Okay... so my best friend of five years... and I have dated him on and off throughout that time... asked me to marry him two nights ago... We are not currently dating... and the only reason it didnt work out before was because of his crazy ex... but my question is he is going into the army... and leaves june 26th for basic... does it sound like he just wants to get married so that he has someone when he goes into the military... he wanted to get married in two months and I told him that I need to wait a year... I am 18 and I graduate on sunday... and he just turned 21... he asked me to marry him on his birthday... and I do love him... but I am sooo scared that this is just a rash decision that he would not have made otherwise... and I dont want to be divorced in a year...
2007-05-17 07:44:30 · 18 answers · asked by Crash Wendy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have a gut feeling for a reason, go with it. Yes this is a ridiculous idea. If you truly loved him, then you wouldn't have any doubt like this. He sounds scared and wants something to hold onto while he's gone. He should of thought of that before he enlisted.
2007-05-17 07:48:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Please take my advise. I have been giving advise on love and marriage for many years now and your situation comes up often.
DO NOT GET MARRIED! If you do, I already know your future. You will get a divorce and most likely when your a single mother.
Do not even think about it, because not only does he want to get married for all the wrong reasons, but also because your ONLY 18 years old! You are still a teenager. You still have so much to do, before you make any commitment to spend the rest of your life, TILL DEATH DO YOU PART with some guy that you think might be using you to go into the military! Please say your kidding.
So your graduating on Sunday? Excellent, because now is the time to enjoy the most wonderful times in your life! Don't even think about becoming trapped in some marriage, even if you think your in love. You will eventually find out that you were not in love, because you still have a long way to go to meet the man of your dreams. Mr. RIght is still far away, but when he comes you will be so sure as to what you want in your life and so ready to make a commitment. You should then be in your late 20's, early 30's and you should be enjoying life with him for 3 to 5 years, because you have to know each other inside and out, before marriage. If you respect love and marriage like that, you will have the best life.
So many people have thanked me for this advise. Good Luck
2007-05-17 08:39:35 · answer #2 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was going to express mixed feelings. I got lucky when I met my wife, although I was 3 years older than you, and I thought maybe you got lucky too. Sure, you're young, but you seem so sincere. Then I read your previous question, and now my opinion is clear and onesided: don't marry this guy! In your other question you stated a very big red flag: "My boyfriend and I wont stop fighting, It seems like the more we try to let little things go the more we fight . . . it is the most frustrating thing in the world." Fighting like this is not the hallmark of a happily married couple; it is a harbinger of misery! Don't get married now, and don't get married ever to this guy unless you two learn how to communicate, disagree, and come to compromises, without stress and without fighting. A wedding will not cure the fighting -- only hard work and two people each dedicated to personal growth will accomplish that.
2007-05-17 08:41:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I didn't get married until I was 31. Best decision I ever made. I had fun in my early twenties. Started getting serious about work in my late twenties. By the time we got married we both had good jobs and knew what we wanted in a marriage.
Today we have two kids, two new cars, a big house, and a really good life.
If your asking the question your not ready!
2007-05-17 07:57:16 · answer #4 · answered by kansas_jay_hawks 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should marry him. You say you love him and it sounds like he loves you. Why do you think the reason he wants to marry you is to have someone when he goes into the military? What reason would he have for that? You should ask yourself those questions. It should guide your mind to whether or not to marry him. Its really your decision and no-one else's. You entire life will be changed if you do this, so you should decide. You are a very lucky woman to have a man who wants to marry you.
GOOD LUCK!!!
Btw. you're 18 and about to graduate.....from high school? He's 21 now...you were dating an adult? No pressure.
2007-05-17 08:00:06 · answer #5 · answered by MizzQ-T 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He might be scared. after basic he will go to Iraq. There is no question about that. He might want to have someone there to support him through basic and a deployment or maybe he knows about the money you get when your married in the military and "seperated" (stationed more than 50 miles from your spouse) You make the decision. You know him better than we do.
2007-05-17 07:50:08 · answer #6 · answered by Worried wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you need time. Tell him the you love him and you do want to be with him, but you are young and wantto make sure you are making the right decision.
then wait till he comes back from basic, if then he still wants to get married and you do to move forward with it.
Be careful, although in our society it's not, marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment. Don't make a decision now that you might regret later.
2007-05-17 07:50:16 · answer #7 · answered by Therious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is, WAIT!
You do not want to be tied up with someone totally unavailable for a number of years. It makes no sense.
If it is meant to be it will happen when he is free.
There is one unavoidable truth. Neither of you will be the same person in three years and being apart for whatever
reason will not allow you to mature together. You could end up moving in different directions.
There is a reason why "long distance relationship" is an oxymoron.
2007-05-17 08:03:29 · answer #8 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it! If you LOVE him, wait, take your time, DATE! You don't have to end it just because you are not ready. Let him know you have every intention of marrying him, just not in the near future. You already sound like you knew the answer to your own question.
2007-05-17 07:48:32 · answer #9 · answered by jess1barney 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Military men have to have someone to hold on too..I know alot of people from h.s. that just before they left to the military got married and they seem somewhat happy..
2007-05-17 07:51:22 · answer #10 · answered by ERICKSMAMA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋