My friend wants to runaway. What should I tell her to stop her?

Question

My close friend is having problems at home and is considering running away. I'm sure her problems aren't as bad as she says, but I have no way of knowing. I only have until May 30 to convince her to stay, but I'm not sure how or if I should. When she told me she was near tears, so something serious might have happened, but she won't tell anyone because she's scared. What should I do?

My close friend is having problems at home and is considering running away. I'm sure her problems aren't as bad as she says, but I have no way of knowing. I only have until May 30 to convince her to stay, but I'm not sure how or if I should. When she told me she was near tears, so something serious might have happened, but she won't tell anyone because she's scared. What should I do?
Edit: For those who have asked, she is 14.

Answer 1

Many people who decide to run away envision a life that's exciting, glamorous, and mature, only to discover that's not the kind of life they get. Life for runaway teens is hard, and they often end up homeless, panhandling, stealing, or even selling drugs or sex in an effort to make money. Every year in the United States, more than 5,000 runaway teens die, either from assault, illness, or suicide.

People tend to run away for a lot of reasons: abuse (whether it's physical, emotional, or sexual), family problems, or problems with school or their friends. Some run away because of alcohol or drug abuse — their own or a family member's. Others run away to be with someone.

Talk with your friend about what's bothering him or her and put your heads together to find better — and more constructive — solutions. At the same time, speak with an adult you trust as soon as possible, and tell him or her that your friend is talking seriously about running away. If you don't feel comfortable telling your parents, there are other adults in your life who may be able to help out: another relative, a teacher, a coach, a school counselor, your family doctor, or a religious leader, for example.

A trusted adult may be able to help your friend understand that there are better alternatives to running away. If your friend is still serious about taking to the road, make sure he or she has the number of the National Runaway Switchboard: (800) RUNAWAY (that's [phone]). This number for runaway teens in need is open 24 hours a day, every day of the year. It provides crisis intervention, information, and local referrals. The service will even help runaway teens contact people back home by providing a message service and setting up conference phone calls.

A final note: If your friend does run away, or if you haven't seen him or her in a few days and you think that's what's happened, it's time to take action. Talk to a trusted adult and explain that you believe your friend ran away. Don't be shy about sharing any information about where your friend might be going, and don't wait in hopes that he or she might come back after a few days. Your friend's life could depend on it — the sooner it is reported, the more likely your friend will be found safe.

Answer 2

Hi, Alex. Good for you for wanting to take responsibility and help your friend.

There are usually really good reasons for a kid to run away. Her problems really might be as bad as she says, or worse. It sounds like something really bad is going on in her life.

But running away is probably not going to improve her life. Most runaways, to survive, end up in either drugs or prostitution or both. If she has a safe place to run to and a safe way to get there, it might work.

Don't try to help her all on your own. This kind of problem is usually something too big for a friend to help with.

So what can you do? Talk to your friend and, even more, LISTEN to her. She may not want to tell you what's going on, but try to get her to tell someone--a teacher, a counselor, a doctor, someone like that, that she can trust. No matter what is happening in her life, she is not the only one. There is help and a way out. If she doesn't get good help from the first person she tells, she needs to keep telling until someone does help.

The other thing you can do is think seriously about whether there might be an adult you can trust, and tell that person what's happening. Your friend might be really mad at you, and you might lose the friendship, at least for a while, but it sounds like she's in serious trouble and you might have to sacrifice your friendship for the sake of your friend.

Good luck to you and your friend, whatever you decide to do.

Answer 3

Tell your friend to speak to an adult that she feels safe with - a female teacher at school. Tell her not to be afraid because nothing that has happened can be blamed on her - it doesn't matter what it is. Tell her not to run away because there are some very nasty people out there and they could harm her. Your friend really does need adult help and I think you need to get her to speak with one - not family, as the problem is obviously at home. Tell her that if it is of a sexual nature she really does need to speak to an adult to stop the same thing happening to another girl, and whatever has happened is not her fault even though she may have been told it is. Be very, very sypmathetic. I wish you well

Answer 4

if shes only 14 that's way to young to try to run away !
i mean if she does and they find her she will go to juvi but do all you can to stop her from running away maybe she can sleep at a friends house with her parents knowing where she is so she can calm down and relax and talk to a counselor or someone a close teacher or someone that can help

Answer 5

Be compassionate. Don't (even if you think it) undermine her problems, because that will only give her more of a reason to jet. Let her know that you are there for her and if needed, find a trustworthy adult to talk it over with her. Running away is very serious and she needs to be shown that it could ruin her entire life.

Answer 6

Get her to talk to someone you trust. I dont know how things are where you live but there must be some kind of phone counseling service you can get in touch with for advice. Try to talk to her about the reality of running away, where would she go, what would she do for money, food, shelter etc?

Answer 7

You could suggest that she speak to the guidance counsellor at school or a teen counselling clinic. Whatever you have in your community. From what you say, i believe that something serious happened and needs you. Continue offering your support.

Answer 8

Tell her if she wants to run away, that she should stay at your house. don't let her run away unless she is staying with a close friend or relative nearby. If she refuses, tell someone (like your parents)

Answer 9

Tell YOUR mom. She will know how to help. If possible, have her over to your house and once she is there have your mom talk to her. She might be mad at you for telling your mom, but she needs to hear how much of a bad idea it is from someone she respects and someone who has some authority over her.

Answer 10

It sounds serious to me. I was considering running away from home when I was 16 cuz my father was beating me and threatening to harm me whenever he thought I did something he didn't like.

I went to my uncle and told him and I cried too. He told me to come by him and I was carrying my clothes to school everyday to leave it by my uncle. The last day that I had to carry clothes, my father got angry with me for not coming home early enough (I was by my cousin eating and after, I lingered around by them cuz I was afraid to go home- I used to cry myself to sleep) and he told me to get out of the house and go by my sister. So I ended up by my uncle. But my father came by my uncle and gave me money every week to go to school. I knew he loved me but he had an anger problem.

Try to get her to talk about it and see if you can get an adult who can really help the situation.