How mentally healthy are you or how healthy is your family?

Question

I'm wondering whether or not people are clustered within groups of healthy or unhealthy people by either familial relation which may influence choices in friends who are also either healthy or unhealthy - or is society a mix randomly. It seems to me that everyone in my family has some sort of mental health issue or alcoholic/dependent features. I wonder if the choices I've made in my life are a reflection of my role models as I've realized I often place myself around unhealthy people. Not only do I see this in my family, but extended family and their friends and network etc. Or maybe this unhealthy behavior is peppered throughout society without a pattern. I'm wondering...any thoughts?

Very good answers, all of you. Thank you all so much for the feedback. It will be hard to choose a best answers. You are all winners in my opinion.

With appreciation,
Dana

Answer 1

Coming from a dysfunctional family myself. I can only tell you my own experience and observations. I made alot of poor choices in my teens and 20's partly from not having good role models and partly from two very domineering parents.As a result I married someone who wanted to control me. Maybe because that's all I knew? Sometimes even if it's bad it's what we're comfortable with. I don't mean to knock parents who did the best they knew how. Hey, we all have issues, but sometimes I think we are stuck in the same rut because we don't know how to get out of it. So, I believe bad behavior is 95% upbringing and how we are taught to cope with lifes issues. The rest is human nature, we all want things that are probably not good for us but we do have free will. when we make bad choices and fall down we need to get up and follow a different path. Most of the time it is not easy, because we want to do what is comfortable. It's like being beaten and taught to follow your whole life, and then being forced to go on stage and give a presentation on how to be a leader.That is a learned behavior and not something that comes easily. Good question! The world needs more people like you who care.

Answer 2

I believe that to some degree we all have "issues". We all have hang-ups and dependencies to varying degrees. It is in how well we cope with these things that mental health comes into play. Therefore it makes sense that it would seem to form in clusters. A person learns how to cope from watching their family members and those around them. Also keep in mind that some mental health / dependency issues are passed down in the family. Change is feared by most so people generally seek out others who are similar. To some degree these decisions are not even a conscious act but more of a sixth sense type of perception. I also think that we are just beginning to realize as a society how common "mental" problems are. It is more accepted now to talk about it... where as before it was sort of swept under the rug and kept quiet.

Answer 3

I am very healthy emotionally.

My son is just recovered from depression(long term).

My daughter gets the blues about average for a 16 year old.

We have taken in a troubled young mom and she is doing pretty good at our house so far. Her 4 year old needs a firmer hand and we are working on this with her.

I had depression when I was my kids age.

Read up on Cognitive therapy and I think that you will see that patterns of belief about life events and how people treat you can cause depression. So this can be a family thing. If a family has a lot of negative speech or are very critical of family members this can really contribute to poor cognition.

Answer 4

I don't think that there is any way to direct whom you will meet. You can't control wether the people you will meet on any given day in any given surrounding will be emotionally healthy or not. Not to mention the fact that even in the most controlled environment, the people that you would least expect to have problems are the ones who end up lopping off someones' head in a jealous rage or holding up a convenience store because of financial problems! You just can't ever tell what a person will do! People coming from the most dysfunctional families turn out to be extremely functional people of society simply because they do not want to follow in that path. You can't help who you work with, you can't help who your family is, and you can't help who you choose to be your friend turns out to be. It's not like people do backround checks on everyone they meet. Even if they did, that doesn't mean that person wouldn't snap under the right circumstances!
Life is a crapshoot. You are either in the right place at the right time or vice versa.

Answer 5

Its not unusual for people who have grown up in unhealthy or unstable households to seek out the same in their adult life, and surround themselves with unhealthy friends, etc. We all have a tendency to go towards what is familiar. If you grow up in a chaotic atmosphere, it can be difficult in adult life to find peace within yourself and your life unless you are really aware of this.
I grew up in utter chaos, with many relatives suffering from bipolar and schizophrenia. I myself have battled minor depression at times, but do not have any other mental illness. Once I got out of my parents house at 17, I sought counseling for years... and have gone back occasionally, to keep myself in check. It was important to me to make sure I did not have illness that went untreated, as I saw in my family, but also... I wanted a regular life. I knew a few people who had normal, regular lives and I wanted that badly. I knew that if I didnt try to undo some of the damage done to me I might be permanently messed up from my experiences growing up.I saw many of my friends who had similiar expereinces growing up lead very messed up adult lives. Some are home less, in jail, unemployed, or seriously mentally ill. I am thankful I was able to get help for myself, and change the path my life could have taken.