division of money?

Question

This is my plight. I work, I make 2.5 times less than my husband. He pays the bills, I buy the groceries, cleaning supplies, pet food, incidentals, is what he calls it. I also cover anything school related and whatever little what nots my children need. I am constantly broke. Between dance and lunches, and gas and clothes for the kids. I have money for one week and broke the next.

What has me ticked this morning. Is that he is leaving today for a four day fishing/golfing trip with his buddies. Always these little vacations where wives are not welcome. Mr. Money Bags, off to a weekend of luxury. Drinking and gambling and living the high life. While I will be home, doing laundry, dishes and scrubbing toilets. I have such bitterness toward this weekend. GRR He NEVER deals with the kids. My job. Tell me again why I am married. Right now I see him as a huge teenager. I am angry and bitter, and wish I had some fun looking my way for the weekend.

Have at it....

Answer 1

Absolutely NOT a fair arrangement. Instead of splitting up which bills/expenses you pay, ALL household expenses need to be paid out of a joint account. Each of you contributes the same PERCENTAGE of your income to pay all the expenses (bills, groceries, kids' expenses, pet food, all of it!).

Here's an example of how it works. Let's say he makes $100,000 and you make $40,000 a year (for your 2.5 times more proportion). That means he brings in about 71% of the total household income of $140,000, and you make about 29%. So, each of you contributes your percentage to the monthly expense joint account.

If you figure that you need $6000 to cover your monthly household expenses, his 71% share equals $4260, and your 29% share equals $1740. The result is that you have split your expenses FAIRLY according to your income. If you got a raise, then you'd need to refigure the contributions. Each month you each put in your portion, and then PAY THE BILLS TOGETHER. Each of you should know where the money is going.

The rest of your income can go into individual accounts that each of you can spend on yourselves, or as you see fit. If he wants to go with his buddies, at least it is no longer a financial issue (even if it is a relationship issue!). You have your own money left over, and he has his. All the expenses are taken care of, and there isn't one partner living in luxury while the other lives in squallor. Each of you having some control over your own income (AFTER the living expenses are covered) makes you feel like an empowered individual.

If he won't agree to splitting expenses fairly, try seeking marriage or financial counseling. This has to stop!!

Best of luck!

Answer 2

My wife and are were in a similar situation, I make the money and she stays at home (and looks after the banking). We weren't going off on weekends ourselves or things like that. But one day I found out she had a "seceret" bank account. I was ticked off to say the least, her excuse was she deserved to be paid for her work.

I totally agree that she (and you) deserve to be paid/get credit for the work you do, I was mad because like you, I felt betrayed, I didn't have money that I truly felt was my own and I felt guilty every time I did go somewhrere or do something for myself.

After many weeks of discussion we worked out a deal she keeps her no longer secret account, and we both get an allowance that we can do whatever we want with.

Now that there is nothing hidden we are actually doing more for each other, but we don't have to feel guilty when we do something for ourselves either.

As for the high life/single attitude that has to stop (mostly). Everyone needs time away from the family once in a while (my brother & I and a bunch of friends go on an annual week long canoe trip - no kids - no wives), my wife takes a few weekends with a girlfriend but most other times If I'm going somewhere some or all the kids are coming with me, any other time it is a whole family outing.

Last time I checked there were 24 hrs in a day and the kids only slept 8 of them forgetting the fact that you can never leave kids alone that means somebody is working 16 hrs a day looking after kids. On average I'm only working 11 hrs a day and get most weekends off - I owe the differnece to my wife..

Answer 3

Honey, I know the feeling. I worked every day took care of the kids. When my ex did work he was a truck driver and was gone all the time. He took motorcycle trips to the beach every year usually 4 or more. He would go motorcycle riding every night, when he stopped working in 1990 and I continued to work . He even ask for support during the divorce and he was the one committing adultry with my yougest sister.
I never had the guts to say . I need a weekend to have fun to or some nights to have fun. Stand up. If he goes out one weekend. You go out the next weekend. STop paying for all the childrens needs that is part of his job since he makes so much more than you do. Start paying yourself. Take 20% of your pay and start putting it away. When you get money for Christmas or birthdays , tuck it away . Make sure you always have some money tucked back. Thank God I did.
When you run out of money for things he will not know you have a little money sat aside. If you need money for something he gives you money for ask for $20.00 more.
Everytime you buy groceries get $20.00 in cash and put it away. You will be surprised how much you can save back.
Start taking time for you.
Or, ask him to have a weekend for the two of you together without the kids . Tell him you too need sometime together once a month. Plan a movie and dinner night with no kids.
But protect yourself with having a little money of your own. No manner how solid your marriage.

Answer 4

In most of the marriages I know the money is put into a joint account and the bills are paid. I don't know too many successful marriages that have separate accounts when one spouse makes a lot more then the other. Eventually the one that makes less becomes resentful of the one that makes more. Why get married if you are going to keep everything separate? I don't know how anyone could expect their spouse to live in almost poverty conditions, while they live the high life. It would make me feel like I was a hired maid giving him fringe benefits and I wouldn't be able to live that way for long. You should be equals in the relationship, he should want you to live at the same level as him, but as it is now, he's the one in control of everything, while making you do all the work. He is a selfish jerk.

Answer 5

If you have separate bank accounts I think that is your first problem. All the money should be going to the same place. You two need to sit down and pay all the bills together, then figure out what other expenses you have...
Once that is done I think you two need to start doing things as a family and not individuals. Sounds like your marriage needs an overhaul. If you don't think he will listen to your needs, Change the locks while he is gone. That will get his attention. Let him know you have some changes that need to be made and children that need a father, or this just isn't going to work. If you have to ask why you got married you to need to do some work on your relationship. Try and remember the feeling that drove you to get married, and get it back.

Answer 6

that entire situation makes me furious. you better get into that bank account of his and take yourself shopping and maybe house-hunting. how can you share your life with someone that doesn't share his money? and, by the way, doesn't respect you enough to want to do that?! i thought i had it bad because my husband hassles me a little about spending, but he would never ever ever think about not paying for groceries. i'm in school now and when i get out i will at least be making enough to compare to his salary. i would not be married to him right now if that was ever his attitude. good luck, but remember, if you make 2.5 times less than him that is all the more you will be collecting for those "incidentals" after you dump his selfish butt.

Answer 7

Tell him you will continue to pay for groceries but that since the children are his also he will need to start paying up for their activities and clothes and such. I am sure that you are the one who is taking them shopping and running them to classes using your gas and car so it is only fair that he take on the financial responsibility of it. If he doesn't like it remind him that he would have to pay these things through child support if you are gone. and if his little trips bother you now they are going to just get worse. Tell him he needs to number these outings and can only go when everything else is takin care of including you.

Answer 8

Start billing him for the things you do for him. You can't take a second job for taking care of everything else and he can ante up. Tell him its that or he can find a new wife.
And don't let him get off cheap! You need a raise!
Which would still be a bargain for him since child support and spousal support would kick him in the butt.

Answer 9

Your combined incomes are to be shared. You should have access to all the income not just your own paycheck. Your husband has no right to hoard his money or spend it on luxury vacations without you and the kids. A real man makes sure his family is not left wanting.

Answer 10

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