what would you do if you were me?

Question

I have been thrown threw ringer with my fiancee quite a few times over little things these past few weeks and he is constantly getting upset with me over little things and it really hurts my feelings....I don't have fun with him anymore, I mean I understand we have been together for 5 years and we have two children together but I don't get thefact that he is always complaining....I try to do everything I can think of to keep him from having anything to complain about but he ALWAYS finds something that irratates him and gets him going....we are getting married in 2 months and I have been waiting for this for what seems like FOREVER but I want to find a way to make things easy going and calm and exciting (mentally and sexually) what can a girl do to change this aggravating behaviour without having to leave the relationship???

Answer 1

Hey Sam, don't fret too much until you need to. It might be a HUGE case of cold feet, but I think you need to find out for sure.

You said it's been going on for the past few weeks. Is that the whole story? If so, then it's time for a real heart-to-heart talk.

If you've trusted him enough to be with him for the last five years, and vice versa, maybe you should try to find a time that's best and simply talk frankly. You may want to tell him how you feel bad when you've upset him, but it upsets you just as much when he gets so mad.

It may be necessary to ask him if he wants to put off the marriage. If that thought makes him mad, too, then something's up, Sam.

I really hope that's not the case, but can you afford not to know? It sounds like you've done most everything else you could, so now it's time to find out. Maybe it will jolt him into the reality that you may be the best thing that's ever happened to him.

I hope so.

Answer 2

Go to a great therapist for counseling-it's really a great way to start some dialog between you and your fiance.
It's amazing the things that can be changed so easily. Some things aren't so simple to change and somethings just won't change and then you learn how to work through those things.
I wouldn't get married though until you two have figured somethings out.
And you know-things aren't always great or easy in relationships. You are TWO people-and he's a guy and you are not-there are fundamental differences that you need to understand.

Answer 3

well first of all if it just started ,then maybe its the stress of the wedding ?
However if it has been like this the whole time Oprah Winfrey had a show about this very thing a few days ago...A controlling husband who never was Happy about anything his wife did!
He became abusive both mentally and physically...you don't want that and neither do your kids need it!

so make sure that it is not a on going thing! if you are not sure maybe you need to hold off the marriage to see how it will goe for a while?
Plus you shouldnt have to walk around on egg shells all the time for anyone!

Answer 4

It sounds as if you could use some time a lone. Get someone to watch the kids and go out. Have dinner or go dancing but make sure you have some time to talk. Maybe he has something on his mind and needs to talk or just to be reassured. He may need a little attention from you right now and does not know how to tell you. So try some a lone time to talk.

Answer 5

Boy....is he just getting nervous about going through with the wedding? A paper commitment, sometimes, just gets these guys all uptight in the shorts. You should know, though, if he is really upset, nervous, trying to break up or what. 5 years is pretty significant. Try to get him to talk to you and get to the bottom of it all--before the wedding. You might be in for a surprise and wish you had done a little 'probing'. good luck. If you aren't having fun and things aren't good....maybe you need to reconsider and push the date out until you are sure.

Answer 6

Sit him down and tell him you need to know if you've done anything wrong and if not you need to know what you can do to make things easier for him. Tell him you love him and you are marrying him to be his partner and best friend not just his wife and you want to do every thing in your power to make his life as happy as you possibly can. When you say this say it from your heart tell him you won't rest untill he lets you help because he means that much to you. Now if he keeps it up don't be his door mat. He can either help you help the situation or he can make it worse if its worse at least you've done all you can do to make a life with him and he will be the one who loses.

Answer 7

Maybe the marriage thing is bugging him. I would make a pros and cons list of what is it about him that is making me want to marry him and hopefully come to a conclusion that it isnt about the kids. Kids are important, dont get me wrong, but marriage should be for more reasons than the kids. Maybe he isnt on this page or maybe you arent totaly on this page. Otherwise the pressure wouldnt be so high, is what i think.

Answer 8

don't get marriad unless he has proven himself worthy to have you. he will either rise to the challange, or fall away. and you find the one for you. don't lower your standards.

a good book to read is The 5 Love Language. it may really help. or go to premaritial counseling. my wife and i did, and it was the best thing we could have done.

if he's not willing to do whatever it take to make you happy and feel loved, then he's not the man for you. he's not even a man in my book.

you can't go through life worrying about every little thing making him mad. he needs to grow up and learn to deal with it, you don't need to grow down to him.

there are many great christian book out there to help. and many good people. learn what you mean to God and compare that to how your man's treating you.

Answer 9

}erhaps the problem is that you have found Mr Right, spent five years with him and given birth to two of HIS children and now you realize that he is not going to be changed by you. Think back, is he different now? I doubt it but if so talk it out. Maybe he is spooked by the finality of getting married. then again, maybe you are, if "little things" hurt your feelings so much.

Answer 10

I don't mean to be negative but it could be that he is nervous about geting married or that he is seeing someone else. If in his behavior you can't do anything to make him happy or he is always arguing over nothing-maybe just to keep discord between you two- I would check that out.