If you WANTTO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX H or W, aren't you the one who left?

Question

How can you be friends with someone who cheated on you and left you and your kids? A friend is someone that you can trust and have faith in. Some other male poster once said, "You must not be divorced. Divorced people are enemies." LOL!

Answer 1

I dont know about you but this saying just stick up with me...
"friends can become lovers... but lovers to friends? NEVER!"

Answer 2

The spouse that wanted out of the marriage for what ever reason is the one that always thinks that they can be friends. They don't want to admit they were the major cause.
Most divorce are because of the word friendship. The spouse has only got a friend---one with benefits.
Once you have been cheated on and lied too by a person, being their friend is impossible. You can forgive someone , but you never forget and you never ever trust. What is friendship---trust and caring. When you divorce you have neither for that spouse. You try to be civil for the children's sake, but sometimes that is not possible. Because a cat does not change their strips just because you divorced the devil cat.

Answer 3

I've personally not experienced this. But I have friends who have remained great friends with their ex husbands. Most of my friends still loved their husbands when they got divorced. Once my friend told me that if her and her husband could get along as much as they loved eachother they'd still be together today. They were passionate with their love for eachother, but that was it. They fought about spilled milk daily. They couldn't agree to disagree. But they loved and they tried. She says they decided to break it off so they wouldn't hate eachother. So they could remain friends for the kids. Her parents divorced at a young age and couldn't stand eachother. She had to have 2 graduation parties so they didn't have to be around eachother. She recognizes how her parents hatred for eachother affected her as a child in which she refuses to push those feelings on her children. I am proud of her, being able to make such a smart mature decision for herself and her children. Her husband never cheated on her so that really makes a difference. It just amazes how well they get along now that they are divorced. But I do agree with you. A cheating spouse destroys everything that was built together. The foundation of the relationship being pulled right from under your feet. But I guess there are marriages that have weathered the storm. I often wonder if the cheaters really changed or if the other spouse is just too weak and scorned.

Answer 4

I wasn't the one who left. My husband of 16 years, father to two beauiful children, came to me and said he'd fallen for a co-worker and wanted a divorce. After the initial anger and grief of shattered dreams, I realized that I had married him for love and I would let him go for the same reason. We are still friends. We always will be. I don't understand the concept of hating the other person.

Answer 5

My Husband n I have been divorced and got along better then as friends then we do married. we even remarried crazy I know...3 Kids is the reason we tried again, you forgive and go forward with them, heart pain is hard to get over but, if you are not starring them in the face everyday as a husband or wife no chance they can do it again, makes it easier to forgive them. I believe it also depends on your heart. Are you forgiving? It is better to be friends when kids are involved.Just depends on the person.
I just accept that I gave my all we weren't good as a couple but great as parents n friends.
~Angel~

Answer 6

Although it is hard to become "friends" with an ex husband or wife, the main thing to have is RESPECT for each other if you have children together. It saddens me that parents talk bad about each other in front of the children, or use the children as objects of revenge. My ex-wife left me for another man, and it was very difficult. She is very happy, and her current husband is very good to her and our daughter. My daughter thinks the world of him as well. I still would like to crush his head with the back tire of my car, but it could be worse. He could be a bad guy that is mean to both of them. I am kidding about the head crushing thing...sort of :)

Answer 7

i was in that situation before. it would actually work in your favor to stay 'friends' w/ him. if u really can't stand him u can always fake it like i did. i did it for the sake of the kids. if you guys are enemies then the kids just get stuck in between. plus since or if u share kids together..ur stuck w/ him forever...so either u want that forever to be a pain in the *** or make it easy on yourself and just be friends. it doesn't have to be 'close' friends..just a peaceful relationship at that.

Answer 8

I'm still very close with my ex of 8 years....we talk several times a week so it is possible but also depends on the people and their cicumstances. He did cheat on me and lied....it's taken a couple of years but we've been able to become really close....maybe we just couldn't cut it in a relationship.

Answer 9

Debra, great question. I am currently struggling with this situation everyday with my "soon-to-be" ex-wife who is still wrapped up in her emotional affair. I have decided to be the better, stronger person though. I want her to realize what a mistake she is making. Also, I want to make this situation as painless as possible for our two kids who are being dragged into something they do not want.

Answer 10

Leave him or her alone.
Move on.
Be civil, and polite, and never say anything negative about them so your kids hear you. They are half HIM! It hurts them badly.
Do not be friends. Friends can be trusted. You left because he or she betrayed you. He is no longer trustworthy.
You can't need friends that badly. Get new friends.

Answer 11

You don't have to be FRIENDS, but you need to communicate in a cordial manner for your kids' sake. I actually wouldn't recommend being friends because that could cause problems for with your future gf's or bf's.