My Marriage is in trouble, what do I do?

Question

How do I save my marriage?
My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for 6. We have 2 children, ages 4 and 8. We have our ups and downs, but overall I thought things were good. But in the last 2 weeks, he has changed. He says he don't love me anymore, not attracted to me anymore, and wants a divorce. I told him, that I would like to try and work things out, but he doesn't want to try, he says he is just burnt out on our marriage. Any suggestions on what to do, please, I will take them.




I haven't let myself go...i weighed 112 when I met him..2 kids later i am at 120...so I know its not that...I keep up on styles and hairdos...but recently he bought a muscle car...and started wanting to go out more and more..I work in a bar...and he wont even come in there anymore to say "hi" or just stand there and talk with me. He has this job with the state, and it seems like he is burying himself in that, and the people he works with.

Answer 1

Maybe he's found someone else? Maybe you need to move on. I know you don't want to hear it, but if he's not willing to try to make it work, or seek counseling. Then why be in a marriage where you are both unhappy. just tell the kids the truth if they ask. You can do it on your own. Its hard at first, but later you'll that it was worth it.

Answer 2

Okay he brought a muscle car, and if he is working late at night then he is having an affair. If he says that he is not willing to make the marriage work then he has been seeing someone behind your back all this time. DO NOT stay married for the childern, that will make things worse. Any couple that thinks that they have kids, or by having a child the marriage would automatically improve the marriage is in world of denial.
The minute he cheats on you, he automatically is not in love with you.Try and get custody, cause chances are that he is cheating, and he doesn't want to deal with kids. He is going out that means he is interested in seeking someone else, or he is cheating. Get documented evidence, follow him one day to see where he goes, or have a friend do it and take photos on a cell phone. Bring it up in court that you have been nothing but faithful to him.

Numba two he stated that he wants a divorce, he might have a lawyer already, and already started the proceedings without you knowing. Check to see if the new car he brought is paid by joint checking account if it is, pull all the money from the joint and any joint savings that you two might have into your own.

If the house is in his name, because (he can legally oust you from it) you might want to consider looking for an apartment, or make him start looking for one. Get all your finances together, have your name removed from any mortgage, 2nd morgage, any bills on the house, if the house is in his name.

In this day and age, anyone that tells you that I don't love you, and insults you on a daliy basis, and doesn't want to see a marriage counselor is ready to leave. Once they have stated that they are fully aware what would happen to the family the emotional heartbreak, financial mes, lawyers, everything. If work was boggling him down that much then he would have talked to you about it, or you have made several attempts to ask probe, and comfort him in the only way you know possible. And the next thing you know he wants a divorce, He doesn't want to work it out. At this point in the marriage, if one doesn't want to work it out then its no longer a marriage. He is thinking purely about himself, not about you. Don't give him leeway. You have your own finances, the kids, and other things to worry about. Any car that you have get it registered in YOUR name, and well as the insurance , liescence and everything.

May God be with you. But also God gave common sense to people as well.

Answer 3

I am currently in the same situation and I hate to tell you this but he is seeing another person. My wife of 10 years recently gave me the "I love you but I am not in love with you" speech, wants a divorce, and she will not even consider counseling. I found out that she has been engaged in an emotional affair with a teaching collegue from New Hampshire (who is going through a divorce and just recently started working again in MA area). I do not want to give up on my marriage, but I have come to the realization that I can not control how she feels or acts. Therefore, I am making sure that I do everything possible to help my kids through this period (my wife is a Waldorf teacher and the school consumes her life right now), and making sure that I learn from this time in my life to make me a stronger and better person.

Feel free to email me if you need to chat sometime.

Answer 4

O.K. Prepare yourself for the worst scenario, then suggest separation. Clearly your husband's mind is somewhere else. It may be another woman, or it may be just his job. He may love you but not in a way he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Meaning, he doesn't love you the way he first loved you when you two got married. Give him some time, and at the same time prepare yourself for the worst possible case. If the separation doesn't work out then ready to let him go. You cannot force him to stay married to you. If he feels there is pressure coming from you, he will break the rules and may do something to break your heart. Don't panic, be cool!!

Answer 5

Every marriage and relationship has it's ups and downs and unfortunately birthdays (Major ones like 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, etc) seem to aggrivate them for some people. Your husband may be experiencing a "midlife" crisis. Is it near his birthday and he's feeling like "what do I have to show for my life so far?". Even though you have let your body go, have you neglected your relationship? What were some of the things you two used to do that you no longer do? Picnics, movies once in awhile, hand holding, physical contact of any kind is really important in any relationship (and I don't mean sex at all). Ask your husband if he would be willing to go to marriage or couples counseling to try to save the relationship. Even if he disagrees at first, start trying to rebuild what you had. Give his shoulders a massage at night while he's watching tv. Tuck a note saying "Love ya" in his jacket pocket or lunch box or on his steering wheel. Ask him to walk around the block with you and the kids after dinner and hold his hand while you do it. Make a date night and get a sitter and even go "parking" afterwards. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

Did you neglect him in the past? Did you drive him away? It's not uncommon for married women to do this to their husbands. They take them for granted until hubby gets fed up and wants to leave. It's one of the most common reasons men want to get divorced. It may be too late. Sorry. Marriage is a 50/50 proposition now. Heads you stay married and tails you head to divorce court.

Answer 7

I'm so very sorry. Unfortunately, this is not all that uncommon. (This actually happened to my ex-sister-in-law when out of the blue, my brother no longer 'loved' her after 6 yrs of marriage). If he doesn't want to be married to you anymore, there's really nothing you can do to change that. Sometimes people just fall out of love. It's not fair to you, anyway, to be with him if he no longer loves you. You deserve to be loved by your spouse. I know it's hard. All the best to you.

Answer 8

hi... it sounds like your husband is going through some sort of mid-life crisis.. buying the new car is a sure sign of this. and staying out all the time? that's not a good sign, either.

sadly, sometimes people do fall out of love, feelings change and people also change. i'm sorry to hear you're having this sort of problem....

i don't know what else to say, except to take care of YOU... if you're doing so badly that you're worried all of the time, perhaps consider therapy... you don't deserve to feel crappy hon. you sound like a great gal, with a lot to give.

don't waste it on someone who no longer cares....

he might come back around, i don't know, but in the meantime focus on yourself. sending hugs

Answer 9

Oh... that freakin bastard is lying out of his @ss!!! You know he has to have someone else. No one just falls out of love with their partner. Especially after so many years!! You sound like you've kept your image so as hard as it may be at first, there's nothing left you can do but find someone yourself. Eventually he will get tired of her and will want to come back to you and hopefully by that time, you will have forgotten about the CHUMP!!!

Answer 10

Honey, sorry to say but sounds like he might have someone on the side. Burying himself at work and his people at work sounds like an excuse. I would suggest confronting him and asking specifics on the reasons why he wants a divorce. Being burnt out is NOT a reason. Also talk to him about counseling and trying to work things out.