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We planed on getting married when i got out of the military. Then we found out that i would make more money if we got married while i was in. so we decided to get married while i was in and not tell any one about us getting married now. and tell everyone that we are going to get married when i get out

2007-05-16 15:42:36 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

24 answers

Hmmm, I have very mixed feelings about this because I had a friend do something similar (granted, not for military reasons, explained below) and very mixed things have happened.

She and her hubby got married becuase she was moving. FOr them, it was a "commitment gaurentee" type of thing. They only told a few people and then were going to have a wedding that would be the correct one/real one for everyone else.

Welp, her mom found out before their "real" wedding that they were already married. She was PISSED. Things were not real great with my friend and her mom before all this happened, now things are much worse.

The "real" wedding was nice, beautiful, etc. Mom went around and almost ruined it asking people that she knew knew about the other marriage (or thought she knew...luckily, she was right) and created lots of tension becuase she wanted people to agree with her.

The preacher had to be informed about the previous marraige, which didn't go over well either (marraige certificates).

His parents still do not konw...all of hers does, and resents it.

My advice, tell people and let them know. Have a second ceremony maybe, to ease some hurt, that you would have to feel out. I do not know how close you all are to everyone else, but I know my paretns wanted to be at my wedding, regardless of the situation and they wanted to be their for the original. Be prepared, people might be hurt.

HOWEVER, if you do not tell people, and then have a "real wedding" you run the risk of someone finding out and that will be worse.

2007-05-16 15:51:48 · answer #1 · answered by Lee Esi 3 · 0 0

There are reasons obviously besides the money factor as to why you didn't tell the parents. In an ideal world having a wonderful wedding where two families are all happy, no hang ups, etc. That may not be reality in this situation and I am sensing this.

If this is true, parents will be furious about not knowing, being invited (believe me I was on the receiving end of it myself), but they came around to it. We couldn't tell them the truth about complications of can't invite mum with step mum there, or something similar so we just said that we decided to keep it simple and sorry if we offended anybody. We love them all and we are both very happy.

These days quick weddings are part of then norm and if you wish to console the parents hold your third anniversary as a 'renewing your vows', with family and friends there.

You are both adults and have taken to commitment to be together. Stand together and may no man (person) tear you apart.
Together you are a tower of strength and besides your wife and your happiness is paramount in eyes as I can assure you your parents have the same view.
Let them know, be happy and any shock waves that come your way are bound to be only temporary tremors. Embark on your new life and let your family and friends experience seeing you both travel through life together.
Good luck and all the best. Congratulations

2007-05-16 15:56:29 · answer #2 · answered by Life of wisdom 2 · 1 0

How long do you really think you can keep this a secret? What if your wife ends up pregnant. You are adults. You can make your own choices. You should tell them out of respect to them and to honor yourselves enough to not be ashamed or feel that you have to live a lie. Don't ask for their blessing, just tell them how it is. Be a man. You are in the military and now you are married. Stand up and be proud of who you are and the choices you make for your life.

2007-05-16 15:47:39 · answer #3 · answered by Ilene W 4 · 0 0

Tell her parents you are her husband in the military. If you have the balls to get married than you should show your wife that she made the right choice and spill the beans. Keeping secrets will only create problems in the long run and hurt feelings.

2007-05-16 18:50:11 · answer #4 · answered by hockeyfox05 1 · 0 0

Lol...LoL ...go home on leave and throw a party. Get everybody nicely brewed up, and then just mention it casually like it's not a big deal. Really it isn't now...what you gonna do ? get unmarried already? They are not going to be butt-hurt or mad forever. They are not going to kill you; if they threaten you, tell them really-quick she is pregnant that will get you off the hook for a couple of months then tell them that is was a false alarm but since you got married anyways they should pay for a kick-*** weding party...
Just don't burn her...she now has you by the balls.

2007-05-16 16:05:07 · answer #5 · answered by Infierno! 2 · 0 0

well, your parents may be upset that you did not tell them that you guys got married but i think they deserve to know and would eventually find out anyways.. So rather than waiting for them to hear the news on their own you should break it to them.. and just explain the circumstances.. Im sure theyd understand .. parents have unconditional love for their children anyways .. Good luck

2007-05-16 15:46:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

They will probably figure it out. You could have a nice big ceremony for the families when you get out so they feel included, or maybe a reception or something. It might soften the blow. Their feelings might be hurt, but it was ultimately up to the both of you. Families like to be included, but sometimes you just have to do it.

2007-05-16 15:47:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

oooooooooo not good .......there gonna be pissed if there anything like my mother and father in law ummmmm eventually ur gonna have to tell em cuz there gonna notice sumtin when her last name is same as urs lol but anyway just keep it cool and just tell em u was acting in the better interest of both of u



Or u can do this....get a divorce and get back together and have another wedding lol just leave out the whole hating part and dont tell em u was ever married

2007-05-16 15:47:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

I think you should tell them. No real reason to keep it a secret. You got married. Let's celebrate (when you get home).

2007-05-16 15:44:54 · answer #9 · answered by TotalRecipeHound 7 · 1 0

Well you should be honesty with her parents there is nothing like finding out your daughter got married and didn't want to tell the parent. You don't have to tell no one else but please go ahead and tell the parents/

2007-05-16 15:47:50 · answer #10 · answered by kool aid 3 · 0 0

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