My friend has upset me. What should I do?

Question

A girl at work has told me that she is seeing my ex. She wanted to get it off her chest. I don't mind but what I am upset about is that my housemate who I consider to be my best friend knew about it and did not tell me. I don't know whether tell her how I feel or just be more careful about who I am friends with. If I knew someone was seeing her ex I would tell her so she didn't find out unexpectedly. Now I know everyone at work knew what was happening except me. Also, the girl in question made it very clear my housemate knew which i think she has done just to be malicious. Now i feel as though I can't hang out in my circle of friends as I don't want to see her and him together. He is only part of the circle of friends through me in the first place. What should I do?

Answer 1

Your housemate was probably just trying to spare your feelings and if the girl you work with asked her not to say anything it would have been a breach of privacy on her part. You need to forgive your friends and the girl so that you can continue your life happily, any other way will just make you feel bad.

Answer 2

Eliminate the DRAMA from your life. Firstly your housemate probably didnt want to upset you so her intentions were probably good. Secondly, the girl at work was probably trying to make herself look better than your housemate since she felt guilty. All these people have normal emotions so its up to you to set the tone of being on higher ground. In otherwords move on. Yes that will incorporate finding friends outside of this mileiu, in addition to being gracious to those already in y our circle.
Moving on can mean taking a class, volunteering, take a long weekend trip; or doing anything different to show yourself there is another world out there. You will look back and be proud of your behavior if you do this.

Answer 3

Try looking at this situation from a different perspective. Is it possible your housemate didn't tell you because she wanted to protect you? Maybe she thought you would be upset and wanted to spare you the hurt. There are always at least two sides to every issue.

Talk to your housemate and tell her you know. Ask her why she didn't tell you. Listen to her response. She may be more of a friend than you know. If her intent was to protect you, tell her that in the future she doesn't have to be so protective and that you would rather know than be kept in the dark. It's all about communication - two way communication.

Answer 4

True, your housemate might have been trying to protect you, which is noble in it's own way. But, now you know about it all. You should talk to your housemate about how you feel. Letting your feelings out is a lot better than keeping them bottled up. You might even ask her if there is anything else that she knows and has not told you. If she is hiding a lot from you, it may be more than just simple protection. You are a grown woman and don't need to be protected from everything. Stand up for yourself.

Answer 5

Your housemate isn't really to blame , shes not the one dating your ex ,it could be that she didn't saying anything because she didn't want to be caught in the middle of something that she doesn't have anything to do with. As far as hanging out with your circle of friends , ignore your ex, if you guys aren't together hes probably an ex for a reason.So move on and find someone worth your time

Answer 6

Technically it is not your friends place to boggle in your personal unless she is told otherwise, so in part you should hold her liable to telling you anything but i do understand that you thought that because she is your friend she should have told you. That too may be true but you have to realize even though someone is your friend (close or not) doesn't mean they view a situation the same as you do. If you feel that confronting your friend and telling her how you feel then do so and leave it alone. Don't let one monkey spoil the show, in reference to your ex. There is a logical reason she didn't tell you. Ask question, get answers. Don't go jumping the gun because you might find yourself even more confused or lost or even worse without a friend.

Answer 7

well hon that depends on how you would have handled someone telling you the truth...Ive been in both positions.....sometimes i have wanted to tell someone what was going on or something that i knew about their b/f or g/f but just didn't want to say anything in fear that they wouldn't believe me and tell their b/f or g/f what i had said and then the bf/gf wouldn't want them being around me anymore so i just kept my mouth shut---Ive told people about things and the people said that i was lying trying to break up a relationship--which wasn't true---i mean that could be why no one says anything to you--now....friends aren't friends that date your ex's ---every woman should know that you don't date a man within a circle of friends that have all hung out together in the past...that makes for a lot of uncomfortable situations--OR at least if someone did want to date your ex--they could have come and asked you if you would mind----but personally i don't do that to women that i know--I would never date a friend's ex---so from this just know that some people don't want to tell fearing they might lose you as a friend---and friends don't date their ex's---hope that helps you out and good luck!!

Answer 8

In my opinion it's your ex who could have told you the news. Your friend is in a difficult situation of whether to tell or not to tell and she should not have to be in that situation. I am sure that if you voiced your dissapointement to her she would be hurt but she could have also have hurt feelings if someone told her she was a tattletail. It's a difficult situation but caused by your ex in my opinion. Do talk to your friend about it because I'm sure she was torn about it and ask her why she decided not to inform you rahter than trying to guess or drop her from your circle of friends, everyone is entitled to defend him or herself.Good Luck and remember too why he's your ex!( if had had the guts to tell you you would not have been so hurt at least the girl at work is honest enough to tell you but she had no business to tell you your friend knew, that's between you and your friend)

Answer 9

Your friend didn't tell you because she didn't want to upset you probably. In your eyes she did the wrong thing and I can see why you are upset. I would think that she could find better ways to upset you then not tell you about something if that's what she was trying to do though. If you can't forgive a friend for a mistake then you obviously aren't much of a friend.

Answer 10

You seem to have a couple of issues here; it doesn't sound as if you're over your ex because you don't want to see him and his new girl together. You also wouldn't be so upset about not being told if you had put it all behind you. Your anger towards your friends seems to be getting mixed up with anger towards your boyfriend. I think your friend probably knows you're not over him completely and she didn't want to hurt you.
Get over your ex and move on so that you don't have to worry about hanging out in the same circle of friends.