cabbage...but if you are disgusted by that you may call it gross.

Same goes for sex, for every 'accepted' sex act there are dozens that mainstream society considers unacceptable. I say that if all are consenting adults, have a good time and if someone thinks its gross.....well its none of there business.