Another man pursuaded my wife that I was cheating on her when I was not. My wife decided it was time to seek affections from him to get even. After, a few months of being apart and having realized what she had done and that he had manipulated her she came back. I loved her with all my heart before, so much that I was willing to let her come back. But, now I have realized that I have no respect for her, I don't trust her, I'm not happy. The only things we have in common now are great sex and the kids. I gave our relationship all my energy and devotion for all these years I don't know how to do anything else. All my goals and dreams revolved around her. What do I do? I don't think I can stand being away from the kids. Now she wants to know all the time who I am talking with on the phone, email etc. I'm not doing anything wrong, but she acts like I'm a scoundrel. All I really want is what we used to have, is that possible? If not I want out............
2007-05-17 15:30:45 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry this has happened to you. I think you need to decide whether you have it in your heart to forgive her for this. It had to have hurt you really bad and sometimes it takes a while to get past things and sometimes there are things we just can't let go. But that is your decision. As for her acting all paranoid with you, that is just her guilty little conscience. She knows what she did to you so she thinks anybody is capable of it, its one form of payback you don't have to induce! You don't deserve to go through this the rest of your life and if you think the kids won't notice something is wrong if you stay just for them then you are only kidding yourself. Good Luck I know this cant be easy. Do whats best for you and your children.
2007-05-17 15:46:48 · answer #1 · answered by EllieMae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not possible to get back what you used to have, but the good news is - it is possible to get something else even better.
You already have a really good start - you are back together, and sex is great.
She is very insecure for some reason, wants to check on you all the time. Remember - cheating is an indication of other problems in marriage, not just a problem itself.
She is trying to act as if you're a scoundrel because she knows she's guilty. She's trying to "even the grounds", which makes no sence of course.
Think what constitutes "respect" and is there any way you can respect her again. What needs to happen in order for you to respect her again. Keep in mind that the past can't be un-done, it has to be something else. You are clearly looking for some signs that would tell you things will be fine again, but not finding them. Try to define what are they. Take it from there.
I said you will have something else, but better, because if you both grow from this experience you will love each other more than ever.
2007-05-17 22:58:09 · answer #2 · answered by Everybody's Favorite 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's sad because you probably need to leave. Respect and trust are key ingredients to a happy marriage. I don't think it's healthier for a child to live in a disfunctional household as opposed to having divorced parents. Try going to church together on a regular basis, get involved. Maybe you two will see clear when you remove the worldly crap out of the way.
How could she let someone persuade her HER HUSBAND is cheating? That's crazy. Why is she so insecure? You must be really handsome. She sounds immature.
She's giving me a headache. I know someone like her.
2007-05-17 23:04:40 · answer #3 · answered by Lady J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now she fears you could get even with her. What she did to you was awful, no question about it, and only because you loved her so much you were willing to forgive her, but forgetting only takes time.
You two could go to marriage counseling, could try new things, try to start all over but what's in your heart is going with you wherever you go and nobody knows yourself better than you to take a decision. Great sex you could find with somebody else, your kids are always going to be your kids. Only you know how much your heart was broken with her infidelity, Put your future in a balance, in one side if you forgive and try to forget, and on the other all the alternatives to a new love.
Our trust is a treasure, and when we get married we give it unconditionally to the other person. Once the other person brake it sometimes it's almost impossible to mend.
2007-05-17 22:50:34 · answer #4 · answered by Lulu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her man. Go on a walk in the park and tell her how you're feeling. If you keep everything bottled up things will definitely never get back to the way things used to be. Tell her that you're uncomfortable with the way she's acting toward you. Tell her that she needs to respect you and the marriage. Try open communication and if that still isn't working you could always try couple's therapy. Just do what feels right. Give the relationship everything it deserves. Do it for yourself, your wife and your children.
Good luck.
2007-05-17 22:37:19 · answer #5 · answered by YeahThatsRight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a licensed councilor NOW. Seek help to work your way thru this. We had trouble and sought help twice during our marriage. It worked both times.We are coming up on our 41st anniv. Don't take advice from this board. Get a qualified person to help you. Believe me, it is worth it. We are so glad we did. We had the same councilor both times and we send him an anniv card on our anniv.
2007-05-17 22:41:32 · answer #6 · answered by old beatnik 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is so guilty about what she did to you that she can't even see the forgivness in your heart. she is waiting for you to "pay " her back. if you are not happy tell her so. there is no need to live a lie.and continue to be there for your children.
2007-05-17 22:45:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's only possible if you both want it. Try counseling before throwing in the towel.
2007-05-17 22:37:16 · answer #8 · answered by RT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is probably tieing you to the same brush as her if there is no trust in a a marriage then get out you can still still see your kids
2007-05-18 07:03:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your comunication open with her, pray, prayer opens the door for God to work in our lives, if you seek God, you will find Him, and He will help you through anything......Jesus loves you
2007-05-17 22:51:04 · answer #10 · answered by Bert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋