How do I confront my fiance about the way we have sex without hurting his feelings or bruising his ego?

Question

I've been with my partner for over a year but sex has changed dramatically. When we were in a long distance relationship (all of 3 months!) we were always lusting after each other. I also moved countries to be with him. About 2 months in, sex changed. Not quantity, but quality. There was no more kissing, no more seducing, no more oral, just getting straight into.

Now, a year down the road, I feel unsatisfied. He'll come up behind me sometimes when I'm washing the dishes to kiss me on my neck and I'll get goose bumps EVERYWHERE. I can't remember the last time he kissed me there.

We're getting married in August and I do love him but don't understand why the sex has changed. When I indirectly asked him about it, he became very defensive and took it that I didn't like making love with him. I crawled back into my shell immediately :-(

I don't know how to tell him without making him feel insecure or inadequate. He's not the easiest to talk to on such sensitive matters. Help?

Answer 1

There is no way to broach the subject of sex with your partner without making him feel insecure about his performance--especially since that is the issue. You do still have to talk to him now though because the marriage will have a major issue looming in it from the start if you don't. You can try to stave off some of his worry by saying it's not that I don't care about you or love you but this is a problem. Hopefully he will be receptive. Good luck.

Answer 2

Its all about the way you present to him how you feel. Instead of being confrontative and saying what gives, maybe you can drop hints. Say things like you thought about him giving you oral and it drove you wild. If a guy finds that his girlfriend gets turned on by something, he will keep going doing it. I mean it isnt like you are telling him that the size of his "package" is too small. As for oral, I bet u know that a woman is most satisfied this way because of clitoral stimulation which simply cant be done in conventional sex. You could always initiate things to get him in the mood. My girlfriend will come up to me and straddle over my lap and give me a kiss, and like you, it drives her wild to get kissed on the neck. Btw congrats on the wedding! Have a long happy marriage.

Answer 3

I think it's much more better you resolve the issue before getting married, sex is an essential part of any relationship and if a party decide not to fully satisfy the other there's always a crack in such affair. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

I have found that the best way to get your point across is to put in writing, but be careful of the words you chose. You have to walk that fine line between getting your point across and hurting his feelings. Reassure him that he can and has made you feel the way that you want to, but you don't see the effort anymore. Let him know that there is nothing wrong with him, he just needs to step it up a little. Also, no matter how flat you make a pancake, there is always two sides, which means half of the problem is you. No where in your details did you state that you try to bring the old him out. Take a little control in the bedroom, I know that when I have come to the point that he is at, its partially because my mate would just be kinda waiting on me to make all the moves. That takes all of the fun out of it, and it can work him to death. Help him refocus his sexual goals. What is your sexual goal? It should not be to be satisfied, it should be to satisfy him and vice/versa. Sex is teamwork, as long as hes taking care of you and your taking care of him, everyone is satisfied. Otherwise, why do you need the other person, everyone knows how to make them self climax.

Answer 5

Tell him you want him. Desperately want him. You think about it all the time. You want him so bad that you need it to go slower so you can savor the memory until the next time. Then tell him, kiss me here, kiss me there, move him around. Encourage him to go slower and more sensual. If a woman told me to do these things and to take my time, and the reason why was she couldn't get enough of me. You better believe I would do it just like she asked.

It seems that when we are in a longer term relationship we get the idea that we know what works on our partner the best, and we tend to go right to that. It is easy to forget all the other things that warm her up and get everything ready for that "one" thing that works well.

Answer 6

If this is happening now, what is the future going to bring????
If he can't talk to you about this, then what can he talk to you about.This is your relationship, you can't brush it off, this needs to be addressed.
Whether he is hard to talk to or not, demand he talk to you.
If he is doing something he shouldn't be or is just not interested in you, you need to know.
you do not want to marry a man who is not interested in you!!!!!!!! maybe he has changed his mind and wants out...
You had better ask him, before you go through with this....it is better to know now.....
Do not crawl in your shell, a marriage or relationship has to be an equal say and also getting an answer to a question that is on the table by the partner.......
Do not worry about ego here, you need to know!!!!!!! tell him you go no further, plain and simple, until this is resolved... have him explain his feelings... do not shy away..... this could escalate to a worse situation if it is not addressed now.....
This has to be discussed and I wouldn't be getting married until I got to the bottom of the problem.

Answer 7

If you dont talk to him about it now before you get married then things will stay the same you have to pluck up the courage and tell him. You could also surprise him one night and do the romantic candle light dinner for 2 routine finishing off with a sexy outfit ready to seduce him in the bedroom, a sexy outfit and stockings usually works. To be honest if things have cooled down this early in the relationship then I might question whether you're right for each other long term.

Answer 8

sex changed because you became comfortable with each other and familiar with each other. he really isnt doing anything wrong.

tell him you want to try something different. ask him what he likes best about making love with you and listen to him. take turns expressing what you both like and dont like.

plan a romantic evening with candle light and strawberries and such. just because sex is planned doesnt mean it can't be fun, good feeling, and exciting as time that are unplanned. once you've been in a relationship where you are familiar and comfortable it becomes easy to just settle into a "routine" for sex. in marriage it takes work and craetivity.

Answer 9

Write him a letter. If you do that and leave it for him to read when you aren't there, he can't really cut you off before you've had a chance to finisih. Start out in the letter letting him know how much you love him and how great he is. Then be very direct. Just say that sex isn't what it used to be and that you really want all the excitement back becuase you adored being treated like that. Let him know that you in know way want to hurt his feelings.

In a letter, you can get all of your feelings out there without having him interrupt you. I bet you'll be happy with the results.

Answer 10

This is a really big problem. I would advise you to talk to him and discuss you feelings of dissatisfaction. If you marry him before you get this problem fixed, or at least acknowledged, you'll be going into a marriage knowing that it will likely be unsatisfying. He deserves the right to know how you feel and you deserve the right to a great sex life. Good luck!