If you were in an unhappy marriage...?

Question

If you were in an unhappy marriage that produced 2 kids but the marriage was filled w/ verbal abuse & isolation and you had no money & no friends & no family willing or able to help you out so you could leave & you didn't want to lose all your stuff by going into a shelter what would you do to leave? Serious answers only please.

I can't stay w/ any of my friends because they can't take me & my 2 kids in & some are like me & don't drive. Only family that i have that is still alive is my mom & she is now married to my husbands biological dad so no help there they said well as long as he doesn't beat you are ok.

Answer 1

save up money somehow to leave. i know how you feel I've been stuck in this situation for years, now I have been relieved as my sister has a house she is gonna sell me. Get a loan if you can, take your stuff when he isn't home and put it in storage and only take what you need to a shelter till you can get your life situated and get a place of your own.

Answer 2

I don't think I understand the question. I have been married for 11 years. I can honestly say that we've alot of hard times that most people don't have and we've still managed to stay together. That being said. No marriage is happy 100% if the time and it should never be expected to be. Unhappy marriages can be from a number of reasons and if it's that unhappy then ask why they stay together and if it would be better to split. No one deserves to be unhappy

Answer 3

Everyone has a purpose in life. Lets face it. Even the world needs ditchdiggers. So..with that gem stuck in your mind think about this. You have the first solution to your problem. What you've laid out by baring your soul is that your life is not one.
You are verbally abused. Not as painful physically as being beaten but no one likes to be degraded, belittled and made insignificant. To be made well aware that your opinions don't matter. He holds out money and finally..alone. You may as well be on a deserted South Pacific island..and think...you actually are except there's no damn sun and surf.
My choice. The shelter. Losing your stuff is negligble. It can always be replaced. What are you going to lose? A stereo? A car? Clothes? If you have grandma's pearl necklace or anything else that's of sentimental value to you...pack it. Forget Great Grandma's oak table. Take what is precious and small and go. Take the kids too.
Understand this...so we're perfectly in synch. This won't happen overnight. To escape from this hell means you have to plan. Secret away money. Pack slowly...or have what you need nearby and ready to go...make a list.
If you feel trapped...you have to escape. To escape without a plan is foolish. Nothing good comes of those who jump off and go without something solid in mind.
Make phone calls while he isn't around. get things set up with a shelter..and go.
There are plenty of social service agencies that you can contact. You can get the oppurtunity to go to college for a song. Do it and start planning.

Answer 4

Well, the reality of the situation is that you need money to set yourself up. You have a few options open to you. You dont necessarily have to go into a shelter. There are organisations that will help you get your finances together to help you move...even provide the furniture you need. The Salvation Army, The Samaritans and other charitable organisations have the resources to help you. You can use one or all of them. I wouldnt be worrying too much about your "stuff"....that can always be replaced, but getting back your self esteem and peace is not all that easy. Maybe you wont have the nice furniture you have at "home", but at least you will be away from the abuse. You are not doing you or your kids any favours by staying in an abusive relationship. You have to ask for help and I think you will be surprised at just what resources are available to you. Ring up a crisis line and tell them of your situation and they will be able to give you the telephone numbers of the organisations that will be able to help you. Also, go to your local church, even if you arent a religious person and speak to the Minister, they too, can help out. What about government resources like social security....have you looked into that?

There is help out there for you, you just have to ask for it. Alternatively....open up a secret bank account and keep the information hidden well....maybe at an acquantance or friends house and start putting whatever money you can into it each week.....$20 here, $10 there....it will soon add up.

You dont have to put up with abuse, and once you finally make the break...your husband will be required to pay you child support....so its not all bleak....you do have a future. You just have to put up your hand and ask for help.

Whoever told you that if he doesnt hit you then its OK, has no idea of what abuse is. I would much prefer a smack in the mouth than being constanting being downtrodden....the damage physical violence does, heals, but the emotional damage is sometimes irrepairable. Violence abuse does kill women....but so does emotional abuse because they can get so low that the only way they see out of it is suicide. Abuse is abuse and anyone who tells you differently needs education.

I wish you well.

Answer 5

I'd say, 'work on the unhappy marriage' and check back in 5 years and see if you still feel the same way about leaving. Do something about the verbal abuse, the isolation, the lack of friends, and engage your family in helping you deal with all of the above.
See a counselor or the pastor of your church.
Do something but for the sake of keeping your family together, I would stay with it and put some effort into it.

Answer 6

Sighs. This is a story of what my mother went through with 3 young girls. I was 6, and he beat her. And from a child's experience, let me tell you, you need to leave. Children don't need to witness this and I ask you.. please think of their future. Some things they just DON'T forget... Ever, and I'm 23 now.. Okay, I know it's hard to think of the things you'll lose, but if you stay, you'll lose much more. Get out while you can (when he's at work or something). You wouldn't want to contact his family neither. You'll be better to start off somewhere new, where no one knows either of you. Shelters can really help you. Items can always be replaced, but lives can not. Good Luck & God Bless!

Answer 7

I agree. Plan your escape. You have put up with it this long a little longer won't be impossible. Especially if you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Go girl. Don't stay there. I can tell you the damage to you is immense and the damage to your kids is even more so. The only advice other than that that I can offer is be prepared for the loneliness you will experience after. It passes but is hard to take in the meantime. Especially that from your kids.

Answer 8

I would start preparing myself for the rest of my life. Learn to drive as soon as possible, and look into getting a job as soon as you can drive. Stuff is just stuff, but you do have to provide for your children. You can probably get child support and maybe even some alimony for awhile. If the marriage is so bad, then you may have leave first and start out with some help from a shelter, but don't let another day pass without starting to prepare yourself. PS: Do you still have feeling for this man, and if so, seek some professional assistance as he will want to change if he knows he may have to pay all these expenses. Marriages can turn around, but only if both partners seek to work it out, so cross this bridge first, and if it doesn't work then your attorney will get you the best deal he/she can so you can have the ability to get on your feet. Good Luck.

Answer 9

I'm sorry.... First, take a deep breath and ask urself: Which one u want, to be under the same roof and keep hating each other every moment u c each other OR in a shelter surrounded by new faces that MAYBE could become ur friends. Remember, even in reality, money cannot buy happiness. So, my opinion is, take leave and start a new life. Even with a small income, if u r able to settle bills, that's enough to bring smiles to ur face. I didn't say it's going to be easy, but u hv to be determined and strong. Only u can help urself, none other! Love urself first... Good luck dear.

Answer 10

Hey Am, I can't solve your problem all I can do is say that I know where you are coming from and my heart and thoughts are with you. We all have to deal with our own problems the best we know how. You seem to be in the same position as me and it is very hard to just give up everything we have accummalated after a period of time. I, unfortunately decided to stay. I am middle aged and because of the stress have recently had a stroke which has given the husband a big kick, because he has to do everything, but I still don/t think he has realised what he has done to me. If it is at all possible try to find a way out before you become another me. All my thoughts and love go with you. I wish you had family (brothers, sisters, cousins) to turn to.

Answer 11

Just do it leave now before you waste any more time . I waited and waited and had the same question and 2 kids and it was horrible . I eventually moved in with my mom and all she had was a couch so it sucked horribly but in 2 weeks social services (state) helped me get on my feet and into an apartment and a job all of it in 2 weeks and i was soo happy i did it is very hard not to go back cuz its hard on your own but i got through it and 6 yrs later i found a wonderful loving man my hubby that would never hurt a flea and 2 more kids and have my little house on the prarie lol. but do it now and get it done and over with so you can get back to a normal life if not for you for your kids !!!! the longer you stay the more messed up your kids get from it all . hope it helps