Me and my husband have been married since December. We have alot of issues with his ex-wife. Just a couple of weeks ago he was thinking about leaving me so I did not have to put up with his ex's crap any more. Well he decided the best way to deal with her is to take her to court. He paid the attorney half of the money and then never called him back or paid the other half. Last week he started to talk about buying a house. Right now we live in an apartment. I asked him if we could just wait a year because we have so much going on in our lives. He got upset and went to try and get a loan. Well he got one and we know the house we want because I seen it a few months ago and loved it. I am getting ready to get $16,000.00 for a workmans comp claim and he is getting ready to get $7,500.00 for half of his bonus for the army reserves. Well he wants me to put my money towards the house because he said he has bills to pay with his. Well I wanted my truck paid off. I just need some advice. Thanks
2007-05-16 19:38:56 · 11 answers · asked by melinda d 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OH no he is not the bread winner. I work too. I would say I make more than him after he pays his support each week.
2007-05-16 20:27:24 · update #1
I only owe $2,000 on my truck. I have seen his credit report and it is OK. He has seen mine. My name would not be on the loan because I just went thru bankruptcy a little over a year ago. Neither one of use really have any debt he wants to pay his car off. Which he owes almost $2,000 on it.
2007-05-16 20:35:21 · update #2
Well, let me just start off and tell you a little bit about myself. I'm a financial advisor and or loan officer. Some of the things you have to take a look at is your credit and your husbands credit. I deal with married couples on a daily basis that have absolutely no idea what their spouses credit report looks like. It's a blue print of your past. Now you mentioned he has an ex wife as well. If they are currently fighting this won't be good for you. If you both try to buy a house, she will be notified from Title. She could very well cause interfearence in purchasing a home. The second thing you mentioned was that you beloved almost left you a few weeks ago, and now everything is better and he wants YOU to to put YOUR money down so that you can have a house together and HE DOESN'T want to put anything down on this financial investment. Now think about this, if YOU put down all your money, he is left scott free to pay off his bills. What all that about? Here is one thing people get caught up with reguarding their finances. Credit Card Debt, Car payments, Other types of loans with banks. I can see it 1 year from now. You both will be refinancing your home because you are in too much debt, so you are then forced to refinace. One of the smartest things you can do is elliminate the highest monthly payment. Anything you owe to any bank shows up as how much debt you are in. The wisest descion you can make right now is ask yourself how much left of a balance do you have for your truck? I say pay off $5k toward your truck, put the rest in your savings account. When people move out from an appartment into a house its a whole different ball game! Do you have a back up plan if either one of you looses your job or is out of work for 6 months? so you have money put away to financially secure you for 6 months? I've been there hun. I moved out as soon as I got the chance with out having any type of assets and sure enough because I didn't have a back up plan I got screwed. Weeks ago he was ready to leave you, npw he wants you to buy a house and use your money as a down payment. If you move right now you are going to put yourself in more debt then you will be able to financially afford. Pay off the majority of your bills, put some money away for an emergency, let him pay down his bills and work your problems out. Purchasing a home right now isn't the best direction for you to go. I hope this info is helpful to you. Remember, you must look at the whole picture not what's just in front of you.... Please think this important descion through!!! Good Luck!!!
2007-05-16 20:05:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
from what you wrote it seems he is very selfish and he doesn't want to let go of the past if he wants to pay bills instead of paying for the divorce he going to be paying for on other divorce a house sounds great but the housing market is dropping in price,your turn pay off your truck girl you will at least be able to drive away if you only have a apartment or get a house but only if you can afford it all on your own because it sounds like he has things to take care of and you do and that's the problem you may be married but your not putting it all together it should be WE have bills to pay and pay for the truck next year the banks are going to have so many houses on their hands you will be able to get a good deal
2007-05-16 20:00:21 · answer #2 · answered by truck 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
#1 Ex-Wife: Why would he leave so you don't have to deal? Wouldn't you be the one to leave so you woudn't have to deal?
Advice on that one? Tell him to quit acting like a B*tch in that matter because that would be your job in the marriage NOT his. Also, regarding that matter...not sure how she is involved here and why she wasn't dealt with BEFORE ya'll got married but i will say this, either of you need NOT to be giving her the power of interrupting your "happy" marriage because after all that IS what she wants. Further, if you choose now to let him half *** it with the ex and not go through with erasing her out by following through and dealing with the court "battle" with her... it is going to follow you for many many many years into your marriage and well then that will be YOUR CHOICE.
Mk. You ASKED him if you could wait a year because all that was going on in your lives. So he got upset and got a loan? No no no no no! See, then at that point you don't ask anymore you grab your broomstick and TELL that man... WE are waiting a year because things are whacked!
And no no no no no no no no nooooooooooo............... playa please...he wants YOU to put YOUR money towards the house even though this isn't what YOU wanted to begin with and he is the one who ran out and got the loan in the first place?
My advice to you. Stand firm in what you want to do and what YOU KNOW is best for YOUR FAMILY. Behind every good man is a level headed woman.
I too got married in December, although i laid a foundation down waaaaaaaay before then, after the marriage i began to lay the bricks down and well let me just say this..there will be none of this nonsense about him telling me where MY money goes, even though it is OURS, i understand that... when i SAID NO, and if he went out and then said YES... puh.... oh heeeeeeeellllllll no... see **** don't fly like that in a marriage. Ya'll are on the same "team". He may be the bread winner, but you make it and bake it.
2007-05-16 20:02:58 · answer #3 · answered by LM 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is a lot going on in your relationship at t his time.
One of the main things that cause problems in a relationship is finance. Apparently you and your husband are not in the same ball park as far as you financial situation is concerned.
He is getting a lump sum or money and want to pay off debts. You are getting a lump sum of money and he want you to place it down on a house. You want to use your lump sum to pay off a vehicle loan.
Your name will not be on the mortgage loan application therefore not on the title deed unless you are added immediately after the mortgage loan and sales transaction close.You would need to inform the title company of your plans to be added to the title deed.
Under the current situation, it might not be a good idea to purchase a house at this stage of your relationship.
If your name is not on the title deed and even if you are in a community property state, by you not being on the mortgage application, you would be required by the mortgage lender to sign a quit claim deed indicating you would not have any interest in the property.
Not being on the title deed is not in your best interest. You would be subject to be legally removed from from the house if your husband goes into one of his rages. This would put you under constant stress.
The ex wife would not be involved in the sale transaction at all. No one know about her nor would anyone inform her of any information about this transaction.It would be a breach of information if someone outside the transaction is informed, by the loan officer, title officer, escrow officer or anyone connected or involved in this sale
transaction.
Reaffirm to your husband that you are not interested in the purchase of a house at this time in your relationship and you would not be placing any of your lump sum down as a down payment. Stick to your guns and do not change your stance.
I hope this has been of some benefit to you, good luck.
"FIGHT ON"
2015-09-14 12:11:00 · answer #4 · answered by loanmasterone 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't let his ex be an issue...let him deal with her how he needs ...I'm assuming there are kids involved...if he isn't ready to handle the stress of taking her to court, don't chastize him for it...
What is going to make him feel more secure is to solidfy his future with you - and for a man that means making a "homestead"...I think it will help you too because he won't be so quick to say he isn't worth being married to due to his ex...he's scared you are going to leave.
As far as the money....stop thinking of it as his and yours...you are married....it's "ours"...take the $23,500 split it in half and put half towards the house, and half towards all the bills...
what you also might consider is seeing if you can up the loan a little bit and pay off everything with the loan...credit cards, car...etc...
2007-05-16 19:47:54 · answer #5 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I agree that it seems like too many unresolved issues and your husband sounds like he is scattering his energy too much. I'd find out what the legal consequences might be if you do end up splitting up. It depends on your values as a couple, but it seems to me that no one should make big expenditures until you both put everything "on the table," and make a comprehensive plan for managing your resources and creating a solid financial foundation for your marriage.
2007-05-16 19:47:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you have doubts in your head wehter the two of you will work out - id hold off on buying a house. me and my ex husband almost bought a house less than a year before our divorce. once all was said and done and the end result was bieng single * alone i was glad we didnt buy the house. ti would have costed more in attorney fees to decide who gets the house and all that. i mean if u having doubts about the two of you just wait. dont be pressured into it.
2007-05-16 19:42:27 · answer #7 · answered by lady26 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like he isn't sure what he wants. i don't think it's a good idea to buy a house just yet, from what you wrote. i think you should trust your gut. he needs to deal with his ex wife and get whatever it is out of the way with her. a house is a lot of work and takes lots of money. it's better to go into it without extra debt. good luck with your decision!
2007-05-16 20:07:02 · answer #8 · answered by mrs. lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A house is a great investment, and now is the time to buy! And you can't beat a VA Loan, which is probably what he was approved for.
But before you do it, you two should go to a marriage counselor and a financial counselor. Don't let finances ruin your marriage. The military should have some counselor referrals for you.
2007-05-16 19:47:42 · answer #9 · answered by I do 26.2 4 · 0⤊ 4⤋
I think you should go with the house
rest is upon you
you know ur family status well and also ur husband:)
Best of luck
2007-05-16 19:47:52 · answer #10 · answered by Malook 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋