she is afraid to even go to a movie or do a lunch date with a friend, but her ex husband dates any woman he can find, why she refuse to go out ? even in a friendly date, no strings attached? she clames that she wants someone but she is been alone for over a year , is that normal for a divorced woman?
2007-05-17 04:49:09 · 24 answers · asked by parmiggiano 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Once burned, twice shy.
Has nothing to do with man or woman, it has to do with the amount of injury or pain they experienced with the breakup.
Quit trying to "Date" her. Try being her friend.
2007-05-17 04:51:04 · answer #1 · answered by spam_free_he_he 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Divorce is painful and sometimes it takes awhile to get over it....for some people. Everyone's different. Personally, I couldn't wait to start dating after my divorce, but it was the end of 10 years of misery and abuse and I knew I deserved better and was ready to find it. However, your lady may have a much different situation. Maybe she still loves her ex and isn't over him yet. If so, then she is smart not to get involved with anyone else yet. It's probably true that she wants someone, but maybe she's just afraid of being hurt again or of her past messing up the present for her. Give her some space. If she doesn't want to date you, then there is nothing you can do about it. Be content to be her friend and not push her. When she is ready to date you (if ever), then she will let you know.
2007-05-17 04:55:25 · answer #2 · answered by Amy27 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have to understand, as some others have pointed out, that her marriage and divorce may have been very traumatic for her...and don't forget that people are different...the healing process takes longer for some people than others, and some people hang on for a while in the slim hopes that their ex will realize their mistake and want them back (though this rarely happens)...I advise that what she really needs is a friend right now, not a date (even with no strings attached)...let her go at her own pace...I think eventually she'll come out of her shell, but only when SHE is ready to do so...Hope this helps...
2007-05-17 05:01:50 · answer #3 · answered by Dokdouglas 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
maybe she is just having a really hard time trusting ppl . I mean maybe she is afraid that she will run into her ex husband or something . I know that when i got my divorce my ex would follow me and hide in the bushes and when my date and I got near my house he would jump out from the bushes and scare the sh-- out of my dates . He was abusive and dangerous that is why I divorced him . i finally had to get him placed in jail to see the light and to leave me alone . There could be a lot of reasons why she does not date . i was alone for 9 yrs before i met and married my now husband . Please try and be understanding and maybe you could be her friend.
2007-05-17 04:55:25 · answer #4 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would say that is perfectly normal. Do you think she should jump into a relationship? Does she have children? I know I would be super careful if I had kids. Something can develope very quickly after just a couple of good dates. SHe obviously is not ready.
Maybe she likes women now or she always did.
Maybe she likes to be alone because she won't let another man screw her over.
Ask her if you want the answer.
2007-05-17 04:54:21 · answer #5 · answered by Michelle 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, it is not normal, but that said, it happens a lot. Odds are her relationship with her husband was turbulent and traumatic. The divorce, if nasty, may have made it even worse. This can cause trust issues and social anxiety, as she may fear that the same horrible things will happen to her again. If her childhood was traumatic as well, this will accentuate the problem. She likely could really use some professional therapy.
2007-05-17 04:53:09 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, it's not normal. She'll never find anybody that way. She's got to get back up on the horse and ride, or she may never. If she is afraid of getting hurt again.......ups and downs are what life is made of. Yes, she may get hurt again, but it's just as likely that she won't. You've got to love like you'll never be hurt. Life is much much more fun that way. She's building memories, not regrets.
2007-05-17 04:59:30 · answer #7 · answered by kj 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's up to her to decide when and whom to date. Her reasons for not doing so are her own. Some people start dating immediately after a divorce, some don't date for years...most fall somewhere in the middle and it just takes them a while to get back into single life (esp if they were married for a long time).
2007-05-17 04:52:00 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Obviously the ex has beaten her self-esteem so low she can't even imagine doing something for herself. Be patient- Invite her over for coffee- or show up with 2 starbucks and some pasteries. Call her on the phone- talk to her- It is not NORMAL but it does happen. We are very good as human beings about "hurting" each other, women are just as guilty as men- we can "brow beat" our men--
take it slow - just being there to listen- and repeat HER ideas helps alot!
2007-05-17 04:56:06 · answer #9 · answered by southbelldixie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yeah that's probably common for a divorce woman. you have to think about it. she's still in "married mode". plus, you may want to examine her previous relationship. Was her ex controlling? Because it seems as if she afraid she's going to get punished or chastised just for the gesture of being with you.
Give her some time. Continue to woo her, but if the paranoia increases, you may want to rethink having her as a dating option. Good luck.
2007-05-17 04:54:01 · answer #10 · answered by fsuforlife21 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Good for her! And, yes, sure it is. Most mature women need some time to deal with things after a divorce. And, if there are children involved, she needs to have them come first, so her lovelife is the last thing on her mind.
2007-05-17 05:52:05 · answer #11 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋