Help with editing my paper...10pts best answer...?

Question

I feel that this is too boring..how can i make this more interesting?

My eyes danced across the room as I watched more and more people began to gather into the compact room..Everyone who entered was not like anyone who entered the room before them. Each and every person appeared to have their own personal style. Vibrant colors drew my eyes to one girl who made her way to the back of the room. She walked with a confidence that both amazed and surprised me. I never dreamed that this many people would ever show up to a poetry reading. AS it got closer and closer to seven o clock, my heart began to speed up and I could feel the beat of my heart in my ears, and I was pretty sure that the people sitting next to me were aware of the loud thumping. For a second, just before I entered the small building, every single particle of my being screamed for me to turn around and go back home, but I sot of enjoyed knowing that I would be with people who had the same interests as I did for a change

Answer 1

My eyes danced around the compact room with anticipation as I watched the restless crowd expand with newcomers every minute. The crowd was like a garden seeded by a mad gardener with a profusion of different colors, textures and sizes! And then my eyes were drawn to a white rose... With a confident walk that sent her long white locks swinging down her back she made her way to the northern corner and a tall oak standing solidly in a cable knit sweater of black with brown trim. It would have been enough that she had shown up for the poetry reading, but it pleased me that the room was filled even so. My heart beat out the final minutes to 7 o’clock when we were advertised to start. The tension and excitement made me feel faint with a strong desire to flee to the cooler air of the night, but mastering my urges I remained. It would be a wonderful night!

Answer 2

Here are some changes I made. I hope it helps.

My eyes danced across the room as I watched more and more people began to gather into the compact room. Each person was different from the next, all having their own personal style. (Use a metaphor) drew my eyes to a girl in vibrant (name specific colors) colors walking to the back of the room. She walked with a confidence that both amazed and surprised me. I never dreamed that this many people would ever show up to a poetry reading. As the clock ticked closer to seven o clock, my heart began to beat like tick of the clock, and I could feel the thump of my heart echoing in my ears. I was pretty sure that the people sitting next to me were aware of the loud thumping. For a second, just before I entered the small building, every single particle of my being screamed for me to turn around and go back home, but I sort of enjoyed knowing that I would be with people who had the same interests as I did for a change.

Answer 3

Well...I am the head copy editor at my school newspaper....so lets give it a whirl. :)

My eyes danced across the room as I watched more and more people steadily clamber into the compacted room. Everyone who entered was nothing like the person before. Each guest appeared to have their own personal style. Vibrant colors drew my eyes to one girl who made her way to the back of the room. She walked with a confidence that both amazed and surprised me. I never dreamed that this many people would ever show up to a poetry reading. As it got closer and closer to seven o'clock, my heart began to speed up...I could feel it in my ears and I was pretty sure that the people sitting next to me were aware of the loud thumping. For a second, just before I entered the small building, every single particle of my being screamed for me to turn around and go back home, but I sought the company of people who shared the same interests that I did for a change. -----This is where I added.----- I steadily climbed the stairs, gripping the arm rail as I made my way to the coffee house door. The smell of perkilating coffee tickled my nose and I ventured further inside. Poem in hand, I walked up to a man who looked like he knew what he was doing. He had a microphone in hand and was dressed all in black. He rieked of alcohol. I told him that I had a poem that I would like to read and he said that I would be going up first. He walked me to the stage, handed me the mic and murmured something that resembled good luck. ----Here is where I would add your part...and then continue. Good luck!

Answer 4

First of all...

"begin to gather"
remove one period after "room"
"Everyone who entered was different and unique."
"Everyone appeared to have a personal style" (Everyone is singular, their is plural, and his and her is awkward.)
"As seven o'clock drew nearer, my heart began to speed up, and I could feel its beat drumming in my ears. It was so loud, surely the people sitting next to be could hear the loud throbbing."
"...go back home, where I spent so many lonely evenings surrounded by strangers. But the desire to be with people who shared my interests for a change drew me inside."