Hubby walked out, daughter devistated...please help?

Question

I am 4 months prego, and my hubby and i have two kids...we have recently been having problems w/ our marriage, yesterday he took all of our money and took off, not even a good bye to the kids...my oldest daughter 7 is taking this very rough...she is very depressed, I am trying my hardest to be strong, and talk to her, at the same time give her her space...I am really worried about her! What can I do to help ease her pain? Please help

Answer 1

At the same tender age of your child, my parents separated for a reason i didn't totally understand. Yes, i was in such pain but i remember my mother repeatedly telling me it is going to be okay. She allowed me my space but she also blanketed me with her love. You have to keep keeping on. Show your daughter that you are strong for her and she will feed off your strength. Don't mislead her in anyway. In due time she will come around just be patient. I say to you, pray, unceasing. God corrects all that is wrong. He will show you what He can do.

Answer 2

Let her know you are there if she ever needs to talk to you about it. But don't bug her about it. People don't like being bugged about stuff like that. It might not be a bad idea to visit the grandparents or her aunt and uncles. Lets her get loved by other people she knows that love her. And it makes it so all of the attention doesn't come from you.

Sometimes, even the in-law grandparents can be a good help.

You might also consider your local church for help. The women from the church could give you some good emotional help that you may need, I'm sure that one or two of the women in the church have gone through the same thing. And by going to the church, especially if it has a good active youth group it can give your daughter a good group of friends to hang out with and do activities with that you should not have to worry about her getting in trouble. Most churches are good about if they know you don't have the money to help supply your family money for the kids to be able to go to activities. If you dont' feel comfortable at one church check around until you find one that you do feel comfortable at. There are some churches where the members are snobs and others where the people are some of the friendliest people you'll meet.

Answer 3

She is old enough to understand part of the situation. Sit down with her while the younger one is taking a nap or playing or not in the room with the two of you.

Tell her the situation that he took off, took all the money and that you are having a difficult time coping with the situation and need her help. Involve her in helping with the problem and helping to keep her younger sibling happy.

Contact you parents or other family members for any type of help you can get from them. You may have to move. If you are renting perhaps you can tell your landlord the situation and will not have to give the full 30 days notice. Don't let pride stand in the way of survival of you and your 2 children and the one in the basket.

I don't know if you are working now or not. If you are and have some kind of insurance plan at work you need to try to keep the insurance. If you are not, you need to discuss with your parents about someone taking care of the children while you work or what you can do around the house in appreciation for them taking you in. You also need to contact social services to see what is available in the way of benefits for you and the children.

Answer 4

I'm a sorry to hear that. Your hubby is an as* by doing that, specially when you have children. Get yourself together, be strong and move on. Talk to your daughter and make her feel she has you and you will always be there for her. Make her feel safe and make her feel loved and she will realize that everything will be okay. Try not to talk to her about her dad and be strong in front of her don't show your emotions with her. If she sees your suffering she will feel the pain and it will be worst for her. Your not the first women that this has happened to. I know several and the only thing I can say is have courage for you and your children. Work hard and show your as* husband that you can do it without him.

Answer 5

There is no easy answer that will make it all better. You need to talk to her and let her know that you will never leave her, you will always be there for her. Find a way for her to communicate her feeling, worries and thoughts. My son was worried about his dad when he left, he had thoughts that he was living on the streets with no home and was angry at me. Then he was worried that I was going leave and never come back. It ripes my heart out to see him in pain. I'm sure you've heard this before "Every thing happens for a reason" This is something she has to go through for some reason, all you can do is be there for her and help guide her through this. Good luck and God bless you both.

Answer 6

I am going though this right now too. I was married for 11 yrs and one day hubby came home and said it was over just out of the blue. We have 2 girls 9 and 11. My 9 yr old dose not seem like it bothers her but my 11 yr old has had a rough time with it. I have learned that she feels better after we talk we don't talk about her dad all the time we just talk about stuff. You need to be her friend right now she needs to talk maybe about how she feels or maybe about her day but she needs to know that you are there and that you want leave. My 11 yr old told me that she was worried that I would leave to. She said that if it was so easy for her dad to leave her it might be easy for me to leave her and I have had to make her realize I am here to stay. So every night when I put her to bed me and her talk about all kinds of stuff. She told me that makes her feel like I will always be there. She need to talk about her feeling as well tell her how this has made you feel but let her know you will get though it together. make her feel like you are a team and that you will make it. GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

It's only been a day, don't share too many details of the breakup with a young child. Tell her that everything will be alright, hug her and hold her as much as she needs it. Tell her that her father still loves her, (assuming you know this is true).
Help take her mind off the situation, do a mother-daughter thing like going for ice cream.

Answer 8

What a coward your husband is……I feel terrible for you and your children. It's one thing to get a divorce, but it's entirely different thing when a man walks out like that. Just be there for your kids as much as possible.

My "dad" also walked out on my mom when I was 7. My mom had to get two jobs to make ends meet. Luckily my grandmother moved in with us, and basically raised us. I don't know how I would have turned out if she wasn't in my life. I am not going to lie, it was hard at first, but in the long run it was the best thing for our family.

Answer 9

Wow.....you've got your hands full and I feel for you. Spend as much time as you can reassuring her that you are there for her and be as patient as you possibly can. I know it's tough, but don't talk negative about her dad to her. Remind her that he loves her no matter where he is, because he is her dad. If you talk trash about him, the kids take it personal. However wrong his actions, he's just reacting to the marriage problems and your kids need to understand that it's nothing directed toward them. God bless you and good luck.

Answer 10

I am a daughter of divorced parents at a very young age, I remember being devasted like my dad didnt love me enough to stay. She is probably feeling the same way. You need to keep telling her that you are there if she needs to talk and tell her its not her fault and that daddy still loves her. She will need time to heal.