i am just about to break the news to my husband that i would like him to leave.
I was just curious as to what others have gone through once the intention is spoken. -as in what is your life like now after marriage?
we dont have kids, so that is a good thing, but how did you break the news to your other? what were the short term effects? long term effects? how did they take it?
how long did it take for you to get over it? how long did it take your ex to get over it, do you still talk to each other? i am interested to hear from both sides. do you regret it? or was it the best thing you could have done?
2007-05-17 02:24:00 · 12 answers · asked by Shake-Zula 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Manpig,
I own the house!
:)
2007-05-17 10:23:58 · update #1
Well, I commend you for being honest with him... I would get the nerve to tell him that you love and respect him as a friend, but that your feelings have changed..and you can't even explain it, but that you just know you're not happy....Then..you must try to move out and get on with the divorce, if this is what you want. Do you have a boyfriend that you are leaving your husband for? Don't tell your husband about that by any means...and keep the boyfriend hidden until it is really over for you and your husband...no need to rub it in his face...But...you are doing the best thing, to let him get on with his life...apologize, and tell him you didn't plan for this to happen and that you want nothing, if you have someone else..it is only the right thing to do...but I think YOU should leave..and start a new life, and don't put so much on him if he didn't do anything wrong.
2007-05-17 02:29:45 · answer #1 · answered by MotherKittyKat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Here is the short polite version of the end of my first marriage. He told me he was going to gay bars and was confused and not ready to be a father. Too late on the father part we had a 3 month old. I punched him very hard. Said some extremely cruel things about him, his parents and then took MY son and walked out the door. Only coming back long enough to get my things with a police officer. My only regret was loosing myself to violence cause I am really not a violent person. Wait that punch really felt gooooood.... It was the best thing I ever did because I have been married to a great guy who adopted MY son and made him OURS. Life is what you make it and if leaving is right for you then know once it is over or the words are out you can never go back. Good luck.
2007-05-17 02:34:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't know what your married life is like. But I've known couples who never had any problems outwardly because they held everything inside and never dealt with things as they came up. There was no sex, affection, respect, sharing. Then one day, the news was delivered, "I don't want to be married any more." It's like being punched in the belly by a giant and knocked on your back and you can't breathe. You wish you were dead. It would be nice if people could be like Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, but that just isn't realistic. The one who didn't ask for the divorce if filled with anger that takes a long time to get over.
2007-05-17 02:31:51 · answer #3 · answered by Darby 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, my situation may be slightly different, It has been 2 1/2 years since my ex-husband and I split, but we do have a child and were married for 6 years, I was the one who asked him to leave this time, I really felt as though there were no feeling left for him on my part, but as time passed after we split, I realized that I did love him, that it was just a bad time for me, he had cheated on me in the past, so I lost the trust, that is why I thought my feelings died. I still talk to him, he doesn't want to talk to me, He did not react to me telling him to leave, he got over me that day by moving in with another woman, and married her 2 weeks ago. But a part of me really regrets it, I think we should have tried other means before me having him leave, I still love him very much, and have not really been able to move on or be open to it yet. I think I would even take him back if he asked, this is a huge step, try talking to him before you do this, tell him how you feel and see what he says, I wish I would have, you loved him enough to marry him, maybe this is just a rough patch in your relationship. Good luck
2007-05-17 02:42:18 · answer #4 · answered by taralynn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I seperated from my wife first, sought residence elsewhere and met her one day to tell her that I am tired of the fighting and being treated the way I was, and that I wanted a divorce. Life was a little rough at first, but it gets better. In fact, there will be moments that you think you made a mistake, you have to be strong....
Short term, they are gonna hate.....long term...they are probably gonna hate you...no one likes being left, my ex-wife jumped in the arms of the nearest guy that would pay attention to her...and of course she put on a show of how wonderful he is compared...yada yada...
Short term, I regretted it thinking it was a rash choice...but I know its for the better...she was trailer trash, I tried to bring her up into the world...but you cant change someone no matter how much you try. We dont talk, in fact I tried sending a letter a few years ago...and got an earful of grief for my efforts..
So when you end it, stay strong....dont worry about the short term or long term effects...it might distract from your ultimate goal...If you both stay in touch, great...if not...dont dwell on it....whats more important your happiness or not pissing of your spouse or ex-spouse to be?
2007-05-17 02:32:58 · answer #5 · answered by Katana1971 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I sat him down and told him I was leaving. I had lived through 14 years of hell. He didn't want me to. We divorced and still maintained a good relationship. We were divorced 6 years and we got back tpgether. Although I am happy now I do not regret leaving him. It was the best thing I could done. He saw the problems I was talking about for years and did his best to change them.
2007-05-17 02:28:41 · answer #6 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be sure that you already have a place to go and live and move out the day that you tell him. Dragging it out is simply unfair to him. Get out of his life completely. Be sure to take ALL of your things on the day that you announce this. No coming back because you forgot something. Let him get on with his life as soon as possible.
I hope that this other guy is worth it. Good thing that you have no kids. That IS good.
Been on both sides of this.
2007-05-17 02:30:07 · answer #7 · answered by tiaburkeangry 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried counseling first?
My husband dropped a bomb on me one night out of the blue. I knew we had problems but every time i brought up marriage counseling he would say we didn't need it, so i thought our problems weren't that serious and we would work them out eventually. He sat down with me and actually spent time with me one night. He told me it wasn't fair for me to be so unhappy. I told him being a stay at home mom would be bearable if he actually spent some time with me because i was so alone. Then he said he thinks it would be best if we separated. Then the next night he slept over his girlfriend's house.
2007-05-17 02:44:38 · answer #8 · answered by mable3691214 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at first you will be stuch between regret and relief. It is good that there are no children involved. Just really think and be sure this is what you want. He will either be really hurt or relieved but once you have made a firm decision stick with it or you will only hurt him and yourself more.
2007-05-17 02:30:01 · answer #9 · answered by Shana T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess, based on all the questions you asked, is that you aren't convinced you should.
If you are so unsure about what to expect, it sounds like you are on the fence.
Does he know it's coming? Are things that bad that he will be surprised and therfore have a hard time letting go?
2007-05-17 02:28:13 · answer #10 · answered by Siggy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋