What should I do?

Question

Hi Everyone, I'm 30 years old and I have a 1 year old son. My husband is always working. He owns his own business. He leaves the house at 7:00 and comes home at 4:00. Runs downstairs and keeps working. Sometimes he brings his laptop to the table and works when we have dinner. If not he runs back down after dinner to work. He is suppose to give the baby his bath but most nights he asks me to do it. I wash baby, last feeding and put him to bed. He spends 1 hour with me watching tv and I am off to bed. He stays up and works until 2 - 4 in the morning. On the weekends he feeds the baby breakfast and works on his laptop at the same time. We have had so many fights over this and he's so messy too and I can't get him to understand that his mess drives me crazy and just to be alittle neater to compensate for his lack of helping out. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm lonely, tired, stressed and sad.I don't want to break up the family but what kind of message are we sending our son in the end

I think somewhere many of you misunderstood. I never said I was a stay at home mom. I also work 8 - 4 and when I'm done for the day, I pick my son up from my mother. I understand fully that my husband is working hard to build his business and as many of you would like to believe I am not understanding to that I am, very much so. However I need him to understand that he needs to put some balance into his life because his family needs him too.

Answer 1

Your son is too young to know what is going on right now and if he did know what was going on; he would see that your husband is working his butt of for his family and you are working hard at home. Your husband is working to support you and your baby, be happy for that.

You stay home all day. It is your job to take care of your husband, child and the home. Try to take an exercise class, do something to make yourself happy. Communicate with your husband and MAKE him listen, do not yell...talk about your frustrations.

I WISH I could stay at home with my child and be a homemaker instead of stressing at work all day...your husband stresses too and it is up to him to make this company work...he has a lot on his shoulders...look at things from his point of view instead of complaining about how "bad" you have it.

Answer 2

Honey, what you have is not a family. You have to have a serious talk with your husband without fighting. He needs to know how you feel and that the situation cannot continue like this. Ask him for some time without interruption and tell him exactly what you wrote here, that you are tired, sad, lonely and unhappy and you can't live like this any longer. Tell him that the situation must change or you will consider leaving him. Then suggest solutions like marriage counselling if doesn't see your point. Again, make it all about your feelings and raising a baby in a happy family. If he defends his position on making a living remind him that life is not only about money. It's about balance. Hopefully he will get your message if he loves you and cherishes his baby. Remember not to raise your voice, don't be aggressive and don't accuse him of not doing what he's supposed to. Persuasion and explaining your position calmly is usually more effective. You may also add how much you appreciate him as a provider but you also need a partner in life. Good luck!

Answer 3

This is a tough situation. It's obvious that your husband is a workaholic. The thing is though is that it's slightly understandable. He owns his own business. he is doing what he has most likely been taught to do but HIS parents. If that's not the case then he could be working this hard to avoid a lifestyle less then what he wants his family to have to live. Needless to say, he's trying to provide a life for you and his child. That doesn't mean he's right though.

Have you ever seen the movie "Click"? Great movie, if you haven't seen it watch it with your husband and see if he gets the hint. If you HAVE seen it then try to look at this through Adam Sandler's character's eyes because chances are they are very similar to your husband's feelings.

It sounds like you REALLY need to sit down and talk to your husband. Tell him EVERYTHING you're feeling. You married the guy for a reason and i would like to think it's because you love him and saw in him a life you wanted to live. You owe it to him to at least tell him what you are feeling and that you want him to be a more active part of your son's life. "For better or worse"...this sounds like it might be one of the worse times.

Talk to him and work it out. He will always be your son's father, even if you divorce him, so unless you remove him completely from your son's life he will still be an influence regardless of if you divorce him or not so why not try to work things out and avoid a divorce. Good luck!

Answer 4

It sounds to me like your husband is trying to make a successfull business. He is most likely doing this for you and your child. Give him a break. He's working. Do you work outside the home? I understand a 1yr old can be a hand full. but the end result will probably be worth the suffering. Ask him if there is anything you can do to help him. Ask him not to use laptop at table.. communicate with your partner. most of the time they don't even know how you feel, If the only time you talk about it is when your fed up and get angry. Working together might help. the message your sending to your son is to be successfull you must work hard...... Good Luck.....

Answer 5

You are sending a message to your son that being self supporting and taking care of your family by working hard - even if you have to make some scarifies in the beginning is worth it. Nothing is handed to you. This man is trying to provide for his family the best way he knows how.

I do understand that this is a very stressful time in your relationship, raising children and trying to continue an adult relationship is hard and not glamorous like on TV, it is hard work. Hang in there. Think of a way to let your hubby know that you get frustrated but make sure tell him you appreciate how hard he works too.

He sounds like a caring family man, at least he is not running around town all hours of the night with women. This guy is a keeper! Don't let him slip away.

Answer 6

He probably thinks he has to work all the time to provide for you and his son, which is great when you look at it that way but he is going overboard which can cause a lot of damage in the family, which you are seeing. You need to tell him exactly what you wrote and you both need to come up with a solution. That's the only way it can get fixed. You can also try making a family day and make him leave his work at home, doing that every week or two may help, but you really do need to keep stressing this to him. And let him know he's appreciated at the same time. I hope you get this worked out.

Answer 7

Perhaps you would prefer a husband who was always around the house paying attention to you and having sex constantly with six children and on welfare. Oh and when he did get a little extra money he would go to the bar and have a few with the boys.

Starting ones own business is no easy job that just requires 3 or 4 hours a day. You get back out of it what you put into it. As the business starts to grow he can begin to cut back on the amount of time he has to put into it and hire somebody to carry part of the load.

I guess you think his life is a picnic. Stop and think about the amount of time you are sleeping or relaxing while he is working. Perhaps if you were a little more compassionate toward him he would try to find more time to try to be with you. I doubt he wants to hear you nagging at him.

Answer 8

have you told your husband you're "lonely, tired, stressed and sad?" if so, what was his response? Was his working an issue before you had your son? Before you were married?
It's time for the 2 of you to actually spend some time together really talking. Not accusing or berating or complaining but talking. Find out how long he intends to keep up this schedule and ask yourself if you're willing to wait...what's happening right now is not healthy for any of you and yes, many a marriage has failed because of this type of thing. You guys need to lay all your cards on the table and see if you can come up with some sort of agreement on how things should be working.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

You say that you've had many fights about this situation, but have you two really talked face to face? Maybe that hour instead of watching TV, he'd be willing to talk with you?

Try phrasing your statements to him like you did here. You're lonely, tired, and you really need his help. You appreciate that he's working so you can stay home and that he's working so hard running his own business, but you really need him. Try not to be accusatory in your statements, but phrase them like "when this happens, I feel like this" example: When you leave a mess, it frustrates me because I'm really overwhelmed and I need your help". Explain to him your concern about what message you're sending to your son.

The other answer is some counseling. Hopefully for both of you, but even just for you.

Good luck.

Answer 10

There are some positives here..you know where he is, he is not out running around, he is working. I think you are feeling ignored and left out of his life. It is hard when one partner is so caught up in career that family feels forgotten.

Is there a way that you could get daycare for your son and help out in your husbands business? It would give you time together and possibly free up so of his time so that he could participate in your child's care.

If that is not possible you should develop some outside interests or even get a job. There is the issue of daycare for your son however I think it would be good for him to be with other children and adults; as opposed to being around
someone who is tired, stressed and sad.