Is my husband an alcoholic?

Question

My husband has been drinking after work for 3 years. At first I thought nothing of it as he would come home and go to work. I have tried telling him to come home more often, but he says he needs to unwind and he can talk with work colleagues and get his point across - office politics etc. Recently I have noticed that he is going out a lot more, last week he was out on Tuesday, Weds, Thurs and Friday. This week Monday and last night. He doesn't get home from drinking until 1am - or later. Last Thursday he was so drunk he said he was puking falling over etc and ended up sleeping on some bar maids sofa in London. When he is sober he tells me how much he loves me, how I mean the world to him etc. I have asked if he is cheating and he has said no - I believe him. Is he an alcoholic or am I over reacting? He can be moody, cold, never wants sex, and says that I am the one with issues and just to let him be as he needs his space. At other times he is kind, caring, fun and loving.

What is a lush?

He comes home pretty drunk, I don't know how he could manage to have sex with someone else. I think he is hiding something as he has recently started deleting his calls and messages from his mobile. If he is cheating on me why doesn't he tell me? Why does he tell me how much he loves me etc? We don't have kids and he's had the opportunity to tell, he did say about sleeping on that bar maids sofa, he could have easily said he was cheating - so what's going on?

Answer 1

He has a drinking problem sweetie. It does not matter if he stays away from alcohol for months at a time ....if he drinks and it causes problems when he does do it.....he has an issue with it. I was married to an alcoholic for 25 years and I worked with alcoholics on a stress unit for quite some time. He needs intervention but as the old saying goes you can take the horse to the water but you can't make him drink! He has to want help in order for him to stop and at this point he thinks he hasn't got a problem with it. It is a progressive disease and will only get worse if he doesn't get treatment. All alcoholics run with the same psychological attitude and personality problems. They will drive the people around them half crazy and you don't want to become an enabler to their problem. Contact your medical doctor and inform him/her what is going on and ask him what steps you need to take to encourage him to get help for himself and for you to get the support in fighting this battle. Drinking distorts the thinking process and and he can't be trusted that if the opportunity arises that he will not be faithfull hanging out in bars where women are there to! Also that he may be driving a vehicle and could cause an accident that could endanger his life and that of others. If he drinks and drives and he were to cause an accident you could both lose everything you have and he could end up in prison time! It is not worth all you have to lose ....so intervene the best way that you can. Never discuss anything with him while he is drunk wait untill he is sobber and discuss that you need him to get help. Anytime even if it is only once a year that a person drinks and it upsets his life around him and would cause problems in a relationship ....Drinking is a problem for him if he does it. Untill he gets the help he needs ..you will always be on a roller coaster of feelings and emotions that hold no stability for anyone connected to him.Look for meetings in your community that offer alanon and attend one and you will understand what I mean. You are not the blame for his problems always rememer that . Most alcoholics when not drinking are fun,kind,caring and loving......and you do not need to let him be when about him going on his drinking binges when he wants to!!!! Don't accept this and enable him to go...give him an ultimatum that you will not tollerate this any longer and always do what you tell him you are going to do if he doesn't get help! Stand up to him while sobber and tell him you are willing to work with him in fighting this problem but if he doesn't do something about it you will not put up with it any longer. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 2

He has all the symptoms of an alcoholic. If he says he's not tell him not to drink for a month to prove to you and himself that he doesn't have a drinking problem. If he drinks within that month he is an alcoholic because they cannot resist the temptation when they have a drinking problem. At that time you must insist he get help of you're leaving. Alcoholics are totally different when they are drunk then when they are sober. A calm loving person will eventually turn abusive after drinking a while. They become totally differ net and do things they would never do sober (cheat, mental and physical abuse, lie, unreliable, etc.). Believe me, it won't get any better if he has a drinking problem, and it will seem like you're married to a 4 year old, nothing matters to them except their drinking. They are very irresponsible and eventually his job will see this and fire him and then house bills won't be paid, collection agencies will be calling you nonstop, and any money you do have will go to his drinking habit. I have seen too many friends go through this lifestyle and it always turns out the same way.

Answer 3

A lush is an alcoholic - especially one who gets really sloppy-drunk.

Yes. Your husband is - or is hell bent for leather to become - an alcoholic.

As to why he is an alcoholic? Well, it's hard to say. It could be inherited, it could be a way to run away from stress etc. One thing it is for sure - YOU didn't cause it. Nor can you stop it.

No matter how much you love each other, it will not "cure" his alcoholism. Love has absolutely NOTHING to do with it.

One thing you cannot do is nag. No amount of nagging will "cure" his alcoholism. Besides, you are not responsible for his behavior - he is.

You CAN, however, do a couple of things: Al-anon. It's a group for the loved ones of alcoholics and they can help you learn to live with his illness.

If I were you, I'd see a lawyer about what various rights and liabilities you have concerning insurance, house, children etc. because alcoholism will start to quickly take over his life - and ruin it - and yours too if you don't take precautions.

If you decide to stay with your husband - who I am sure has many good traits - be prepared for a roller-coaster of a life. It will be good. It will be terrible. You will move from house to house - job to job. The children will be unsettled and start to show signs of the stress. It will not be a good life. It never is.

If you decide to leave and take the children with you - it will have its own set of problems - but at least they will be sober problems - not drunk problems.

Remember, LOVE has nothing to do with addiction. Love has nothing to do whether you stay or leave. Love is something besides this addiction.

BUT the addiction is a chronic, incurable illness (all alcoholics are in recovery - they are never "cured.")

Again, I urge you to get into Al-Anon and Al-aTeen for any children.

And see a lawyer - you may be liable for any accidents he may cause while drunk.

Answer 4

As hard as it may be, you are going to have to take a stand. This is a man that you love very much and he is slowly destroying himself. Try going and talking to a counselor to figure out the best way for you to deal with the situation. Don't confront him about his problem while he is under the influence, wait until he is sober. If he is sober, he will remember the conversation and will be less likely to become violent. The sad thing is that you can't fix this problem. He has to realize he has a problem then you can stand behind him for support. If you don't take a stand you are supporting his habit in a lot of ways. As for the fact that he is cheating on you, he may be. However, he may not be too. First, I would do everything I could to get him help with the drinking before I started digging up dirt on him. Either way you are in for a long journey with this one. A counselor will be able to help you sort through your emotions with everything. Good Luck and I will send up a prayer for you.

Answer 5

nicely, this isn't any longer unusual for somebody to have a tumbler of wine with dinner each night, yet to drink 3 glasses on a daily basis after paintings means that that's extra a habit than an excellent flavor with nutrition. That he beverages plenty extra on weekends could mean he has lost, or is dropping, administration of his eating. you would be able to desire to insist that he give up eating to get buzzed. My wager is that he will arise to and say he would not have a project, meaning you have a project. If he refuses to give up or cut back returned, come to a decision to a close-by rehab sanatorium or Alcoholics nameless to ask for expert suggestion. If he's an alcoholic, I desire you nicely, yet you're in for some perplexing cases forward.

Answer 6

Sweetie, hate to be the one to tell you, but your husband is an alcoholic and hes cheating...There is a reason why he doesn't want to come home after work and spending time with his "work colleagues" is not the reason...Wake-up!!! His indiscretions are being done right in your face...

Update***

You know what kills me about married women is, just because your husband comes home at night and tells you he loves you, doesnt mean his @$$ isnt cheating...

Im only going to use your words that you said out your mouth, "but he says he needs to unwind and he can talk with work colleagues and get his point across - office politics etc. Recently I have noticed that he is going out a lot more, last week he was out on Tuesday, Weds, Thurs and Friday. This week Monday and last night. He doesn't get home from drinking until 1am - or later."

What man do you know goes out during a work week (Mon-Fri) to "unwind" with office colleagues? I dont know many and the ones who does are cheating. They use going out with friends as a cover-up... I bet you if meet him on his job one day after work, he wouldnt be to eager to go out with his colleagues... Just because he told you he got so drunk he passed out on some "bar maid soft" doesnt mean he's going to tell you he's cheating...

Again your words, "He can be moody, cold, never wants sex, and says that I am the one with issues and just to let him be as he needs his space. At other times he is kind, caring, fun and loving."

The signs are there that he is cheating and he using drinking as an excuse to go out to see the other woman... I cant tell you what to do in your relationship, as Im not married to either of you, but I can suggest to you, that you dont rule out the idea of him cheating.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Unfortunatly it sounds like he is becoming an alchoholic. When he is sober tell him how worried you are and try and get him to go to an AA meeting my dad became like this and AA really helped now he still drinks occasionally but knows when to stop. About him cheating it sounds like it could be possible but dont go making to many acusations before you have the facts Good Luck

Answer 8

If someone is cheating, they don't tell because they don't want to suffer the consequences.

Either your husband is cheating or he is in a depression and leaning towards becoming an alcoholic. I'm sure if you told him the drinking or you, he'd make a decision. Just be sure you're prepared to deal with whatever decision that is.

Answer 9

Sounds like an alcoholic to me.I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything but have your every thought that he may be cheating because I was always told that if your husband isn't sexing you that he is sexing someone. Are you sure that he is with co-workers or is that what he is calling his mistress?

Answer 10

Sounds like he is an alcoholic alright. Its a tricky situation because it will not get better untill he realises himself that he is an alchoholic. I have several friends who are alcoholics themselves and I like to get drunk at the weekends myself. I think you need to do something to make him realise that drink is ruining him