We fight about sex most of the time - is that normal?

Question

I've been married to him for 15 years and over the last few months he's started wanting to be more uhmmm... kinky to put it lightly....sometimes I'm not ok with it and we fight. He gets really mean and calls me names sometimes - I'm sick of it - but he says what he wants is normal....Maybe so but the fighting about it all the time makes me not want to have anything to do with it.... Any thoughts - please?

Thanks for all of your input - Here are a few more details....I have tried "it" with him - most of what he wants....when the kids are gone or once we went away for a night...but in the middle of the day, while the kids are home...I wasn't comfortable with all of it - and then the fighting begins - loudly with the kids home....and the name calling. It was humiliating and hurtful and I can't deal with it anymore.

Answer 1

No one needs do anything they feel uncomfortable with. If he's unable to respect your wishes, he obviously has no respect for you. You have a perfect right to your own feelings, as well as your own body. NO ONE is a slave to another....
No matter the category. Furthermore, if he's unable to treat you as a loving partner, no need to continue to fight over it...
Show him how the exit door swings. ;)

Answer 2

Being kinky is OK, it spices things up, but you both need to talk about the boundaries before you try the kinky stuff. You have every right to say no and he should respect your decision.
Seems like you are ok with trying some kinky stuff and not so ok with some, so in that case I think talking about it and setting boundaries beforehand will help with the expectation hence resulting in less fighting. I mean he will still try to push the envelope, but he also need to know when to back down and these boundaries should help. One thing you can do is tell him you will try it once and if you don't like it you wont do it again. That at least gives him one chance and give you the chance to say I tried it and did not like it. good luck

Answer 3

It is normal for him to want more. Be happy girl, after 15 years his desire for you is still there, maybe more.. i am going through the same thing, without the fights.
Let him know women are not like men, we need time and TLC, we need romance. You could start by agreeing to have "dates" with him. That will help you think about him all day. Make yourself pretty and ready. Don't do too much housework so you are not tired. Do other things together, a hobby, games, a favorite show and think more and more about the things you love about him during the day. That will put you in the mood.
But nicely let him know what you need to be in the mood. I am sure he will help, gladly!!!

Good luck!

Answer 4

Tell him marriage is for both of you. Then try and talk openly about what he wants and what you want - and don't want. This might do the trick - cos you need to get talking and trusting each other (again?).

If you don't then make sure you've got friends nearby and strong guys (relatives maybe, or friends of friends) on hand, cos he'll end up trying to beat you into submission. Be ready to run, and take the kids with you.

Hope that's not what happens and you can solve it in a good way. Good luck!

Answer 5

If both partners are not comfortable with it then that is that. Calling you names is wrong and telling you what he wants is normal is wrong as well. What is good for one person isn't good for the next. My guess is that he is watching too much pornography and now wants to do some of those things which are humiliating to women for the most part. But, in the movies, they look like they enjoy being treated like crap.

Stand your ground. You are normal - perhaps he's the one with the problem - sounds that way to me.

Answer 6

While it may be "normal" for him to have whatever thoughts or fantasies he wants, tell him it's NOT normal to expect you to have the exact same fantasies or to demand that you participate in anything with which you are not comfortable.

Lay down the law -- tell him the rules. While I think it would be cool of you to try to be open to some of his ideas (well within reason!!) if there are things you don't want to do, you are under no obligation to do them. If he loves you, after 15 years together he needs to be more understanding. Calling you names and getting angry is just unacceptable.

Good luck!

Answer 7

To a certain degree, as his partner, you should, in theory, be willing to consider some of his desires. However, by the same token, he should be willing to consider how his requests make you feel.

Too often, couples who have been wed for so long forget that they are actually partners, that is two seperate people and not just one single entity. I would suggest that you look into counseling for the two of you.

Answer 8

You both sit down and get to the heart of the matter.

Why does he feel the need to get "kinky" with you? Is it for your mutual pleasure, or does he feel that doing the "Boston Crab" makes him more of a man.

Fighting about sex is normal, but there has to be compromise. The name calling is bothersome to me.

Answer 9

Well here are my thought on this.. I would say that he is not respecting you as his wife or as a women that is good at all. You need to tell him is he wants a whore then to go hire one because, you are not about to become one after all this time. Period! thanks and hope this helps out some . God Bless you also!

Answer 10

Just give in!!! WHAT is the problem with some ladies. IF it takes 15 minutes a day that is only .010416666 of your day! Is he not worth it?