why wont my x speak to me after 10 years?

Question

my x husband and i got divorced 10 years ago because he was having an afair i met some one else after 6 months and we are now married he married his misstres as well but he has never spoke to me and blames me for everythig i find this very hard to understand has we had 3 kids together and he has cut them of to even thou one has been very ill and i have kept his family informed why cant he move on i hurt so much for the kids because they think its there fault me and my new husband reasure them that we love them but it is so hard to watch him reject them

i was very faithful to this bloke for 22years he was my first boyfriend from the age of 12 and divorced him at 34 his family are great and my x father in-law hates him for this to

Answer 1

If your ex wants to be like that then that is his loss. Some men and women are nothing but loosers. Your children now have a step-dad who loves them alot so he can now be a dad to them. Your ex's loss is someone elses gain.

Answer 2

As has been stated over and over here - this is an all too common issue. Unfortunately it is the children who are most affected by this stuff. Parents decide to "move-on" with their lives. Sometimes it means moving on from not only an ex but also from their children. Some people just don't know how to separate issues properly. Pretty basic - some people can juggle some people just aren't coordinated enough to do it. You don't need to defend yourself - you know you did what was right for you and your children. Don;t speak ill of your ex - the kids will get the big picture in the long run of things. Comfort them the best you can and let your past be your past.

Answer 3

You can't control what other people do or think. It does you no good to try or even worry about it. The sooner you realize that the better off you and the children will be.

The children are old enough now to understand some of the ways of the world. You and your current husband need to sit the children down and talk to them about your ex husband and their father and tell them the whole story. I presume maybe your ex thinks you and your current husband were having an affair while you were still married to him.

Any way clear up the air with you children and answer any questions they have as honestly as you can. If the two of you were having an affair while you were still married don't lie to them about it because you will probably get caught up with and lose their respect.

Answer 4

This is very hurtful for you all to go through- well maybe not him.
My emotional viewpoint is: my dad took me in from my crazy mother, but basically, he ALWAYS chooses the woman he's with over me. Past children are left out in the cold.
I get blamed for everything, even it's just one damned glass in the sink setting off her evil tirades.
SO, because that hurts too much, I turn to social science.
And if you can go logical instead of emotional, you might hear this the way I mean it.
Even though we're human, we're homo sapien.
Different species, at different times in the economic cycle of the society, have varying mating strategies.
Men only really tend to stay and help with kids, and this is JUST biologically, when there is famine, or some reason to think that past age two, the mother isn't going to be able to get them fed and keep them protected.
NOW, socially, humans have come up with all kinds of assumptions and rules and religions and all of that jazz...
And I'm not saying he isn't a total JERK for not choosing to be more human than animal.
But, when people are faced with pain, sometimes we just don't have the- let's say- guts- to fight our true natures.
This is life.
Men go away.
Society hasn't convinced them all to stick around.
I'm sorry that it happened to you, while millions of other dads do the best they can.

Answer 5

The best thing to do, is get out from being in the middle of things. Besides telling your kids, that their dad still loves them, let them find out for themselves, his true feelings. Go to the store, and get 3 cards with either a blank inside or something like a Father's day card. Address the labels and put stamps on the cards, then give the cards to your kids and have them ask their dad directly. If he responds to them, there will be a start in the communication. If there isn't, then they will know that it isn't your fault.

Answer 6

Sounds to me like an indirect admission of guilt. It is natural for people who have done wrong and are now suffering the consequences (I'll bet his life is not as good as it was when he was with you) to blame everyone but themselves. By rejecting you and the children, he can falsely justify in his head that he is in the right, and therefore assuage the guilt. That said, there is no way to know for sure what is going on in his mind. Odds are you and your kids are better off. The best thing you can do is to learn how to cope with it and let it go. After ten years, if you are unable to do this, you might consider getting some counseling. Good luck!

Answer 7

your ex husband is stil BITTER after all these years, is the problem.

you can sit your kids down and let them know that adult problems do not belong to them, and YOUR problems and their dad's problems are never their fault. and you could let them know that you realize it's been difficult for them. perhaps just talking to them, will help, even a little.

yes it's difficult to watch our children go through difficult times, especially when it comes to their own father. but the truth is, their father is at fault, and they do know it. they have brains, and they will use them.

i hope things work out. you sound like a loving, caring mother. keep up the good work! hugs

Answer 8

For some people...it's hard to move on. Heck my mom still hasn't gotten over her divorce with my dad...even after 25 years. Sometimes those wounds will never heal. It doesn't matter who's fault it is.

Answer 9

Oh i went through the same thing. My ex abandon his children and hasn't seen them in 17 years. But it's still tells everyone it's my fault. If he cheated on you that means he doesn't have high morals. The children are better off with out him. Here's a question i asked and some of the responses. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AugHuHIrade3_adWa4fDAKHsy6IX?qid=20070417084450AAQFZyV

Answer 10

Omigod! That sucks! I feel bad fo you and yoru kids and your family. Maybe when you did that broke his heart and he stil be hurt and hates you. Still, hhe shouldn't reject your own kids! You mave to let him go compeltely. Tell him to stop being a jerk and if he doesn't want your kids, then she shouldn't come complaning to you if he decides randomly in the futur tht he wants. (unless he's truly sorry.)