We have been having problems for about 6-8 mos. now. Part of the problem is our neighbors (HIS PARENTS). We have no privacy and my husband does not see any problem with this. The other part of the problem is that we rarely make love anymore if I am lucky I will get a quickie before he goes to work in the early morning( not very satisfying). My husband is always too tired to do anything. I have repeatedly asked him to go to counseling with me and he says that he does not think that we have a problem. I have recently told him that I want a seperation, but since I can't afford to move out anywhere I sleep on the couch and there is no more sex. I have since been flirting with a male friend of mine and now I can't ssem to get him out of my head. How long should I be seperated before I hook up with another man?
2007-05-17 05:34:11 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All that blaming him is just for you to justify wanting someone else. Couples often get stuck in the rut of daily life. What you say you lack is common but not "deal breaker" as in affairs. You are one of those women who would rather destroy things for some vague emotional needs.
Some man will be more than happy to take advantage of you for free rides.
2007-05-17 05:41:57 · answer #1 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, No, No......you can't just "go for it"!!!!
You are a married woman and until you are legally divorced you shouldn't even consider "hooking up" with another man!!!
You have been married for 16 years, having problems for 8 months!! Do the math!! You can work through this with your husband!! Get your butt back in the bedroom and get into some marriage counceling!!!!!!!! Are you seriously gonna give up so easily after such a long time?
You are lonely right now....you are thinking that this other man will be the answer to your prayers......you probably need to get laid really badly - lol, I've been there! But...the fantasy is way better than the reality!!!! Handle your issues at home first. If divorce is ultimately what you decide, then settle it before you get involved elsewhere. If you don't, you will regret it!!!!
2007-05-17 05:46:00 · answer #2 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, marriages have ups and downs. You've ONLY been having problems for 8 months? I had problems for ten years before I finally gave up on my ex.
He may be depressed. This would affect his levels of energy, as well as his sexual desire. Instead of focusing on separation you should be telling your husband that you are commited to him no matter what.
This poor man can feel that you think he's not worth anything. Begin treating him better and things will improve. I'm not saying you're treating him poorly now, but it sounds to me that you're full of resentment. I am only assuming he picks up on that. Start doing small things for him like you used to early in the marriage. Plan every other weekend away, let the kids go next door to his parents. If you don't have money for a hotel, go camping or something.
It seems to me that people walk away from marriage much too quickly.
2007-05-17 05:47:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The biggest problem here is that: Hubby thinks there IS no problem. Your move onto the couch should have waken him up to the fact that there IS but men can be very stupid. Trust me, I know, mine is the same way. He will see that there is a problem only when you f*** his world all up. The importantant thing to remember here is: f*** up his world. NOT YOURS. Getting with another guy would make you look like a wh*** to everyone( him, his parents, etc.) and get you absolutely NOWHERE. In other words, it is YOUR world that would be messed up too. The smart thing to do is to go to counseling ALONE. This disarms and f****s him up because you are taking responsibility for yourself and he cant control the relationship anymore by being so distant and emotionally unavailable. ( remember you wanted counseling and he didnt). So go alone and get professional advice on how to live with him as he is, change the situation for the better or be properly equiped to end the marriage. Do not just blindly end it (or not end it )and get with another guy. good luck.
2007-05-17 06:19:22 · answer #4 · answered by undone 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sorry to hear about your failing marriage.
sometimes our feelings change... as we age, we also change... that is just the way life is!
i tihnk that, even if your husband does not wish to participate in therapy, YOU can still do that for yourself. i've been in therapy off and on for years, and believe me, when you work it, it does work... you just have to be willing to be honest and make the effort and do the work to receive the guidance and help a therapist has to offer.
as far as getting into another relationship right away -- think about it -- you are wanting to FEEL loved, recognized, appreciated and to get some affection right now.. so jumping from a marriage into another relationship would probably be a rebound thing -- rebounds don't usually work out.
just another reason to try therapy... a good therapist will help you with this issue, too, hon.
what i do believe is that, if you and your husband separate or divorce, you will need to take time for YOU.. to adjust and to heal... you have been through quite a lot in your marriage, and when it comes down to it... it's impossible to grieve, adjust and move forward when there is another man in the picture all of the sudden. do you really have anything to give to someone else right now? i dont' thnk anyone in your situation truly does... if we are truthful with ourselves, we will realize we do need time.
of course, you still need your family, friends and to socialize. can't sit around moping -- get back into life. join a gym, take up a hobby and keep yourself occupied. realize your self worth and what YOU can do for yourself...
i dont' think casual dating would be harmful, but getting serious about someone else, when you don't have that much to give right now, isn't really being "fair" to you or a guy.
take care of YOU. you deserve good things. hugs
2007-05-17 05:47:28 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cant give you a straight answer. I know when I left my ex I went straight to my friend. We have been together now for 6 months and it is heaven . I can say that the ex was abusive mentally and physically and now the man I am with does not do things like that.
2007-05-17 06:52:16 · answer #6 · answered by lz_adam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
QUOTE:
I have since been flirting with a male friend of mine
ENDQUOTE
That is the real problem, hon. If you wanted your marriage to work you would go away with your husband for a weekend or something. WE ARE NOT BUYING IT!
2007-05-17 05:53:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably should be divorced before you start "relations" with other men. If you start scratching your itch while co-habitating and still living in the same house you're bound to only experience grief and problems from both him and his parents.
Ask him for a quick divorce and see how it goes.
2007-05-17 05:49:33 · answer #8 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should get counselling and work on saving your marriage. Be better if he'd go with you, but if he doesn't, you go by yourself.
Make sure he knows that you're going to a counsellor, and he will have to admit that there is a problem.
2007-05-17 05:46:36 · answer #9 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are already cheating on your husband by flirting with this other man. You might as well get out of the marriage before you do something you will regret ... as in "adultry."
2007-05-17 05:39:56 · answer #10 · answered by Patty G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋