The ex of the man I am seeing has come to my house three times. He wasn't here. First it was because she wanted me to tell him that she needed the kids' coats. Then she wanted to tell him that his mother was coming by for some stuff that he had. Then she didn't say, she just said that she was trying to find him to talk about something related to school for their kids.
My lawyer tried to get a restraining order but he said that the judge did not find any threatening behavior.
What should I do?
2007-05-17 06:28:43 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We don't live together.
2007-05-17 06:34:37 · update #1
This is actually good since you must understand that she is part of him. Since they have children together, this will continue through graduations, weddings, deaths, vacations, etc so either get used to it or move on. I think you are not accepting reality. Be gracious to her. That will show you are a superior person
2007-05-17 06:32:40 · answer #1 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's what I would do. If she shows up at your door, and you are the only one there, don't answer it. She doesn't need to talk to you about things going on between your husband their kids, you know what I mean? He'll discuss things with you later. If you find she starts yelling or banging on the door, that's when you call the police; 911. That way that can pose as threatning behavior AND it starts a paper trail. If she doesn't think anyone's home, that should solve that. If you bump into her in public and she asks, simply state "it's not my business" and move on. She'll either get or not, if she doesn't then treat her the way she acts. Make sure you document things so it's not a "he said/she said" type of thing. That gives you an edge along with proof if something happens or it continues.
2007-05-17 13:37:45 · answer #2 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK - you need to speak to him about this. Explain that her prescnce at your house - especially when he is not there - is unaccpetable.
The judge is right - she's not threatening you - it's just a bit weird that in this modern age - she cannot find him on his turf or by phone.
I would reccomend that the next time she shows up - ask her if there's another reaosn for her visiting you? Be genuine & ask her to explain - you'll obviously have to take the hgiher road here, but since it's so strange - you may just get the answer you seek.
2007-05-17 13:41:25 · answer #3 · answered by martiek7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him to tell her that if she is looking for him to call and you will gladly tell her if he is there or not, but not to just show up anymore or she may find a rabid pit bull or rottweiler attached to her ***. (jk). Seriously tell him to tell her that your house is off limits (as long as he doesn't live there) and if she doesn't respect that she will be arrested for trespassing.
If he lives there, there's not too much you can do except not answer the door when she pops by and he's not there. Which I would do regardless of whether or not he lives there. If she starts banging on the door or anything like that call 911 and have her escorted off the property.
2007-05-17 13:33:50 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Discus this with your boyfriend and tell him to handle this.
The ex clearly is jealous of you and the life that the two of you are making, so he has to handle this.
Another note. If you continue to see this guy , keep the police out of this because it will cause her to retaliate which usually mean she will keep the kids from him.
This would not be fair to the kids or to your boyfriend and could end your relationship with him because he will blame you as much as the ex for not being able to see his kids
2007-05-17 13:37:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you said about the ex is threatening. She is not to blame. The guy must have given her your address. It only serves to tell you his baggage and what is layhing ahead for YOU. You are burying your head in the sand trying to blame the ex while ignoring the real problem is the guy you are dating. He shirks his reponsibilities as a father and doesn't care how he offloads his problems.
2007-05-17 13:35:42 · answer #6 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her if he's paying child support the next time. If he is, tell her to please not come by your house. He doesn't live there. If he isn't (that could be why she's trying to find him), give her HIS address and ask her to leave you alone. If you are with a guy who hasn't given his ex his address, he is hiding. If he isn't paying child support to his children, this is not a man you should ever want to be with. He shirks his responsibilities. Check this out.
2007-05-17 13:41:24 · answer #7 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he lives with you and has kids with someone else and not threatening you WHAT is the problem? Would you prefer your boyfriend go to her home? he has to deal with her and if you can't deal with that...you need to reconsider the relationship. Have him tell her when its appropriate to come by if its really a problem.
2007-05-17 13:33:09 · answer #8 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Ex is the mother of his kids. You're going to have to put up with her in some way.
2007-05-17 13:33:24 · answer #9 · answered by the anomaly23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off try to chill a bit. They will always have their children in common, and family ties no matter what. You need to have enough self confidence to be able to communicate with this person as an adult. If you love him, and love his children then learn to deal with her. She in turn will learn to accept you and her changed status in her ex's life....do not let this change who YOU are.
2007-05-17 13:43:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋