My husband and i are seperated. We got married at the spur of the moment during a seperation and guess what, we are seperated again. We have been seperated since summer of last year, two months after we said i do. I found out he was cheating during a three week seperation ( the first time) and I am sure it didnt just manifest. It was the same chick I thought he had something before seperation.
My point is to much damage has been done in my view of things. I am getting the help I need to cope with all the damage done from this disfunctional relationship. I want to believe him but the truth is I dont believe in him. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie to me. I dont know what to do when he just pushes the issue that we will make it lets just try again. I feel i have no more inside to work with on us. I hate that he comes to visit the kids and makes it look like we are together again. I have a std to remind me of what he is really about. Am I wrong about him or is it presu
2007-05-16 15:30:00 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Am i wrong or is it pressure?
How come he cant just let go?
I have girls still telling me he is a flirt or acts as a single dude. But like with everything else he denies it.
I ask him to take a lie detector test and he refuses. (not that i could do this anyways, where would i go for this.)I ask why he refuses and he says he dont know. I dont know. I dont trust him and i dont want to get back with him.
2007-05-16 15:32:05 · update #1
From what you say, it seems to me that you know your husband is all wrong for you and is simply not marriage material. Your husband is incapable of being in an exclusive relationship with you. He wants to have his cake and eat it to and, till this point, has been able to do so.
If you cannot believe your husband; if you think he's a liar and a cheat; if he refuses a polygraph (a private investigator can set one up for you); then he is unwilling to earn your trust. Trust is something that is earned by doing the right thing. Your husband has done all of the wrong things and does not deserve your trust. Has he apologized for betraying you? Asked for forgiveness?
It will be hard for you to stand up for yourself and not give in again. He's trying to wear you down. You are (most likely) emotionally drained. He's using the kids to get his way (he's acting nice to you in front of them, making them happy) and you don't want to ruin it for them. Once again, he is being selfish and disrespectful (by not respecting your answer of no reconcilation). He is trying to pressure you back into the relationship.
If you think you want to get back together, take it slow. Don't let him move back in immediately. Let him earn the right to be your husband. Make him show you that he really wants the marriage to work.
2007-05-16 16:04:53 · answer #1 · answered by Susan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to understand that he hurt you. He can't just go and erase hurt and damage that he has caused. There are some people like that, they figure they can say or do what they want and then act like nothing happened. That's great that your doing what you need to do to get over this. I'd just tell him he's caused a great deal of hurt and damage and he's left scars in your heart. He needs to understand what's he's done. That there are going to be consequences for his actions and that those actions affect others. So my advice is to tell him to give up with his trying to come back and go use this energy on someone else cause you just don't have the time for it and right now you need to focus on you not his bs.
2007-05-16 22:40:32 · answer #2 · answered by babieshay27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of the children, try and remain friends with this man, but trust him? NO You don't need a lie detector to know when you are being hamstrung. There's a little voice deep in side us that acts as a warning. I call it the Holy Spirit, He directs me.
Some call it intuition, a hunch, a funny feeling. At anyrate, it tells you when someone is lying to you.
2007-05-16 22:38:47 · answer #3 · answered by JUJUBABE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think you're wrong. he's given you reason to believe that he is a liar. show him that you are moving on, have a date over the next time he comes over, send yourselves flowers, show him you don't need him anymore. when he is there, for the kids sake, don't yell at each other, but you can tell him not to kiss you or act like you two are together, just tell him you don't want to confuse the kids, becuase then they might grow up and think it's ok for mom and dad to live in two different houses. and i must say, once he cheats he can't take it back. no matter how much he wants to take it back, or wish he could go back in time. the thing is, he should have thought about it before it happened, and believe me, people can say no and choose not to cheat. good luck.
2007-05-16 22:44:02 · answer #4 · answered by annlyvqp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have answered you own question. Be strong, and make a decision and then stick to it.
This is your problem. You are giving him mixed messages when you listen to his lies and ask him questions, giving him the idea that you might be considering taking him back. You have just said that you don't want to, that he lies, that you hate him visiting the kids, that he cheats.......he is a loser, and if you hook up with him again, you are setting yourself up, cheating the kids and mostly cheating yourself by losing the opportunity to look for a 'really good guy' and they are out there.
The trick is ...walk away, and act like you mean it and don't give in. Come on...you can do it.
2007-05-16 22:38:58 · answer #5 · answered by Nisey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now your going through a lot of stress. You need to slow down and take a break and think of your plans and see if they are right and what you should do next. Making hasty decisions when stressed can come back to haunt you later. If you don't love and trust him anymore, make him see your serious by filing for a divorce, what good will it do to drag it out anymore? Your children need you and their father, so try to work together instead of againist each other.
2007-05-16 22:51:57 · answer #6 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, u couldnt be wrong! Just dont listen to him anymore. Fullstop. Drop the idea of lie detector or what not. Just cut him loose...Leave him. He is good with his sweet talk SO dont spend time alone with him. U said it clearly that the marriage failed. So hold ur head up high and move on...dont look back! Be strong and dont let him manipulate U. Good luck.
2007-05-16 22:47:57 · answer #7 · answered by ni2penang 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him how you feel, and do what you need to do to get on with your life
2007-05-16 22:41:00 · answer #8 · answered by arizonaprincess2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋