My byf of 7 mo. decided to get an apt. w/ his son for a yr. in order to take it slow & help his son +several other reasons. I was not happy, but took the low road as I know that we have a future together & didn't want to push an uncomfortable situation. So ok - were taking our time - problem is he does not stop talking about our future & how we'll be & what our wedding will be like & I love that he's so excited about it - but if he's this excited - why didn't he decide to live together? How do I ask him this without him feeling as though I am preasurring him to change his mind, make him think I being resentful or ??? He complains about the apt & his son not being responsible for what he agree'd to - yet he knew this going into it & I cannot understand? He's NOT using me or visa versa - but what finally gives before a man jsut sucks it up and decides to move forward? I know his ex really burned him - but I cannot compete with a "what may have been"? Is that whats happening here?
2007-05-17 06:22:14 · 7 answers · asked by martiek7 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's possible he feels he can justify living together more to his son if you both are married (so it's "official"). However, if he is all talk and no action, you might want to gently focus him on other things. And yes, at some point, you may want to reconsider the relationship.
2007-05-17 06:26:40 · answer #1 · answered by sci55 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have only known this man for 7 months. He has a son living with him. Lots of people do not live together before marriage, you know. It used to be that nobody lived together before marriage, actually. It's only been in the last 15 years that it's become more or less socially acceptable. But many churches still frown on the idea. This man is still on the "rebound". Tell him that he has a son and you aren't ready to be a family of three yet. You haven't even been dating a year! Ask him not to talk about marriage again until you are both sure this three-some will work.
2007-05-17 06:29:51 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I kind of had that issue with my ex, we were together for 2.5 years and he had no problem talking about marriage and when I get pregnant and how we were soul mates and blah blah blah....
Well at the time he was renting rooms from a friend (he has a son) and his roomate was very inconsiderate. Also my ex traveled A LOT for work.
So I brought up living together at my house (I own) and he said he was not ready. Well I took a mental step back and started watching his ACTIONS as opposed to WORDS....
.....we were kaput within six months.
Good luck, I know it sucks being last on the totem pole.
2007-05-17 06:28:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it is rude to answer a question with another question, but in this case you really need to ask yourself; if this is what YOU want in a relationship? Do you want to always have questions and be second guessing yourself because you don't feel comfortable asking or telling him what is on your mind?
It really seems you are using his last relationship as an excuse rather than him, the past is gone leave it there, don't give him an excuse to not move on, if he cant seem to grow up and move along, maybe it is time you think about moving on and stop wasting each others time.
Trust me in the long run you might hurt his feelings but you will have peace of mind, and move on knowing that you were truth full in your relationship.
2007-05-17 06:39:27 · answer #4 · answered by sexychia35 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
After reading your story a few times, it is obvious he is scared to death. Just live day by day and give him a break. He is scared to not have it work out and yet he is trying to be a supportive father to his son. God knows we need more fathers like that in this world. So just relax. He wants to be with you but just give it time. Have fun together and build memories for now. Good luck.
2007-05-17 06:27:44 · answer #5 · answered by MOM OF ONE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop trying. Let him be. He has a huge job taking care of his son who has already suffered enough with the divorce. He needs to concentrate on that. You need to stop being frustrated and find someone who is ready for you . You deserve it.
2007-05-17 06:41:21 · answer #6 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
face it -- it was a necessity for him to take care of his son before you...his feelings for you have not change and from what you have stated he talks about marriage NOT LIVING TOGETHER PRIOR TO MARRIAGE...there is a difference..
Perhaps you have misunderstood the situation...
2007-05-17 06:48:16 · answer #7 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
his ex burned him. do you get that? be happy that he wants you in his life at all. i wouldn't. he talks about marriage, just wait it out. let him make the moves or you will lose him for sure.
2007-05-17 06:29:27 · answer #8 · answered by richie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋