Should I buy my Daughter a sex toy?

Question

I have a 12 year old daughter who is always getting in to my husband and my buisness. She found my sex toy that I use when my husband have sex. I caught her with it in her room. I wasn't really mad, I new she was just curious. She said she had been using it for about 4 days now. And she washes before and after she uses it. I haven't told my husband(I don't think I will.) If I hide it again I'm sure she'll just find it. Is there a way to buy a teen a sex toy? I don't see any harm in it. I don't want her to use mine, I don't want her to catch anything. Is their a way to possibly make our own?
By the way, she hasn't started her period and she already knows about sex and what not to do. She's looked porn up once, so I'm guessing she already knows about a sex toy.

Answer 1

When I was 12 I started masturbating using my fingers, about half a year before I got my first period, so to me it's normal. I've since read plenty of teen magazines and teenagers from about 12yo onwards stick all kinds of things up there as a "sex toy", some of which are fine, others which aren't (can break, get stuck, etc). This obviously can lead to very embarassing doctor's trips or worse. I could mention what I've used (never had problems, luckily), but I think you can use your own imagination.

Explain to her that even if she washes other people's sex toys, there's still a small risk of her getting an STD from them, so you'd like her to not get into the habit of using other people's, including your, sex toys. Then, ask her whether she wants her own. If she gives a positive response to that (she might be too shy to blatantly say "yes"), ask her whether she wants it to be that size or smaller, and hard or semi-hard. Like someone else said, it's safer than her fooling around with boys. Let her know that though you're cool with her using her own sex toy, that that doesn't mean you're cool with all sexual activities, that you still believe in "no sex before marriage" or w/e you think is appropriate wrt to that.

Edit: Hm... while I was typing my reply some other people wrote some stuff I want to reply to... I regularly masturbated from when I was 12.5yo using my fingers and a variety of other items and I didn't have real sex until three weeks before I turned 20 (with the person I'm married to now), I didn't get my first kiss until I was 17. So relax...

Answer 2

Well its a tough one, the liberal side of it is well she is obiously responsible and shows initiative and we all know that without a proper sex toy she would do 1 of 3 things either have real sex, keep stealing yours (which isnt healthy regardless of the situation) or use an object that may end up being dangerous. So the only logical thing is to buy her some aid (toy) so she doesent hurt herself or teach her methods that do not reqire an sex toy aid (if you can talk so openly about such a thing). Quite frankly that is a little outside the box but in your situation I would prob consider it.

The conservative side of this is to say its wrong and sick and to force your daughter to no masturbate at all, this is also wrong. Basically go with what you belive, there is almost no reall happy medium with this.

Answer 3

err hello!! If she's that curious there are other things you can stick up there !! I was about 12 or 13 when I started my periods and knew enough about sex...I was curious but scared enough to know I wasn't an adult yet to have sex..HOWEVER I was horny and wanted to explore so my barbies heads were perfect as was my electric tooth brush LOL Sorry if that's crude but its a fact! she will masturbate regardless...
she will explore whether you buy her one or not..I am sure I will get a lot of thumbs down for my answer but it's just my opinion!!
My mum was a teen mum and pounded it in to me that I should NOT be having a baby till at least 27 and that sex was for a mature teen/adult and that while there was nothing wrong with sex/masturbation there were real consequences for unprotected sex.. and sex too early
I would rather my teen explore now than go out and have a one night stand cos one day she was horny and curios..
Also sit down and talk with her...find out if she understands what it means..be open for discussion about her feelings and then decide what you want to do from there..
Good luck!

Answer 4

I find the responses to this question more than a little disturbing. Most of the responses that are compassionate toward an obviously-curious teenage girl about her own body are being poorly rated and thereby made invisible. As this one will be, I'm sure.

Let's be straight, Mom. You know your daughter, and you know how you were when you were 12. Put yourself in your daughter's place and imagine what would have been good for you. If your daughter is ready for this sort of thing (and many girls at age 12 are), then it's fine. If your daughter is not, then you have your answer. There is no absolute answer to this, and NO, she will not grow up to be a pervert by using a sex toy. And this opens up an often-very-uncomfortable situation to talk about with a teenage girl, no matter what your decision.

You might want to talk to her about sneaking around in your things, though.

Answer 5

Im having the same issue with my soon to be 15 year old daughter (Im her guardian) few years back she stole my moms sex toys than today i was looking for something in her room and found my roommates sex toy hidden behind her bed. shes going to continue to use others id rather her have her own to be safer!

Answer 6

Wow, what a tough subject. I would think that 12 yrs old is too young for a sex toy, but since she's ALREADY using it then I don't know... I would tell her to explore herself and then in a couple of years she can use one. I guess I don't see the harm either becuase it IS better than her going out and getting in bed w/ other people and risking pregnancy or STD's. But she just seems a too young for a sex toy. You do what you think you can/should/want to since it's your child. You don't want to make her into a sex-driven person though. Exploring sex is one thing but I think you get my point... Since she is so curious about sex now and kids are exploring their sexual sides much earlier and much deeper nowadays I would definately make sure you two are on the same page. Make sure she knows the physical and emotional side of it all (dating experiences, STD's, how to pick and choose, how to handle situations, pregnancy and what is appropriate for planning a family and preventing "surprises", modesty, privacy when it comes to sharing "stories" w/ other people, appropriate times to have sex... everything and every side) There isn't just "the talk" becuase these converstions should occur regularly through-out the next few years.

Answer 7

I would do it. You figure she is mature enough to discover what sex is and how babies are made etx.

Todays kids are getting more knowledgable at younger ages. I found my brother and sister at ages 6 and 8 with movies that they found in my x dads room. they just discovered it and didnt know bout what sex was etx but it is good to teach them young about babies and sex. not saying to preach to kids hey this is sex and not good for you now but just education.

Now you see kids that are 10years old who had sex and are pregnant. Yesterday I saw girls I knew that were in their Freshmen year pushing strollers cause they werent educated and dumb cause they dont use condoms or cant keep legs shut.

What is the hard in a 12 year old with a toy??? Nothing it does not have sperm, it dont have disease unless infected by a former user, and does not have feelings to break a persons heart. I would do it for the sake you and your daughter dont share toys and just explain to her how important it is with cleaning and using it. I wouldnt worry bout the husband, it is a girl thing- boys do it to but in their own way.

While your at the sex education talk to her about birth control to get her period coming along cause she seems a little late for her to still not have a period. I dont know how u go about bodily hair downstairs either but I would add that in the talk to.



BTY!!! Everyone that answered crudely is highly ignorant. Saying things to this wonderful confused mom seeking help and all some can say is "what the hell is wrong with you" and some with "o you got issues and so does your kid"

Your a good mom from what I hear and wish my mom was cool like you. I bet almost more than half of the people who have kids dont even know what their kids are doing. Bet they dont know if their kid is sleeping with some 18 year old. SO face it for those who are being ignorant to this poor women, every child basically is having sex younger and younger and yes the old 23 is now like 11 years old. Its every where-the tv the radio, late tv programs

It is your home, your rules and you seem fine with her doing it. Go buy her a toy before she decides to try the real thing. I would say though not to let her brag she got a toy to the friends though. Atleast she is not a 12 year old girl who is pregnant. I am sure atleast one of those who answered have a kid who was under 18 and pregnant, now that is pathetic.
Like I said before:
Toys dont have sperm
They dont go soft =)
easy to clean
Dont break a persons heart
If you dont share, you cant contract a disease,
NO BABIES FROM A TOY!!!

Answer 8

A 12 year old girl should be encouraged to find other thing to occupy her mind other then sex and giving pleasure to herself. I would say a strong no to purchasing a sex toy and a strong yes to MORE open and honest communication, perhaps even a book on the human anatomy but why would you even want to put her on that path to teen sex? Even for adults sexual relationships are complicated "toys" are bound to be a confusion for this child, whom by the way sounds as if she needs more supervision. You should definitely talk about this with your husband and your mother and your best friend and your preacher or pastor and any stranger because even to consider such a thing for a child is a little extreme.

Answer 9

hmmm...tough question here. i guess i would say that it is fine. as someone said, its a sexual generation. she's going to masturbate, and there's nothing you can or should do about that. even if you don't buy her one, she going to use something in the house as one sooner or later. i would do it, but you need to have a talk with her. i find that parents who are very open with their kids about sex often prevent their kids from having premarital sex. it may seem akward, and people here are going to oppose it, but honestly, what harm is it going to do to her? some girls say the toys are better than the real thing, anyway. i think that it will help her relieve the sexual tension thats soon going to come. if you talk with her and are open with her about it, she will probably know better and use it when she feels an urge then go and sleep with some guy. its not great to get her started so early, but its a little late now. i feel that buying her the toy, being open with her about this, and frequently talking with her may help her abstain through the tough teenage years.

Answer 10

so, here's my personal opinion:
children are curious and should be allowed to learn about their own bodies once they reach puberty (12+)
basically, shes too young for a dildo, (that's pushing limits, and i dont think you should really introduce her to stereotypes or um.... penetrative sex but i do believe that getting her a normal vibrator (hitachi wand, whatever) is perfectly fine.
she'll experiment anyway, so you just have to help her be safe and learn in her own time.
best of luck.