My husband and I are separated. He moved out and changed his cell number. We have been together over 15 years, married twelve. I really feel like we need to atleast have some conversation. I tryed calling him at work but he didn't return my call. I'm not going to continue to call his job. I guess that I really wanted to have a talk before I file for a divorce. Make sure it is really what we both want. However, I'm not going to chase after him for this conversation. There isn't anyone else in my life and I feel quilty because I'm the one who asked him to leave. The entire problem was no communication. I really don't know what to do. If we are not going to reconcile, I want to move on. I am still relatively young and don't have children at home anymore. I want some closure............
2007-05-17 05:44:53 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You HAVE closure, hon, he's gone, and he has cut all communication with you is your clue... He's moved on, probably with another lady. Find a nice guy... there are tons out there.
2007-05-17 05:49:07 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes closure is so important I agree, I feel for you very much as I have had similar situations. communication is such a big deal for some men, or rather their lack of it, it dose seem that after all that time together it would be good to have 'that final talk' but maybe you should just leave it for a while, you are both hurting, there are bound to be a lot of emotions running high at the moment, this is probably why he isn't returning your calls, etc. you both need time to really think about what's gone on. give it some time, wait to see if he contacts you, maybe you might even try to contact him again, if this doesn't pan out move on like you said. Life is too short, you need to be happy.
2007-05-17 12:56:50 · answer #2 · answered by chasey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got what you ask for him to move out and move on.
If he want to reconcil he would be contacting you. You wanted this you were the one that thought there was a communication problem. You told him to move out. So live with your decision. You want closure . Then file for the divorce and move on. You wanted him to talk with you after you threw him out. You said he would not talk to you before. I don't understand how you thought throwing someone out would make them want to communicate more. When you file for the divorce your lawyers will talk. You and your soon to be ex will probably never say anything to each other. I know , I did not talk with my ex . The lawyers talked back and forth. I had been married 37 years and my ex was having an affair with my youngest sister. You would think that the courts would mandate that counciling and the both of you have to talk to each other for at least a few months to try and save marriages, but they don't The no fault divorces make it so marriages can be thrown away like you change underwear.
Next, time ask to get in counciling, before you throw someone out the door.
2007-05-17 12:55:14 · answer #3 · answered by springer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You stop looking back.
The way to move forward is: You stop looking back and you look forward. If you keeping looking back, you'll wreck yourself. So you look forward and you move in that direction one moment at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time, and so forth.
You say that the entire problem was no communication. And now that you are separated, he's changed his cell number and you called him at work and he didn't return your call. Sounds like more of the same, no communication. Sadly, his actions do communicate. His actions communicate that he does not want to communicate with you, still.
You don't want to be with him. Not who he really is. You want to be with the person that you want him to be.
2007-05-17 13:22:19 · answer #4 · answered by Worker Bee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless your heart , I too ask my husband to leave because of a similar situation and he did.I was lost the minute he left, but one thing he kept saying was "you told me to leave" you feel like you have tried everything on earth to make them see there is a problem and the only thing left is to say listen or leave. I ended up asking him to come home the day he left. He told me that if I had given him more time he would have been more understanding but by asking him to come back so soon it just made our problems seem like no big deal.
So I guess my advice would be give him a little time to think about why you asked him to leave, he's mad right now but eventually will see communications is the only way back home.
Best wishes to both :)
2007-05-17 12:59:48 · answer #5 · answered by Darcher 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If communication was the problem while you were together, then his lack of it now should come as no surprise. You've been trying to have this conversation for years and he doesn't want it. That is your closure. You asked him to leave and now you need to move on.
2007-05-17 13:30:14 · answer #6 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say in this case, even though you made the decision to divorce, which is fine, he's obviously moved on and changed things to help him do the same. Sometimes we don't get closure in things that have happened and we have to live with that. In this case, you're going to have to learn to move on and deal with the fact you won't get closure. I've been through the same thing, but it's taught me to always get closure though. Some lessons are harder to learn than others =( but you will.
2007-05-17 13:18:50 · answer #7 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did you think would happened by you telling him to leave? Does he know how you feel now? To love is to let go, to let go is to self dignify & learn to love yourself. You need to start to build a love of your own within. Letting go is never an easy task. You can't take back love but you can always love your self knowing you have loved regardless of being loved in return. So to answer your ?. PRAYER. That's what got me through. Be sincere, He will hear. Love is hard. Life is hard. But time heals pain, & things will work out for you. The bad news is we don't always get what we want. The good news is, we always get what we NEED. Good luck to ya.
2007-05-17 13:03:15 · answer #8 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, ... let me see if I read you correctly. You asked the man to leave and you call him to talk? Could it be that he is just mad and even maybe hurt. And on the other hand he could just be playing you. you may have fell for exactly what he wanted you to do. He changed his number and wont return your call. Um.....let me see. Well ok, this is what you do.....
1. stop calling him (let him call you)
1.5 Men love to know that they have that control DONT GIVE IT TO HIM
2. go out with friends
3. don't file for the divorce, let him do it
5. get a new style, like cut your hair, new outfit.
Start having fun, especially if you know that you have been good to him. This could be the break that you been waiting for. Enjoy it.
2007-05-17 13:02:16 · answer #9 · answered by U don't say 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my goodness, wake up and see that he has decided not to take your phone calls. You asked him to leave and he did and now you want to talk to him to see if you two are going to reconcile. What makes you think if he returned the communication was going to get any better. Perhaps, and I only say perhaps, he was looking for a way out by not communicating with you.
Just move on ....
2007-05-17 12:55:14 · answer #10 · answered by Patty G 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Been there, done that, except I did not ask him back. After he had time to miss me, we talked and worked things out. Focus on yourself right now. In a relationship, we all have things that we do that our mates do not like. Think about what you could have done differently, spend some time with yourself and LOVE you self, because if he does not come around, you have to be with YOU.
2007-05-17 13:34:28 · answer #11 · answered by Ms Kay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋