What are some ways to minimize the potential for regret when making tough decisions?

Question

"How can anyone be sure that the decisions they make are going pan out in the long run? Nothing is a sure thing, and it’s easy to feel the pangs of regret when the grass appears to be greener elsewhere."

I blogged about this on the Answers Blog: http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-d8pH0dcoRKeB12yOcnUQp.9VCFos?p=21979

Answer 1

I am going to come at this from a psychological angle, as that is where my training lies:

1. I am going to assume that the person has already gone through the steps to ensure a wise and informed decision, as outlined in previous (great) answers before mine: collect all the information beforehand; assess what you want and need out of the situation; act in a way that gets you what you want and need; make a pros and cons list; etc.

2. The question of regretting a decision after it is made is more of a psychological one. Fear of regret over making a "bad" decision can actually have a negative impact on our ability to make decisions. Fear of regret can lead to procrastination about making the decision, and an unwillingness to take risks that could pay off.

To avoid that regret, there are two things that a person could do. The first is the first point, making an informed and well-thought out decision. The second is to recognize the potential for regret and to overcome it with some positive self talk. A person could say to themselves, "I made the best decision possible based on what I know," or "This is really what is best for me based on what I want and/or need right now."

After a decision is made, people actually have a tendency to disregard evidence that their decision is not the right one. This would also be a mistake, and it is related to the fear of regret. We don't want to regret our decisions and have a hard time admitting when we are wrong.

The trick would be to take a fear of regret out of decision-making as much as possible. That would entail not feeling guilty and beating yourself up about possibly making a bad decision. Possible self-talk could be things like, "I might make a mistake, but everyone makes mistakes. If I do make a mistake, I will do my best to correct it." And then re-evaluate the decision and take the necessary actions.

You'd also have to take into account the consequences of possibly making a bad decision. The consequences of wearing the wrong kind of shoes with your outfit are not nearly as serious as the consequences of, say, wrongly deciding not to take a bomb threat seriously. That is when the "well-informed and well-thought out" decision making process should be emphasized.

Answer 2

Because we have children (all young adults), we tend to pose the "tough questions" to a larger group, so there's more input and less chance to gloss over parts of the process that I may not personally like to look at (usually involving expenses or realistic logistics - I really believe I can be in three places at once!!). More people keeps you accountable and more likely to look at the situation from more sides if not all. My spouse and each of my kids are really different in how they ask questions, make decisions and come to concensus. Because you can process something for too long, though, we do set a time limit on when the final decision needs to be reached.
The important thing here is, if something about the decision goes wrong (like the boss at the new job is a jerk, or the new town we moved to doesn't have a good bookstore) - you never blame the folks that helped you reach the decision. Flip side - LOTS of kudos when things go right or even better than you could have hoped.
Good luck!! (and prayer NEVER hurts either)

Answer 3

If I have to make a decision between two things which seem equally important and good and I know it is going to be a really tough decision, I usually sit down and firstly write pros and cons of both. then I also make a Regret Table. What is this regret table, when I have written the pros and cons I make two seperate tables , a Cons Table and a Pros Table. This table has rows and columns like a usual table Put the Cons of one decision in the rows and the Cons of other in the columns. now write out which desicion with which Con will make you regret taking that desicion the most. Similarly do the Pros table. When I reach the conclusion I compare the two tables and see which one is the most regrettable decision. Meaning that If I take that step or decision am I going to regret the most. so this is how I take really tough decisions.
But there is one thing that I would like to say...because you have literally answered your own question "the grass always seems greener on the other side"
So remember that whatever decision you take you might make you will have some twinges of regret which says "What if". This is natural human tendency. What one has to do in this situation is that we must at all times have confidence in ourselves and go ahead with whatever decision one has made. This ensures that you will be successful in whatever you do if you show confidence in yourself!
So whatever Decision you make Have confidence that it was the BEST DECISION!!

Cheers

Answer 4

First, you must know your True Will. That is not as easy as it sounds, because it means you must reflect on what your real goals are, what your real moral values are. So let's say you've done some work on this, and figure you know pretty much what you consider truly important.

The best way is to write a list of pros and cons for the two decisions. Four columns: for plan A, against plan A, for plan B, against plan B. Not everything which is for plan A is automatically against plan B, or vice versa. Sometimes you are really looking around for plan C, or for "none of the above.

Now when you read the columns over, use a highlighter pen or two (or if you're very 21 century and have done this on the computer, use bold and italics) to emphasize the most important points in each column.

If it still looks pretty even, ask a trusted adviser to go over it with you.

Answer 5

Greetings.
If you Look at our Lives as Experiences, Obstacles, opportunities. to explore, and work through. Sometimes alone but often with others. So at the conclusion of it, wether it be relationships, jobs, decisions, we feel more fullfilled ,whole individuals ready to move on to more enlightened experiences. so on and so on..Understanding that none of them are failures, even if it seems like a disaster and regrets accompany it.. Remember out of chaos and failure comes enlightenment and success.The most successful people are those who failed many times, but never gave up, kept on trying.We learn from our failures. Success is the icing on the cake. It's the journey and how you personally deal with it.
That's important.. So put regrets behind and leave them in the Past, they are negative emotions and stunt ones growth..
2. At the time you make your decision you are are unaware of future outcomes, all you can deal with is, what you know and have learned up to that point.. As they say hind sight is 20- 20. So look forward to your next decision knowing you did the best with what you knew at the time..
3. One very good indicator to help you know if your Decision is going to be the right one or is the right one.. Is To think about it. If it's RIGHT YOU'LL GET, A WARM POSITIVE FEELING ABOUT YOUR CHOICE AND SMILE..
If the choice ISN'T THE RIGHT ONE..Then YOUR JAW WILL CLENCH UP, AND A NEGATIVE FEELING WILL BE THERE..
Try it you've nothing to lose. We don't listen to our intuision enough, even when it's shouting at us to make the right choice.
Well I'm sure this answered your question He! He! He! go try it and see just how well it works.
Ciao Lynda

Answer 6

Omg!
I just went through this same dang! thing.
Working for one company, ,"X" ammount of dollars, pr. Hr. ...
And then someone mentioned a job opening, they said, they wouldnt ask for less than,"X'.
About $5.00 pr. hr. more then I was making, but no benefits.
But I was sure I would be able to move up, a five dollar an hour raise sounded really great, and I thought that was good enough, to replace the bennies I would have in just about another week or so...
@ 35 yrs. old, I think I am pretty sure about myself, and my decisions.
I took the other job.
It didn't pan out as planned.
I called my old job back, came back to work for them.
I realized at the end of my 1st day back, last Tue. that I was on the bottom of the Seniority list, my bennies were GONE!!! and I was back to a Sub- Driver, no longer a Hired on, driver.
I panicked, got depressed, didn't sleep well that night...No call no show the next day, associated with the depression I was experiencing.
They called me, left a message, and I went in and worked that Wed. afternoon...
I had a misersble 3 days back at that job, and I had a little problem yesterday.
I called in and Quit this morning.
Well I said, on an answering machine..."This is "x", I will not be comming in, Ever".
They kept calling me this morning, starting around 7.
I finally answered the phone about an hour ago...11.
I said, without putting my ear to the phone, just my mouth.
I will not be comming back. Quit calling me!
So now I am Jobless...

So to answer the Question...
Maybe I shoulda' said a prayer to God, and asked Him about leaving the initial Job first, or atleast prayed about it.
Then again, I suppose Icould have went to the Lady with the Crystal ball.
I do not think there is anything you can do.
We do not have an Oracle, we can consult.
You just have to go with your own gut feeling, and learn from your mistakes.
It upset me really bad to hear, that , I lost everything, when I took my old job back.
And so with that, and the incident, which took place last night...
I knew I was just not happy there in the first place.
So, wth?
DJH
Wow, I just got the 5 dollar an hr. more Job back...
So see...Go With Your Gut Feeling.
Amazing.
My other boss just called, and wow, just like...... COOL!!!!

Answer 7

Dear Mario:
If you can honestly say the matter your contending with in any given moment will have real life IMPACT five years down the road first and foremost DONT just pray.
Seek out a trusted friend PREFERABLY a non-lawyer INITIALLY such as a family priest or other spiritual ad visor.
If after giving said ad visor ALL the facts and you feel in your heart your course of action is the right one NOT JUST FOR YOU, than by all means proceed and like Harry S Truman lose not a wink of sleep over your decision.
Sincerely,
John P Quinn
[e-mail]

Answer 8

I like to do a best and worst scenario and get really out to the edge of the worst. Then, if I can think of nothing that I simply could not tolerate, I decide to go with no regrets at all. If the negative consequences are obviously intolerable, I back off. Either way, be decisive: make the decision and NEVER waste time second guessing, guilting or "shoulding" on yourself.

Answer 9

1. Look at all the long-term factors that influence the situation. Not easy to do.

2. To the best of your ability evaluate those long-term factors, relate them to eachother in a way that creates a "power" ladder, that is, one factor will eventually predominate over all others.

3. Disregard those you have no influence over... And finally,

4. Choose that one.... the one, the most powerful factor/influence which favorably influences your personal situation.

5. Stick to your decision until circumstances prove you have made the correct decision or not.
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"Solving long-term problems generally makes short-term issues take care of themselves."

When I need to look at a serious problem, I take a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle, then list the positive on one side and negative characteristics on the other, and then prioritize them. In your case, choosing between two things, I would draw another line down each half and list the positives and negatives regarding each business.
The most important characteristics, say the top three in each, will help you determine not just the problem, but help you determine how you think about it - and that may be the most valuable lesson of all.

Answer 10

Best to just follow your heart to avoid regret as much as possible. Making a Pro vs. Con sheet, (with a line down the centre of the page) can be very helpful since it is all there in black and white. You could also show it to someone else who is successful in their all-around life, and has judgement you trust. But be aware that even doing so, regret can easily spring up by doing what you think is the right thing, and that usually happens when you help someone else only to find out they don't appreciate what you did. In the end, I believe regret comes from going against what you feel is natural and feels right. If your conscience hounds you, it's time to set things right as best you can and move on.